Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
This energy level at 6am seems like the kind of thing a grandparent would enjoy, doesn't it?
— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) June 22, 2015
We now return to our regular schedule of not listening to dad at all.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 22, 2015
"I know what time it is. 7:86." Nope, still can't tell time.
— Jessica (@jessicaesquire) June 24, 2015
Only a few days into summer vacation and the kids are already mounting an effective coup operation.
— Skinnie Talls (@SkinnieTalls) June 23, 2015
Another surprise benefit of having a baby is using my new swaddling skills to roll a tight, tight burrito.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 24, 2015
Having children teaches you patience, humility, love and to never, ever, be surprised when you find a Barbie doll leg clogging the toilet.
— Court (@Discourt) June 22, 2015
I feel bad for my spontaneous burst of laughter when the dentist asked my son if he flossed.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 22, 2015
Our daughter's life goal is to grow drumstick arms. Not sure if it's the drumming kind or ice cream kind but both seem like parenting wins.
— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) June 22, 2015
Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" is either about true love or a toddler resisting a nap, I can't tell.
— Una LaMarche (@sassycurmudgeon) June 20, 2015
Gotta admire how my kids are 0-for-127 in me letting them use the "penny press" machine on vacations...but they keep asking!
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) June 24, 2015
I'm not sure what rock bottom is, but I'm pretty sure it looks like my 8yo not changing his underwear for over a week.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) June 24, 2015
3-year-old: Can I shoot the baby with my dart gun?
Me: Do you understand why?
3: Because I didn't say please?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 22, 2015
Motherhood is searching for your glasses and finding them on your face.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) June 22, 2015
I wish I loved anything as much as my kids love putting empty cracker boxes back in the cupboard.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 23, 2015
"Can you do a ponytail in my doll's hair?" I nod & begin doing it. "Ow. Oh no, OW!" "What?" I ask. "Oh, just making it realistic for you."
— Amanda Magee (@AmandaMagee) June 22, 2015
Him: Babe, how much could they possibly have fought today? He was at camp for 3 hours. Me: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 22, 2015
Parenting a newborn: 30% feeding 50% changing diapers 20% worrying 80% becoming so sleep deprived that you forget how to do basic math
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 24, 2015
Minion 2 keeps screaming, "No Caillou!" in his sleep. I can only imagine what circle of hell he is dreaming of.
— MuSuBi (@MuSuBi19) June 22, 2015
ALSO ON HUFFPOST:
HuffPost Parents offers a daily dose of personal stories, helpful advice and comedic takes on what it’s like to raise kids today. Learn more