Franken-Meat: Mmm Mmm Good -- For All Concerned

Fire up the carbon-neutral barbecue.

I'm all for what the skeptical are calling ''Franken-meat.'' PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is putting a million dollars where our mouths are: a big honking check to whoever can create marketable, affordable, realistic-tasting lab-grown chicken parts by the next presidential election year, 2012 -- a date which, like the warning on your rear-view mirror, is closer than it appears.

A million bucks -- a dollar, says PETA, for the number of chickens killed every hour in this country. If it's a gimmick, it's an engaging one, and ultimately both plausible and profitable.

Baby pork back ribs without killing a piglet ... veal that doesn't slaughter a calf ... chicken wings that you can grow without needing an entire [dead] chicken. Lab-cloned, made-to-order meat. Test-tube foie gras means Arnold Schwarzenegger could make the high-priced spread legal in California again. Cloned lamb chops mean not cloning a whole Dolly, just her baby gams.

As a vegetarian, I think cruelty-free, in vitro meat is a swell idea. Beyond the billions of domesticated animals not getting killed, wild species now on the verge of extinction because they're on the menu might still be saved -- and in Africa, that includes our closest genetic relatives, the chimpanzees.

And you -- even if you don't give a hang about the multiple billions of blameless creatures slaughtered every year to feed our species, perhaps you do give a hang about how much, or how little, time our species might have left on the planet. Livestock raised for human food reportedly accounting for nearly 20% of greenhouses gases -- and I'm not sure that that includes the destruction of natural forests and grasslands to grow animal feed. That little enterprise also releases tons and tons of greenhouse gases, and wheat acreage and cornfields are many factors less effective at cleaning up carbon dioxide than trees and natural grasslands.

Anyway, on-the-hoof meat is a pretty inefficient means of delivering protein. You'd have to run your shower for at least three hours nonstop to equal the amount of water it takes to grow a single pound of beef. And as my columnist colleague Paul Krugman points out, it takes 700 calories' worth of animal feed to produce a 100-calorie piece of beef.

Fewer cattle, pigs, chickens -- fewer greenhouse gases, more available water, more forest, more open space, more available land. I like that recipe. By 2013, restaurants could be bragging about serving cloned chops and filet.

And McDonald's can change all those signs to read, ``Billions SAVED.''

Comments

[JScott]

There's been stories about this off and on in the media about this. I guess it's fine but with all things IT MUST BE DISCLOSED to the consumer, All the former land that was used to raise animals for food must have controls on it so that it can remain as a native (working?) landscape and not just an excuse for creating even more urban sprawl. And it must not be dominated by a few large faceless impersonal megacorporations. And then I guess whole animals raised for food will become a luxury item.
And what's to prevent this from working for other food groups-same rules as above.
Kinda shocking that humans would be totally removed from how their food is produced.
Sounds kinda creepy-one only need to see Soylent Green and read Robert Silverberg's The World Inside to see what might happen.

[Rooster1980]

One million dollars? Do the nuts at PETA actually think that is a substantial amount of money in the field of scientific research?

[OtayPanky]

On the one hand, PETA and the vegetarians want to do the mad scientist thing and create franken-food.

On the other, there's all the protesting against genetically modified stuff.

There's a serious meme clash here. Should be fun to watch.

[babylonandon]

ohhh...I have an idea. When we have this universal healthcare thingy we can decide who is necessary for society and who we can get rid of.

We can take the excess people we've axed and we can make meat out of them. We make it up into little green cubes and call it "soylent green" (that way the rest eating it will think they're eating veggie burgers instead of people). Lots and lots of protein and no animals get injured.

[agentoris625]

MMMM, chicken, steak, mmmm, meat.

[ResidentChimp]

I thought this article was about Al Franken's tax evasion.

[sneener2000]

Franken did not evade his taxes, by the way. he just paid them in the wrong states. He overpaid them in those states.

[SaraPulis]

I agree that the in vitro gimmick is an excellent idea, but I wonder how it would address human wants for cow milk and chicken eggs. I wonder if we can find a way to replicate those so that calves won't be shot, nor their mothers confined and chickens confined ("cage free" and "free range" are neither standardized nor enforced) and later ground up for dog food. Of course, I'm not trying to discount the great good that this science may one day do, but still one wonders...

[Comanchero]

Morrison, hmmmm.....Seems excited by the complete annialation of the 10's of millions of buffalo and millions of other american wildlife eradicated since europeons settled the nation! (I guess they polluted to much air? Otherwise, pure foolishness!

[Crowhaul]

I joined PETA about a year ago, figuring that as a 40-something business owner, I just wasn't up for supporting people getting fat & rich from the mass slaughter and abuse of gentle animal folk. If only we had something like PETA for Iraq...I'd join that too (and it sure doesn't seem to be the HRC Obliterate This! party).

[TRYKER]

Its hard to believe that 60 BILLION animals are killed each year. If they could grow animal protein in a lab, eventually we could all grow it at home in a special chamber. It certainly would change a lot of things in our world, growing foods that can feed everyone on the land left over from animal farming. It sounds exciting, progress.

[CrankyCurmudgeon]

Yuck! I suppose I would try it but, as the son of a butcher, I've always had a taste for meat and somehow this just doesn't sound like it will (pardon the term) cut it.

