The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Women's razors being less sharp, but more expensive encapsulates patriarchy perfectly.
— Elizabeth Plank (@feministabulous) April 17, 2017
good morning to everybody except people who talked shit about serena yesterday
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) April 20, 2017
my dream is to be the first female sexual predator backed by a tv station for 15 years
— Bez (@Bez) April 19, 2017
Serena Williams was pregnant when she won the Australia Open in Jan. but I cant even get out of bed when I'm on my period. Sis is superwoman
— Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) April 19, 2017
what its like trying to focus on one thing when you have racing thoughts pic.twitter.com/v62v2L9ly0
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) April 17, 2017
the meanest text a person can write is: K
— Lauren Lapkus 🍰 (@laurenlapkus) April 19, 2017
i will go anywhere and do anything as long as i can be at home in bed w my face washed and skincare routine done by 11:32 pm csT
— cauliflower shorty (@neshathewicked) April 15, 2017
Got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes Easter grass and discounted Peeps!
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 17, 2017
Dog: *makes a sound that's halfway between a deranged lion's roar and a whale signaling danger*
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) April 20, 2017
Me: WHO'S A CUTE BUDDY??
Barack Obama is an Instagram Husband pic.twitter.com/OouLr7bjT2
— Madeline Hill (@mad_hill) April 16, 2017
Mom: You can Netflix & Chill tonight.
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) April 17, 2017
Me *she doesn't know what that means*
Mom: Invite someone from Match or Tinder
Me *she knows too much*
What if aliens make fun of smart people like we make fun of people in Wal-Mart?
— Adrianna LaCervix💝 (@AdriannaLaCervx) April 18, 2017
"I should read Gone Girl again" -me every time I'm mad at my man
— farwz (@farwzz) April 21, 2017
we getting beyoncé and serena spawn in the same year. we're gonna make it.
— deaux (@dstfelix) April 19, 2017
INTERVIEWER: why do you think you deserve this job
— Ej Dickson (@ejdickson) April 19, 2017
ME: I mean I wrote a viral tweet once
INTERVIEWER: ur hired, welcome to the White House
BREAKING: my spirit
— Joanna Rothkopf (@joannarothkopf) April 18, 2017
This is the real reason why they don't allow scissors on planes. pic.twitter.com/eQQDAVazNk
— Stacey Patton (@DrStaceyPatton) April 18, 2017
[House Hunters episode]
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 19, 2017
HUSBAND: I'm a freelance hamster trainer
WIFE: And I tune harmonicas part-time
HUSBAND: Our budget is $950K
Morning: I am a goddess of the divine
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) April 19, 2017
Night: *sits in bed catches cookie crumbs with a doritos bag*
The biggest misconception about media is that it is run by powerful elites. The media is run by horny girls named Alana, Sarah, and Rachel.
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) April 20, 2017
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