It's official! Or almost official. Sort of. Just some t's to cross, etc. Whatever: Barack Obama will be the Democratic nominee. Congratulations, Senator. You won. Have a sip of champagne, sneak a smoke when your wife's not looking. Then take a deep breath and get ready for the shitstorm.
Look, I'll be straight with you: I didn't vote for you. Not because I don't think you're a good guy, smart, inspiring, all that. Just because you haven't yet convinced me you have what it takes to get elected, or to be an effective president. What do I mean by effective? I mean not only winning over American hearts but reversing the disastrous, cruel, self-destructive policies of the Bush administration. Rescuing the economy from the Republicans. Rescuing foreign policy from idiots and warmongers. Rescuing the environment. Rescuing the health care system. Rescuing the Constitution from the people who've wiped their asses with it for the past seven years.
But you will be the nominee, and I want you to win. Hell, I'd give my left nut to help you win -- how's that for being ready to unify the party? But there are some things you're going to need to do, and it's time to get started. You can thank me later.
1. Invite Hillary to be Your Running Mate
Do it now. Do it publicly. Go on television and remind the country what a fierce, tireless advocate for Democratic principles she is. Tell them there's no one you'd want in your corner more than Hillary Clinton -- she's an unflagging campaigner, a strong fundraiser, an inspiring speaker. A warrior. Ask her, as though you were asking her to the prom. She won't turn you down -- she will recognize the opportunity to be a leader and a stateswoman and you'll earn her loyalty by offering her a graceful way out of the box she's in, a way to win by losing. She'll also appreciate the sense of power -- it will be up to her to make the decision that can reunite the party, win the election, save the country. This will make you both look good, and put to rest the silly rumors (spread mostly by your people) of an "irreparable rift." And once she accepts, the primaries will be over, and you'll have a wide-open road to November.
2. Time to Focus on Policy
We're inspired. We're fired up, ready to go. Terrific! Now we need to know where we're going. Get in touch with your inner wonk. (Note: Hillary can show you how.) Start laying out big, juicy plans and proposals: on health care, on education, on climate change and alternative energy, on Iraq and Afghanistan, on terrorism and foreign relations and Israel. Why not dedicate each month, from now until November, to a major policy challenge -- August for Global Warming, September for American Schools, etc. -- and have a great national conversation about it, full of ideas, arguments, and hope? I know, I know -- conventional wisdom says you don't get specific and give your opponent a target. But you're supposed to be a New Politician, right? Plus, John McCain has absolutely nothing with which to counter, just more rehashed Republican crap. Every time he comments on your proposals he will reveal himself as bankrupt of ideas, a mere cheerleader for the Bushniks. Let him dig his own grave -- by laying out your vision for the country, you'll be handing him a shovel.
3. Stop Talking to Me Like I'm Your Student
If there's one word that can lose this election for you it's "understand." Has anyone ever pointed out how many sentences you start with this word? Not as in, "I understand your concerns" but as in, "Understand: I am smarter than you." It's the imperative case, and it makes everyone listening to you feel talked-down to. It's a rhetorical tic you probably developed in your professorial days, and it's got to go. Believe me: I'm a teacher, and when I say to my students, "Understand: blah blah blah..." they roll their eyes and lower my hotness rating on RateMyProfessors.com. You want to relate better to working-class white men? Start by not treating them like dunces.