I can't, however, argue with the sustainability issues raised by the continuing consumption of animal protein. I think I'd rather see more and better choices of fruit, grain, and vegetable offerings than some cloned lamb chops. Creepy!

[XCITIZEN]

This will make stir-frying a breeze! Where can I get my artificially grown laboratory meat? Sign me up!

[farseer]

In vitro meat is probably no healthier for you than in vivo. You're much better off and much healthier as a vegetarian. I haven't eaten meat in 25 years and I'm strong and vigorous, and I've no doubt my heart is much, much better off than if I'd continued eating steaks and burgers all those years. I recall being taught in grade school, in 2nd or 3rd grade, back in the early 60's, that we need to eat meat 3 times a day. What a lot of horse -- er, feathers!

[Bladernr1001]

Think this through people...what are you going to do with all those chickens...or whatever animal part we synthasize? Not like cows and chickens are just going to go away.

Sorry I am a carnivore through and through. I think the PETA folks are not playing with a full deck. But the more important danger of PETA is they are yet another entity that wants to limit my freedom and control what I do......do me a favor....everyone just leave me the fu*&^%$# alone! I will eat what I want, when I want.

[Kundera]

Non Taxpayer Al Franken's done. Stick a fork in him.

[speakeasy]

Dear troll,
Please take the time to at least read one paragraph before making any comments concerning Al Franken. This is about synthetic/grown food called franken meat. Sheesh...

[Kundera]

yes, Franken meat is done. Stick a fork in him. It's a tax-free meat.

[LiberalBuzz]

Got my vote as well as the hope the gummint puts some serious money into the project as well.

BUT a million bucks is (if you'll pardon the phrase) Chicken Feed.

Make it one hundred million and watch the research go into triple overtime. Besides that hundred million will be paid back a thousand fold, nay a MILLION FOLD in saved environmental concerns, no more killing of animals, and of course huge profits worldwide.

I read about that proposal a little while ago and funny thing is, not a week earlier I had been talking to a friend about that same idea.

Same with De-salinination of ocean water. No reason to not be putting up those plants up and down the coast....Now we just need to know what to do with all the salt since it cannot be put back into the ocean.

[TRYKER]

.Now we just need to know what to do with all the salt since it cannot be put back into the ocean.

Lets tell the elite that salt is the new GOLD and they'll start buying it up by the ton.

[grumpyoldwoman]

We could stop mining salt and use the leftovers from de-salinated ocean water?

Sign me up for artificially-grown meat, too. I'd be happy to eat beef that didn't result in a dead cow. Better for the cow; better for the environment. Of course, there are other products that come from animals, so it's not likely that we'd stop raising and killing them entirely. There would still be meat-on-the-hoof/ wing for people who get squicked about meat from a laboratory.

[aaronburr]

I thought you were talking about the Minnesota senate race with Al Franken...

[Grammie]

Please excuse me b/c I don't mean it in a profane or obscene way but I just can't help myself.

Are you and PETA fornicating pecans?

[burlapbob]

i'm for it if it works. made me think of the movie "soylent green" with charlston heston and e.g. robinson.

[flacon]

I respect your choices, please respect mine. Steak, medium rare, baked potato with extra sour cream, salad with gorganzola and a good california caberenet. I only do it once a month but... that's dinner!

[sacarson]

Hallelujah!!!! I know the petri-meat concept sounds bizarre, but I would LOVE to be able to eat sushi again. I miss fried chicken too. As things stand now, though, I just cannot be a part of the cruelty and planetary destruction that is carnivorousness as practiced by humans. Thank you PETA!

[YellowPanties]

Let's hope someone perfects these lab-grown meats. You're right about the ecological damage the meat industry causes, as well as the billions of animal deaths every year just to make the dinner menu.

If consumers can't taste the difference, there's no reason they would continue to use meat had by slaughter.

It might take more than common sense, however, as for some reason many Americans feel it is their god-given right to eat as much meat as possible, and the more damage it does to the world and the more suffering that goes into their meal, the happier they seem to be.

For these people, I suggest we put THEM on the menu.

[LibRS]

This is a joke right?! If not, then peta can kiss my dead animal proteined ass.

Love my ribeys!!! I'm a neocon, can you tell?

[babylonandon]

Bacon-wrapped tenderloin (marinated in a mix of spices, whisky, and olive oil) , asparagas, baked potato (with scallions, sour creme, and salted butter), snifter of Grand Marnier, and an icy cold bottle of Dos Equis.

[BobMunck]

The best fit to our nutritional needs, of course, will be long pig. I'd expect a situation like the way pre-op patients stockpile their own blood for transfusions: a row of bins in the kitchen labeled "Dad," "Mom," "Junior," "Sis." Table scraps in, steaks out; kind of an external stomach.

[mgloraine]

I suppose laboratory meat is technically possible, but it's more likely that the food tekkies will continue to make advancements in texturized vegetable proteins to the point that they could be nearly indistinguishable from animal tissue or meat. We're a lot closer to a soy solution today than we are to clone chops.

[whillice]

But what if you're pro-life, too? then, since the animal is already due the inherent rights of said creature, shouldn't the animal-part-fetuses have the right to come to full term?

Or would those petri dish grown parts just end up looking like the monstrosity created on the cartoon Squidbillies where it's ostensibly a chicken, but it has 100 wings, no beak, no bones, and no feet?