The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
*bends down to pick socks up off the floor. twerks*
*bends down to get grapes from bottom shelf of fridge. twerks*
— Tracy LaFway Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) September 1, 2015
"How can I ruin a thing everyone loves?" -- the person who invented macaroni salad
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) September 1, 2015
congrats on your engagement 2 people viewed my linkedin profile this week so things are lookin good over here as well
— Ali Vingiano (@alivingiano) August 30, 2015
REAL WORLD MATH PROBLEM: 3 people are hanging out, 2 of them are checking their phones, how long before the 3rd person takes out their phone
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 3, 2015
If Netflix and chill means wanna come hook up then what do you say if you want to actually Netflix and chill (way better)
— Caro (@socarolinesays) August 30, 2015
Exactly which “street” is Idris Elba “too” and when can I move to that street
— Jess Zimmerman (@j_zimms) September 1, 2015
(Sits bolt upright in the middle of the night)
Holy shit is Taylor Swift ruining girl gangs
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) September 2, 2015
I like to think that somewhere in LA right now Justin Bieber is still attached to a harness, crying.
— Annie Stamell (@stamos) September 1, 2015
*slaps new relationship out of ex's hands* No
— moody monday (@mdob11) September 2, 2015
thanks for letting everyone know you'd prefer to eat alone by bringing tuna to the office
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) September 2, 2015
Just tried to retweet my own tweet and now I know what it feels like to be Kanye.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 1, 2015
Him: I like you
Me: I like when my blinker syncs up with my music
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) August 31, 2015
I asked my cat if I'm passive aggressive and she ignored me.
I hope I don't forget to feed her tonight.
— June O'Hara (@juneohara65) September 1, 2015
"Can you not?" -me to the work week
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) September 2, 2015
after a lifetime of wallet sized school pics, selfies and laptop photo booth, I just saw my face on a 27-inch mac screen and nearly screamed
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) August 31, 2015
I am in the presence of the most majestic man bun I have ever encountered. Pray for me
— Anna Breslaw (@annabreslaw) September 3, 2015
"Dogs are assholes"
DOG PERSON: YOU'RE an asshole!
"Cats are assholes"
CAT PERSON: Yeah
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) September 3, 2015
I'm only up because I'm afraid if I get any more beauty sleep you will all worship me as your queen and I'm too modest for that life.
— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) September 3, 2015
Today at the grocery store I fell, crushing 2 bags of chips and breaking a jar of salsa. The good news is I was wearing my shirt inside out.
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) September 2, 2015
"The last possible thinkpiece," she whispered hitting send on "MRAs: Feminist Heros" collapsing the internet in on itself, swallowing us all
— maura quint (@behindyourback) September 3, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
18 Funny Women You Should Be Following On Twitter
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