The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
feel like no matter how i die my last words will be "i'm still hungry"
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) May 11, 2015
Here are some good joke topics for men to explore: - woman mean - woman fat - friend is bad (maybe he has drinking problem?) - own dick
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) May 12, 2015
Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's the three cups of coffee before noon.
— Madeline Haller (@madeline_haller) May 12, 2015
I worry a lot about the Singularity but Facebook just asked me to tag my own breasts as friends so I think we're good for a few more years
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) May 13, 2015
It's very telling of my personality that "Trap Queen" just makes me want to bake pies.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 15, 2015
My daily objective is less about goal achievement and more about regret management. #AimLow
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 14, 2015
But if we put a woman on the $20 bill it'll only be worth a little over $15.00
— Twitnter Is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 12, 2015
I'd say you're the reason I drink but that would be giving you way too much credit.
— Black Cat Bettie (@BlackCatBettie) May 14, 2015
i’ve never felt as altruistic as i do when i'm giving someone their 11th like on instagram
— Alexis Kleinman (@alexiskleinman) May 13, 2015
chart where x-axis is proximity of deadline and y-axis is tweets per hour about '90s female singer-songwriters
— Lily Karlin (@lilykarlin) May 15, 2015
Tinder keeps telling me to log in soon. Mate. Just send a compatible (loves books, rice and the films of Jeff Goldblum) dude to my house.
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) May 15, 2015
i eat the booty like groceries and by that i mean i never have time to go out and get any
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) May 13, 2015
Women are people but so are footballs.
— Ali Vingiano (@alivingiano) May 11, 2015
I wish I had known in my 20's that older guys didn't date me because I was fascinating, but because women their own age couldn't stand them.
— Laura Benanti (@LauraBenanti) May 11, 2015
i feel like i'm the mcdonald's fruit & yogurt parfait of humans in that i'm very elegant but misguided
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) May 11, 2015
"Let's just share a dessert", said the worst person on the planet.
— moody monday (@mdob11) May 12, 2015
I don't want free apps Starbucks, I want someone to hold me and tell me I'm doing a great job.
— Amber. (@McNorfin) May 13, 2015
Lady in the streets Freak at the cat shelter
— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) May 14, 2015
Next time you feel compelled to tell a female what she should or shouldn't be wearing take a moment to swan dive into your nearest landfill.
— Manda Likewine (@Manda_like_wine) May 14, 2015
I'd rather spend 10 minutes rearranging the dishwasher to accommodate something than spend 30 seconds washing it by hand.
— :: shauna :: (@goldengateblond) May 14, 2015
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