Every week, we round up the most hilarious tweets from moms and dads. As 2015 draws to a close, it's time to laugh at the best parenting tweets from the whole year.
Scroll down to read the best of 2015 and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
80% of parenting is yelling through a closed bathroom door.
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) January 20, 2015
"This is not a democracy!!" Every parent. Every morning.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) May 28, 2015
"Honey, I'll take the kids to school today if that's easi-" [wife doesn't hear me, she's already headed to Starbucks, screaming "Sucker!"]
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 27, 2015
Parenting is basically just listening to yourself talk because nobody else is.
— Court (@Discourt) January 5, 2015
I've discovered the key to always having a hot cup of coffee! Never have children.
— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) February 18, 2015
99% of eating at a restaurant with kids is preventing them from spilling their drinks.
— Heather B. Armstrong (@dooce) August 30, 2015
"Children Should Be Seen & Not Heard" --a fairytale
— Meh the Snowman (@TheAlexNevil) July 5, 2015
Parenthood is a journey except it's just traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) April 13, 2015
Every time we take our dog to obedience school I can't help but think about everything that we did wrong when we were training our kids.
— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) January 12, 2015
Children: because who wants a hot meal anyway?
— Will Goldstein (@willgoldstein) June 30, 2015
The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 11, 2015
Whenever I'm surrounded by my kids I always feel like I'm in that Adam Lambert song, "What Do You Want From Me?"
— OneFunnyMotha (@OneFunnyMotha) February 19, 2015
5yo: Sometimes I listen to you. Me: Really? Like when? 5yo: Remember that day....
— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) July 2, 2015
Most of your time as a parent is spent touching things in your house and wondering why they're sticky.
— snowjob (@canadasandra) April 1, 2015
Preschool teacher: Your daughter said a bad word in class. Me: Where the fuck did she learn that?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2015
Googling Literally Everything: A New Mom's Story
— Lori Fradkin (@LoriFradkin) December 11, 2015
Alright, who switched out my 5yo's Star Wars gummy vitamins for ones that are exactly the same but apparently "TOO SPICY"?!?
— Brent Almond (@DesignerDaddy) August 11, 2015
If parenthood was one of those choose your own adventure books, every ending would likely result in a mess, laundry or losing lots of money.
— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) April 29, 2015
I can't remember…when all your kids are playing their recorders at once, which circle of hell are you in again?
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 29, 2015
Me: *gets baby down for a nap* Neighbor: *revving leaf blower* oh hell yeah, let's do this!
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 9, 2015
Of course I talk in my sleep. I have twin 5yos, I answer most of their questions while I'm still asleep.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) February 6, 2015
That awkward moment when your kids find their drawings in the trash can.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) March 11, 2015
Motherhood: Because it's not for lack of trying that I never leave the house.
— Next Life, NO Kids (@NextLifeNOKids) July 23, 2015
Me to baby: Say Dada! Husband: You don't want her first word to be Mama? Me: Hell no! The other 2 won't leave me alone. This one's yours.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) March 24, 2015
Why do toddlers have to take an afternoon nap when it's the adults who are struggling to keep their eyes open.
— Honest Toddler (@HonestToddler) July 27, 2015
I know you're my people if I hear you humming the Paw Patrol theme song then catch you trying to aggressively shake it out of your head.
— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) October 8, 2015
Hell hath no fury like a toddler wants to "do it herself." Three hours later, I'm still waiting for her to get out of the car.
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) November 17, 2015
My kid just flushed her socks down the toilet because "dirty stuff goes there." Sound logic, questionable execution.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) November 11, 2015
By "family vacation," I mean the horrific hostage situation I recently endured in a filthy minivan and a series of cramped hotel rooms.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 6, 2015
After having children everything you touch turns to yogurt.
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) September 17, 2015
Hazmat suits would make a great baby shower gift.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) October 17, 2015
I feel like I should create a recording of me saying PLEASE CLEAN THAT UP so I can just hit play 500 times a day.
— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) November 12, 2015
The hardest part about being a parent is pretending like you know what you're doing.
— Sammy Rhodes (@sammyrhodes) January 30, 2015
I'm not saying What to Expect When You're Expecting isn't a great book. I'm just saying it could benefit from a chapter on cocktail recipes.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 20, 2015
Most of my time as a mother has been spent in a closet, eating something I didn't want to share.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 3, 2015
Being a father means that every time you say “that’s what she said,” a little voice asks “did she really?”
— Zach Rosenberg (@zjrosenberg) January 21, 2015
Me to my 12yo "By the way, I'm chaperoning your school dance tomorrow night." *gently lays out MC Hammer pants and starts quad stretches*
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) December 4, 2015
"And I'm going to live with you forever and ever" ~Toddler threats
— AussieAnnie (@MummaCrazy) July 7, 2015
My daily workout is walking through the house 14 times a day turning off all the lights my kids have left on in every room.
— Goddess of Mischief™ (@ShanaRose21) June 11, 2015
"I'm Late!" - Me, ever since I had kids
— The Walking Dad (@RealDMK) April 21, 2015
Him: Mommy, what IS a postcard? Me: A prehistoric text message. Him: Did they send them on beepers? *blink* Me: No. Just... no.
— SocaMom® (@SocaMomDC) February 19, 2015
As the parent of a 5yo boy, I can name all the dinosaurs and none of my coworkers.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) April 28, 2015
Friend: What are you bringing to the party? Me: DA NOISE!!! Friend: Me: Friend: So just your kids? Me: Yeah... :(
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) December 17, 2015
The book "Everyone Poops" is my family memoir.
— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) May 7, 2015
There's no such thing as parenting advice. There are only parenting warnings.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 22, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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