Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
79 percent of parenting is just thinking up new and creative responses to "I don't want to."
— Tartlandia (@SardonicTart) February 9, 2016
7yo: Did you drink coffee before we were born?
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) February 9, 2016
Me: Yes
7yo: Did you eat pancakes?
Me: Yes
7yo: What didn't you do?
Me: Talk while peeing.
There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) February 9, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a toddler when you try to get her dressed in the morning with really cold hands.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 5, 2016
Preschool Registration form: What's one word you would use to describe your child?
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 6, 2016
*writes in all caps: RELENTLESS.
Did some art projects with my kids and now I'm covered in glitter forever.
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) February 10, 2016
"Sure, sure, you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me," she says to her kids as she quickly hides her Beyoncé tickets in her pocket
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) February 9, 2016
When you argue with your kid over their meal and they tell you, "the customer is always right," you may have created a monster.
— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) February 9, 2016
Me: "Who was your Valentine, buddy?"
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) February 10, 2016
3yo, covered in Avengers tattoos, 4 Jolly Ranchers in his mouth, crazed look in his eye: "Everyone."
Real #love is your husband smelling you after you changed your son's pee stained bed & saying, "You smell like pee but I'd still tap that."
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 10, 2016
My 5yo included a little something special with each Valentine she signed...
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) February 9, 2016
Germs. Because she coughed on every single one of them.
Dad can you
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 10, 2016
*lists 100 different things*
For me real quick?
My 5yo just told me I'm the meanest mom in the world so now I'm freaking out, like wtf I don't even have a speech prepared or anything.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 12, 2016
What I said: Get in the car.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 9, 2016
What my kids heard: Pour another bowl of cereal & watch TV.
"OH MY GOD WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD?" said my 6yo, as he did his homework with crayons.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 11, 2016
I think my kids were put on this earth to help me perfect my skills at turning laundry right-side-out.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 11, 2016
Growing up I used to be afraid of the dark but now I am afraid of hearing my toddler wake up in the middle of the night.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) February 11, 2016
Well, seems I've reached the point in life where my type is "Looks like he's probably a great dad."
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) February 9, 2016
Wife: *back from the store* How were the kids?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2016
Me: Great.
Wife: I took them with me. You didn't even notice
Me: I thought they were quiet
How long before I can discard all the Valentine stuff my kid brings home from school without my kid noticing?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 11, 2016
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.