The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
LET'S GET THE PREMIUM PACKAGE WE NEED ALL THE TV AND MOVIE CHANNELS EVER **still watches only Law & Order SVU**
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) October 6, 2015
I need a seeing-eye dog for typing while walking. A texting-eye dog.
— Stella Bugbee (@stellabugbee) October 7, 2015
If someone asks you if you're pregnant they probably just mean your skin is glowing and your boobs look big. #optimist
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) October 8, 2015
for whom the hotline blings
— bean toad (@beehivesy) October 7, 2015
can you believe that people actually dueled? lol men.
— Tracy LaFway Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) October 7, 2015
"Amy Schumer: Live At The Apollo" sounds like an Onion headline
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) October 6, 2015
My 5th grade teacher laughed at me for misspelling "doubt" and I finally found her Facebook, time to message her about this fight.
— Mark Muffalo (@sailornegro) October 2, 2015
JUST SAW A MOUSE SCAMPERING IN FRONT OF ME IT IS STARING ME DEAD IN THE EYE NOW SEND BACK UP I REPEAT SEND BACK UP
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) October 7, 2015
relationship status: books
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) October 5, 2015
Why Aren't You Following Me On Instagram: A Memoir
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) October 9, 2015
Life hack: Plug your phone in so it buzzes so you can pretend it's a text
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 6, 2015
One day I hope to be know-how-to-operate-all-of-the-lights-in-my-hotel-room smart.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) October 6, 2015
I never go anywhere anymore. I call it "The Irish Hello."
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) October 9, 2015
Men of planet earth: never talk to a woman wearing headphones unless she is on literal fire, and then do so only to warn her.
— autumnaltones grimes (@andreagrimes) October 7, 2015
when did t swift transition from hating on the hot girl at the football game to literally surrounding herself with supermodels at all times
— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) October 8, 2015
*swaddles food baby in blankets
— Vamp (@lovestained555) October 4, 2015
[first date] *twirls hair* You know it's only a matter of time before you're dead to me
— Coco (@BeCoco77) October 7, 2015
Cashier: "Wow, stocking up for Halloween already?" Me: "Um, yes. Of course. For Halloween. Not just for me."
— CatherineLMK (@CatherineLMK) October 7, 2015
Whoever invented hiccups is a dead man.
— Princess Buttercup (@GoldenSpirals) October 3, 2015
I like living on the edge. One time I let my husband hold my phone for a whole minute.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) October 8, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
18 Funny Women You Should Be Following On Twitter
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.