For many single people, looking for love in 2015 means firing up an app like Tinder or Grindr on your phone and pleading with the universe to finally send you someone who isn't a total psycho.
But remember the good old days when people actually met offline? Amy Van Doran, match maker and founder of The Modern Love Club, does. HuffPost Love+Sex podcast hosts Carina Kolodny and Noah Michelson recently chatted with Van Doran -- and several other experts -- about searching for a partner without resorting to online dating. Listen to the podcast below to get advice from Van Doran and two professional dating coaches. And while you're listening, check out these 11 tips from Van Doran on finding love in the real world.
1. Everyone is looking for the next best thing. Instead of thinking of "How can I get to know this other person?" they’re thinking "What am I looking for?" I don’t think people should be limiting what they want the love of their life to be... love should be an extension of two people. It’s not about arbitrary criteria. Love has become transactional, it’s like going to the grocery store and reading ingredients. People aren't going deep with anybody.
2. A lot of women come into my office and say they only want to date a man six feet or taller but that’s such a small segment of the population and a lot of the really good guys are getting ignored because they’re under 5 feet 9 inches tall. I would much rather have personality over height. If you change your parameters, you’ll be much more successful.
3. I think the key is to be vulnerable, to be open and to be real. The other day, I went on a date and we did the "37 questions not to ask to fall in love" -- kind of a spoof on the "36 questions" and because we were drinking too much and smoking and being kind of bad, it felt kind of real.
4. I think confidence is sexy, so this "Oh, I’m going to wait 24 hours" thing that some people do will only work on people with low self-esteem. These rules are ridiculous. Life is too short to sit by the phone. If that’s going to work on someone, they’re probably not your match.
5. I was at a friend's bar the other day and there were two attractive, single people sitting next to each other and I just wanted to shake them and be like "You’re two attractive single people, just turn to the left -- the person you're looking for is there!" I do find that people are using online dating as a crutch.
6. I always say don’t tell me who you’re looking for, tell me you’re looking for someone who will make you happy.
7. I think the more time we spend on the Internet, the more we’re losing our emotional feelers. In theory, with pick-up artists, I can see where there’s a need. I think people need to treat their social skills like their bodies. Like, if you go to the gym every week to work on your body, why wouldn’t you spend once a week going to a bar and forcing yourself to talk to strangers?
8. There’s also something to be said for pheromones. You fall in love through smelling people.
(Match maker Amy Van Doran)
9. More people aren’t meeting even though there are more ways to meet. There’s something wrong with the way we’re dating.
10. I don’t think hook-up culture necessarily leads to anything serious and after a while, it does take its toll on you. There’s no way to keep feeling good if no one wants to hang around.
11. Go out there right now, stand up and talk to the person next to you. You should do it yourself because it’s worth it.
And if you want to download and/or listen on iTunes, head here.
This podcast was produced by Katelyn Bogucki with additional production by Jorge Corona. Like Love + Sex? Subscribe, rate and review our podcast on iTunes.
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