The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I would say I hope I look like @JLo when I grow up but that would mean I have to age backwards.
— CORINNE FISHER (@PhilanthropyGal) April 5, 2016
I'm coming out with my own lip kit just like @KylieJenner ! It's just a little marinara in a paper cup!
— Aidy Bryant (@aidybryant) April 5, 2016
I'd love to go to sleep now but I have to make it until midnight just in case of Beyoncé.
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) April 4, 2016
Shorter alumni magazine: every guy you ever made out with or had a crush on is now married to a woman 3 years his junior. She took his name.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) April 5, 2016
It's not whether you win or lose; it's whether someone saw.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) April 4, 2016
Every time the guy in front of Trader Joes asks me to support gay rights I say, "sorry I'm already gay."
— Jillian Gutowitz (@jillboard) April 4, 2016
if you can successfully put a piece of plastic wrap on a bowl without the whole thing clinging to itself honestly you are gifted
— Jessica Samakow (@jsam1126) April 8, 2016
But more importantly, which male comedians are plus sized?
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) April 8, 2016
Lululemon sounds like it's the name of the basic white girl of the Pokemon world
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) April 1, 2016
I'm on Pinterest looking at no-churn ice cream thinking that if you don't want to churn your ice cream just fucking buy it?
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) April 8, 2016
Facebook "On This Day" is great to look at if no one you know has ever died and you have literally zero regrets.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 7, 2016
I just wanna know .... HOOOOWWW?!!!!!!!!!!!!?????! pic.twitter.com/8DrGcFsBBl
— rihanna's back (@channneeell) April 3, 2016
"Nipples killed my parents, and I'll be damned if anyone else should ever have to see those murderers again" -the founder of Instagram
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) April 5, 2016
I need a burner phone just to have one to dramatically fling off bridges as a cinematic afterthought
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 7, 2016
I just wanna date someone who makes me feel the way I feel when the delivery guy rings the doorbell
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) April 5, 2016
Cake by the ocean > Sex on the beach
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) April 7, 2016
whenever i read historical novels i am tortured by the thought that the heroine probably never had an orgasm
— didi (@priya_ebooks) April 5, 2016
Yes, there are classes where you learn how to become a funny person. It's called middle school.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 6, 2016
I was going to go out tonight but the wine bar's doorway is too narrow to accommodate my bed.
— Manda LikeCatsOK? (@Manda_like_wine) April 7, 2016
Sorry I can't come to your party. The one shirt I feel cute in is dirty; there's literally nothing I can do.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) April 1, 2016
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