The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Instead of dinosaurs the next Jurassic Park is just going to have people who are opposed to marriage equality.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 26, 2015
Happy Monday to everyone. Be nice to those who deserve it and nicer to those who don't until you break them.
— Paula Pell (@perlapell) June 22, 2015
Imagine if Taylor Swift took on the minimum wage, gun control... change would be possible
— Emily Peck (@EmilyRPeck) June 22, 2015
Been awake for ~24 hours so I'm letting the paper I just accidentally ate "slide."
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) June 23, 2015
creating an app called Friends With Pools. It's exactly what you think it is.
— Trelawny Davis (@TrelawnySara) June 22, 2015
Scalia is the Vice Principal in every 80s movie at the moment he realizes those crazy kids actually got away with it.
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) June 26, 2015
i guess i'm not sure how to end a relationship correctly walking towards him banging a pan loudly with a wooden spoon did not work
— Bookish (@BookisherBunny) June 25, 2015
PERIOD: YO ME: Ugh, you're here so early! PERIOD: I CAN STILL CRASH ON YOUR COUCH AND EAT ALL YOUR FOOD AND CHURN UP YOUR INSIDES, RIGHT?
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) June 26, 2015
Y'all homophobes better start putting your money into terraforming Mars or something if you want a safe space.
— yonce's red solo cup (@pterosaur) June 26, 2015
My husband practices his German flash cards on the toilet which means sometimes I hear weird haunted whispering coming from the bathroom
— Sara McHenry (@yellowcardigan) June 26, 2015
shall i compare thee to a summer's day you're so hot and every year you kill a disturbing number of old people
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) June 24, 2015
You did yoga. You didn't negotiate a peace treaty. Stop walking around like that.
— DENA (@277DENA55) June 24, 2015
Croissant dough is something you can actually make at home, but it takes 14 hrs plus forgetting that a coffee shop is 1/2 block away.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 23, 2015
wake me up with oral and by that i mean put a pizza in my mouth
— whatever. (@hiitsmolly) June 26, 2015
I FOUND MY OLD YOYO AND PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME TO RUN ERRANDS AND DO STUFF FOR THEM AND I'M LIKE SORRY CAN'T BECAUSE YOYO
— Niles (@River_Niles) June 26, 2015
And all the boyfriends who were "putting off proposing until EVERYONE can get married!" just collectively crapped their pants
— Kristin Chirico (@lolacoaster) June 26, 2015
Just found out lobsters don't really mate for life. 'Friends' lied to me. My whole world makes no sense.
— scotus spice (@goldengateblond) June 25, 2015
I wrote you a poem: You said hi to me At a Chili's I liked that so much Where's your house I'm driving and looking for it
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) June 26, 2015
hey assholes who walk in wide groups on the sidewalk and don't leave room for the rest of us- what's it like having friends?
— Kelgore Trout (@KelgoreTrout) June 25, 2015
Pretty ballsy of the guy who wrote The Hokey Pokey to proclaim “That’s what it’s all about” like Ring Around the Rosie doesn’t even exist
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) June 25, 2015
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