I Have An Announcement To Make ...

06/12/2015 10:40 am ET | Updated Jun 12, 2015
Getty Images/Image Source

Dear Friends and Family,

Let me start by saying this wasn't exactly planned, but that's not to say this isn't a perfectly wonderful surprise. I wanted to wait until I was sure -- I know you've probably looked at my Instagram posts over the past few weeks (which I know you are, even if you haven't been liking them, Carol) and thought, has she just been wearing all of her unflattering skirts, or what?!

But the day a woman offered me her seat on the subway, that’s when I knew! I knew it was time to share this with all of you.

I've got a yummy in my tummy. A bun in the oven. Except … it's a tortilla.

That's right: I've got a food baby. It's a burrito.

It feels so right to finally let the foil-wrapped secret out of the bag.

Before you ask, I’ll let you guys know it happened in the usual way. ;) (Ugh, sorry, TMI!) I mean, when I’m hungry, there’s no way I’m not getting the sour cream and the cheese and all of the salsas. Oh, corn too. A little more corn. That’s it.

You know what they say about food babies: “Guacamole is extra, is that OK?” And look how that extra paid off.

At this point, you're probably wondering where to send gifts to mark this special occasion, especially as I've been so generous with my artisanal Lazy Susans and handsewn Swedish children's toys from your collective registries in the past. In my condition (with burrito, as I like to say), I can only accept more Chipotle gift cards -- maybe some high-waisted pants, too, to maximize my subway seat-getting abilities. Just know that the existence of my next food baby rests in your hands. But nooo pressure, I mean it!

The food baby and I will not be taking visitors as we adjust to our life together, finally sitting down to watch the entirety of “Friends” this weekend and probably ordering in some takeout. I’m eating for two now!



Suggest a correction