According to lore, weekends are a great time for adults to accomplish chores. I, an adult, have often been seduced by this tale, beginning each Sunday with a long list of tasks I intend to complete before abandoning said list by 2 p.m. to watch "Gilmore Girls." (Thank you, Netflix.)
But with the changing seasons' reminder that time does, in fact, continue to pass -- whether or not I’ve unpacked the bags of housewares my aunt gave me when she moved out of her New Jersey home a month ago -- I set out this past Sunday to attack my to-do list with particular resolve. Bristling with the knowledge that the sooner I complete these basic tasks, the sooner my real life could begin, I pulled on my chores leggings and vowed to start after one real quick episode of "Gilmore Girls."
Then, I watched eight hours of other people doing stuff, and ate cheese.
Mild spoilers for "Gilmore Girls" Season 5 and Season 6 below.
Hour 1: Season 5, Episode 21: "Blame Booze and Melville"
What they did: Luke defends his offer on a $$ house $$ in the hopes that one day he and Lorelai, two responsible adults who own their own businesses, will live in and populate it with children financially dependent on them for survival.
What I didn't do: Set up an online banking account to pay two months of overdue credit card bills.
Hour 2: Season 5, Episode 22: "A House Is Not A Home"
What they did: Rory engineers an entire new life plan, dropping out of Yale and moving into her grandparents' pool house to begin a time of self-discovery.
What I didn't do: Build the TV stand currently sitting in a box propped against my living room wall. (Rory and Lorelai continue to eat their burgers on my floor.)
Hour 3: Season 6, Episode 1: "New And Improved Lorelai"
What they did: While living with her grandparents, Rory appears for court in an aggressively appropriate outfit, despite the fact that most of her clothing was strewn about Lorelai's house until earlier that day when Emily retrieved it.
What I didn't do: Wash my hair for the first time in six days.
Hour 4: Season 6, Episode 2: "Fight Face"
What they did: Rory works to complete her 300-hour community service sentence, picking up trash on the side of the road for many, many hours.
What I didn't do: Carry a single bag of trash from kitchen to sidewalk curb.
Hour 5: Season 6, Episode 3: "The UnGraduate"
What they did: When Lorelai's dog Paul Anka gets sick after eating chocolate, Luke takes him to the vet and nurses him back to health.
What I didn't do: Reschedule thrice-cancelled dentist appointment on ZocDoc to maintain actual human health.
What I did do: Buy and consume bar of chocolate.
Hour 6: Season 6, Episode 4: "Always a Godmother, Never a God"
What they did: Sookie prepares for the baptisms of her two babies, using the occasion to spin a plot to bring Rory and Lorelai back together.
What I didn't do: Follow own tiredness cues and go to sleep before physical pain set in.
Hour 7: Season 6, Episode 5: "We've Got Magic To Do"
What they did: In the face of a D.A.R party disaster, Rory takes over planning duties and manages to sell out the now stylishly USO-themed event.
What I didn't do: RSVP to friend's birthday party on FB, after second reminder that she needs head count to plan for alcohol.
Hour 8: Season 6, Episode 6: "Welcome to the Dollhouse"
What they did: Rory tells Logan, her functional long-term boyfriend, that she loves him.
What I didn't do: Craft clever text back to dude from party, thus severing all potential for future interaction.
In conclusion: I am a grown-up.