Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways -- so we like to round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Our guest curator this week is John Kinnear, who blogs at Ask Your Dad and right here on HuffPost Parents. In honor of Father's Day, he pulled together a stellar line-up of dad tweets from this week. Read his selections below, and follow @HuffPostParents and @askdadblog on Twitter for more!
Just when you think you know it all... You give birth to someone who thinks THEY do.
— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) June 17, 2015
My toddler just told me that I dont understand her. This glimpse into the teenage years has been terrifying
— Nick Edwards (@nick_BTG) June 14, 2015
My 4yo teaching be ballet: NOT like THAT Dada, if you don't get it right, BACK IN YOUR CAGE! Me: My CAGE? ::hardest dance teacher ever::
— (Dada) Mike Heenan (@AHDMatters) June 19, 2015
Kids don't hear a damn thing you say, but that moment the ice cream truck comes within a 1 mile radius...
— Josh Misner, PhD (@MindfulDadBlog) June 17, 2015
Confession; I only get mad at my toddler for eating food off the floor when other parents are watching.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) June 18, 2015
My son says the best part of his camp experience so far is that he's learned to gamble. I'm so very proud.
— Doug French (@mrdougfrench) June 19, 2015
Text from wife about the boys: "They're being uber sweet. I can't find it in my heart to tell Wyatt he has his pants on backwards."
— The Daddy Complex (@thedaddycomplex) June 15, 2015
— One More Dad Blog (@onemoredadblog) June 14, 2015
*chatting with wife about weekend plans*
*son bursts in to interrupt conversation*
ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT THE TOILET THAT HAS A FACE?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 15, 2015
Parents at 15 months: "Why isn't he talking more?" Parents at 22 months: "PLEASE STOP TALKING FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE!!!!!" #parenting
— Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) June 19, 2015
My older son has taken to walking around the house howling and yipping like a wolf. It's pretty much the best thing ever.
— charliecapen (@charliecapen) June 12, 2015
Singing my kids a lullaby called, "Get Your Ass Back in Bed."
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 16, 2015
5-year-old daughter: How can you tell if the baby is a boy or a girl?
Me: Girls have capes
5: I knew it
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2015
Her: Dad... Dad...DAD!!
Me: Wha? WHAT??
Her: You look really tired.
Me: That's because I was asleep.
Her. Oh yeah. HAHA You're funny
— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) June 18, 2015
My 2-y-o can figure out how to work the TV remote, but can't find his mouth while eating spaghetti.
— Matt Brennan (@SpiralingMatt) June 14, 2015
Age is just a number. Or numbers. Mine are 2 kids, 1 dog,1 minivan, and 24 hrs to recover from the 6 pack I suddenly need.
— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) June 19, 2015
"For some reason, I have a really hard time going to sleep when my eyes are open." (Our 6-year-old might be on to something.)
— Carter Gaddis (@DadScribe) June 12, 2015