COMEDY

21 Things You Can Do If You Want Because YOU'RE AN ADULT, DAMMIT

06/17/2015 05:58 pm ET | Updated Jun 18, 2015

You choose what "grown-up things" are!

Adulting is hard. When you're a kid, you can't wait to grow up and have money and freedom, and then you become a grown-up and realize you have none of those things. But as an adult, you do have one huge advantage: Decision-making power.

YOU'RE AN ADULT AND YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT ADULT STUFF IS!

  • As as fully grown human, you make your own decisions.
  • If you want to ride in the shopping cart while at the grocery store, you can do that.
  • You get to decide what a "well-balanced breakfast" looks like.
  • You're an adult and you say, "ALL the marshmallows in my cocoa."
  • You're my Lunchable now, party tray.
  • Cereal isn't just for dinner, it's also for dessert.
  • You're an adult, dammit, and you eat what you want.
  • You can even make your food do adult stuff if you want.
  • Your parents aren't buying your clothes anymore, which means you get to wear what you want.
  • ANYTHING you want. Because you're a grown up with credit cards and taxes and a big human job.
  • Because worrying if you look stupid is stupid.
  • Besides, you don't have time to worry about looking stupid, because you're a busy adult.
  • You're too busy riding a majestic freaking unicorn.
    HuffPost Comedy
  • You survived high school and peer pressure and now you get to look how you want.
  • Decorate your home however the hell you want.
  • Fill that home with handheld video games and handheld alcohol.
  • "I want my Fruity Pebbles in this wine glass, and I plan to drink out of it immediately following these Fruity Pebbles."
  • Sleep in a tiny tent if you want.
  • Or a pillow fort. In the MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
  • With Netflix!
  • Because you're an ADULT, DAMMIT. Who can build an adult treehouse with lights and beer and a band.

Also on HuffPost:

  • 1 "I'm standing right behind you."
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  • 2 "I drank too much coffee today."
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  • 3 "Let's get lunch at Burger King."
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  • 4 "You have a piece of lint on you."
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  • 5 "It's time to pick up your weirdo twins from dance class."
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  • 6 "Your hair stylist left the scissors in."
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  • 7 "Hey, I just got your text message from the 1990s."
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  • 8 "Sorry about my Cheeto dust fingers."
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  • 9 "I'm deathly afraid of triangles."
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  • 10 "Wait, I just need to put my head on."
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  • 11 "The eggs you bought are expired."
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  • 12 "I would kiss you if you didn't have a human heart on your head."
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  • 13 "I keep all my pens under lock and key."
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  • 14 "Just taught the baby how to pour some out for his homies."
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  • 15 "I'm afraid the ninja stars are too close to your heart to operate."
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  • 16 "BRB, Have to get another hole drilled in my bowling ball."
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  • 17 "Your piano was destroyed, but I salvaged a piece of it."
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  • 18 "The leaves are regrowing their eyelashes."
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  • 19 "We're all out of sporks."
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  • 20 "You've been added to my rolodex of 'Creepy People.'"
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  • 21 "Do you know where the keys to these handcuffs are?"
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  • 22 "I bought a beatboxing monkey, just FYI."
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  • 23 "The more you know..."
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