Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Somewhere between having children and buying a minivan, 7am became sleeping in.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) June 11, 2015
5-year-old daughter: *picks out a skirt*
Me: Why don't you ever wear pants?
5-year-old: They slow down my karate kicks.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 9, 2015
I've aged 4 years this first week of summer vacation.
— Jenny Pentland (@JennyPentland) June 6, 2015
My daily workout is walking through the house 14 times a day turning off all the lights my kids have left on in every room.
— Goddess of Mischief (@ShanaRose21) June 11, 2015
You haven't experienced hell until you're running late on the freeway and your kids spot a spider in the backseat and start screaming.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) June 10, 2015
That terrifying moment when you turn your head and see that your son has leapt at you and it's too late to brace for impact.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) June 12, 2015
Mom, what are we going to do today?
I have to feed them AND entertain them?
This is bullshit.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) June 10, 2015
It's a toss up, but I think the most important reason I had kids was so I could constantly wonder why my shoes are stuck to the floor.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) June 9, 2015
Two-year-old just force fed me two of my old business cards so I'm assuming that's his attempt at symbolism.
— The Ugly Volvo (@theuglyvolvo) June 12, 2015
The best way to make a good first impression with other parents is to save seats at one of your kid's school functions.
— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) June 11, 2015
My kids are fighting over who I'm watching, which is funny since I'm not looking at any of them. These sunglasses are really useful.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) June 9, 2015
This family vacation would be a lot more relaxing if I had left my 4 kids at home.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 8, 2015
Why is everything my child hands me wet?
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) June 7, 2015
My daughter just asked why we say "hang up" the phone and now I feel 90.
— Jason English (@EnglishJason) June 2, 2015
You say potato. I say potato. A toddler says, "No!" and throws it on the floor.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 9, 2015
My daughter just told me all about President Abraham LincolnLog so I guess she's ready for kindergarten.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) June 9, 2015
You're not truly a parent until one of your kids throws a controller across the room and yells, "THIS GAME CHEATS!"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 9, 2015
We got a dog! Because two kids just weren't enough!!!*
*to justify the mess in our house.
— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) June 12, 2015
Home is where the screaming children are.
— Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) June 8, 2015