It's no news that many people hate Time Warner Cable.
But don't worry, you're not alone. "Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update" anchor Colin Jost channeled the rage many Time Warner Cable customers feel daily on Twitter. The "SNL" head writer has been feuding with the cable company for quite some time. Back in 2011, he wrote a hilarious breakdown of a Time Warner bill, and spoofed all of the added charges and fees.
On Wednesday, Jost went on a Twitter rant after apparently having difficulties with the cable company for months, speaking with 25 representatives and even encountering a technician who flat-out told him to switch to Verizon FiOS. Here's the full rant in all of its glory:
The main reason I believe in the concept of Hell is because I know the people who work at Time Warner Cable will go there when they die.
My new goal in life is to be the Mother Theresa of getting people to switch from Time Warner Cable to Fios.
Verizon FiOS also tweeted at the "SNL" writer in full support of this life goal:
@TheColinJost Just throwing this out there: we're in full support of this plan.
— Verizon FiOS (@VerizonFiOS) June 18, 2015
Then, Jost invited Netflix to the hate party:
Want to come over to my place and watch Time Warner Cable slowly die together?
(CC'ing Satan so he knows to expect them.)
When I called up Time Warner Cable, a representative said to me, out of nowhere, "I wish Bin Laden were still alive..."
When I asked to speak to a supervisor at #TimeWarnerCable, they put me through to Pol Pot's voicemail.
My #TimeWarnerCable isn't working. The box just says, "Voting For Trump."
If you cancel your #TimeWarnerCable and switch to another provider and send me photographic evidence, I will send you a check for $50.
For the record, my #TimeWarnerCable hasn't worked in FOUR MONTHS. But in fairness, it may just be tired from blowing Satan.
I wrote a long polite letter notifying #TimeWarnerCable I would be canceling my service and they wrote back, "Mussolini cool af"
Finally, Time Warner Cable decided to respond:
@TheColinJost We're very sorry for any negative experience. Is there anything we can do to help? ^MG
— TWC Help (@TWC_Help) June 18, 2015
.@TWC_Help perhaps you could check in with the 3 technicians who have been to my apartment this week for a total of 7 hours?
.@TWC_Help especially the last technician who literally left after shaking his head and saying, "Dat's fucked up."
.@TWC_Help or perhaps you could talk to one of the I'm-not-exaggerating 25 customer service reps I've talked to over the past 4 months?
.@TWC_Help or the representative with the ID number 2254 who just offered to credit my account for eighteen dollars and seventy five cents.
.@TWC_Help Where should I follow you? To Mordor? What's your exact address?
.@TWC_Help Yeah good call let's try to keep this private. (whispered) "One of your technicians showed me his penis."
Who needs working cable when there's Jost to entertain you on Twitter?