The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
If a woman wears a ponytail holder on her wrist at all times that means she's always down to pull her hair back and fight you.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 20, 2016
just *how* many babies had to be thrown out with the bathwater before that became a saying, do you think?
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) June 20, 2016
good morning.
A spider just crawled into my bag of chips and I have never felt more vengeful, I paid $3 for those you small villain, and this means war
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) June 20, 2016
If your pet doesn't have an Instagram account, how can we be sure you really have one?
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 21, 2016
i may not be welcome at this barnes and noble anymore but you know what? it was worth it pic.twitter.com/SzGckFzefU
— victoria (@theblowout) June 20, 2016
For 5 bucks I'll comment "I'd hit that" on the pic you posted of your dad. Lemme know.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) June 19, 2016
Y'all heard about the haunted house that's just a human standing in a room saying they care about you & sincerely asking you to be with them
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) June 23, 2016
I have more Twitter followers than the @NRA
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 20, 2016
Rollover minutes but for naps
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) June 24, 2016
Text message: ALERT: You have used 90% of your cellular data this mon--
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) June 21, 2016
Me: *screams* YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE
The secret to happiness is getting a good parking spot according to how hard people try in the Whole Foods lot.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) June 21, 2016
of all the fake charges to find on my credit card statement why did it have to be $66.11 to the NATIONAL RIGHT TO LIFE COMMITTEE?!
— Johanna Barr (@JohannaBarr) June 21, 2016
life hack: if you cry in your uber pool they don't pick anyone else up
— hot car gatorade szn (@allstn) June 21, 2016
I like old guys because they grew up without the internet and don't expect as much weird shit in bed
— kristen (@kristendrum) June 22, 2016
I want guns to be as hard to purchase as both Hamilton tickets and a real life sighting of Beyoncé combined. #NoBillNoBreak
— kylie sparks (@kyliesparks) June 23, 2016
Just wanna get famous enough for people to screenshot tweets of me contradicting myself
— Lauren Duca (@laurenduca) June 22, 2016
“It Was On Sale and I Had a Coupon” -A Memoir
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 22, 2016
Dear Sir, you are texting frequently with my friend. Please send a current selfie asap for my evaluation. All the best, Women.
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) June 22, 2016
Downside of #Brexit is global economic collapse but upside is I just bought a castle
— sarah_haskins (@sarah_haskins) June 24, 2016
I heard House Democrats played spin the bottle last night at their slumber party, now Speaker Ryan is all pissed because he wasn't invited.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 23, 2016
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.