Jon Stewart had one question for New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady: Why?
In response to a league-commissioned report that said Brady was probably "at least generally aware" of a scheme to use deflated footballs in the team's Jan. 18 AFC championship win over the Indianapolis Colts, Stewart called Brady a "cheating fuck."
But mostly, Stewart wanted to know why a man who has everything had to cheat.
"Why? You got four Super Bowl rings. You're married to the biggest supermodel in the world. Your face -- your beautiful face -- is a wonder of symmetry, a platonic ideal of beauty that can survive even the stupidest of haircuts," Stewart said. "And yet even with these dopey fucking haircuts, you're still so handsome I would fuck the hole in your chin."
Stewart said the great ones don't need to cheat.
"Did Michael Jordan cheat to get his six championships?" Stewart asked. "No. In fact, Michael Jordan decided to play a sport he sucked at just to give other people the chance to win a championship."
Jordan briefly retired from the NBA in 1993 and played pro baseball in 1994, returning to the court the following year during the baseball strike.
See Stewart's full takedown of Brady in the clip above.