4. Remember Charlie Brown
Every time Lucy tells him to try and kick the football, he winds up on his ass. Then she tells him she's sorry, he tries again, same result. I know that Senator McCain has promised a "respectful" campaign. He might even think he means it. But he doesn't. And even if he did, the rest of the right-wing apparatus is getting ready to beat the hell out of you. They specialize in offering you a handshake, then kneeing you in the groin and spitting on you. They're going to enjoy tearing you apart, smearing you, turning you into a Weak-willed Elitist Harvard Commie Terrorist Panther Muslim. It's going to be all Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers, all the time. Instead of acting shocked and indignant when you get attacked, what say you get ready to hit back? How about you get some of your own attacks chambered up and show the Republicans what you're made of? Ever wonder how the hell Hillary Clinton turned into the darling of the blue collar set? She showed them she doesn't take any shit. So take off the gloves, Senator -- this is a street fight, not a game of croquet. On that note:
5. Come Out Swinging
Why not challenge John McCain to a debate -- right now, mano a mano? There's no need to wait for the conventions -- everyone knows what the outcome will be. Make the general election a five-month affair, rather than a two-month affair. (Bonus: the media will love you for it!) Probably McCain won't accept, and you get to ask why the Republican nominee is unwilling to discuss the future of the country -- does he think the problems we face can wait until he's better rested? And on the off-chance that he accepts, you'll take him apart and let the country see what a cranky, ham-handed, weird guy he is -- and Democrat or Republican, old or young, black or white, the one thing Americans won't tolerate in a President is weird.
6. Don't Pull Your Punches
If there's one thing Karl Rove had right, it's that you don't attack your opponent on his weaknesses, you attack him on his strengths. So what are McCain's strengths? Campaign finance reform? It's a joke. It's already falling apart, and if he believes in it so passionately, what's he doing flying around in his wife's plane? Experience? What has he accomplished, immigration reform? Not quite. The anti-torture amendment? You mean the one President Bush nixed with a signing statement, with hardly even a whimper from John-boy? Military experience? You'd think a guy who spent a chunk of his life in a quagmire would know one when he saw it. Use the footage of him walking through Baghdad in a flak jacket and sunglasses like Lee Atwater used the photo of Dukakis in the tank. Take these supposed strengths apart one by one and what's he got left -- his reputation as a "maverick"? Give me a break.
7. Wipe the Peeved Expression Off Your Face
Let's get one thing straight: Politics is rough, and a presidential campaign is a nasty, bloody business. When your opponent points out your weaknesses, when she exploits an opportunity or uses an advantage, she's only doing what it takes to win because she believes she's the best person for the job. It doesn't make her morally inferior. And yet every time Hillary or Charles Gibson pressed an attack you presented an annoyed, impatient face as though you were too good to respond. As though it were beneath you. It's not beneath you. Questions about flag pins may be stupid, and damaging to American political discourse -- but they're not beneath you. Get angry if you want. Show some righteous indignation. But stop looking so disappointed in everyone all the time. We have mothers for that.
8. Stop Drinking Your Own Kool-Aid
The messianic rhetoric is not going to work in the general election. "We are the ones we've been waiting for" sounds like something Obi-wan Kenobi would say (the bad, Ewan McGregor version, not even Alec Guinness). Look, you are not the Candidate of Destiny or the Incarnation of Hope or the Second Coming of Kennedy: You are the only chance we've got to avoid four more years of incompetent, criminal, dishonest leadership. The future of this country is riding on your ability to win -- and I for one would feel more comfortable if you sounded like you knew how hard the fight was going to be, rather than sounding like my yoga teacher.
9. It's the Shrub, Stupid
Run against George W. Bush, every chance you get. Call McCain his conjoined twin. There's no downside: the president has lower approval ratings than Stalin. Appeal to three-quarters of the population's desire to make someone pay for what has happened to this country. And that someone is John McCain, who stood by and let Bush do it.
10. Win This Thing. Just Win It. I Don't Care How.
Don't break my heart, Senator Obama. Don't pull a John Kerry and whistle your way to defeat. There is no time left: The country needs someone to pull it out of the abyss Bush-Cheney has thrown it into. Are you that someone? Then you'd better be prepared to do whatever you have to do. If you're not, then give Hillary the reins -- at least she'll go down swinging.
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Some would argue that Obama's campaign has been reasonably effective and that morphing into HRC at this point would be disingenuous. Understand?
Dream on about HRC as VP...it will be Webb
No HRC anywhere '08
Wel done! I am on the same page with everything you have to say.
It's nice for all anti-Clinton people to hear that not everyone supporting Hillary are a dumb uneducated non-progressive racists. They are also critical thinking progressives who maybe just didn't buy into voting based on star quality, Obama's message that his politics are new (remember Bill C reached across the isle for 8 years of peace and prosperity, including peace between Isreal and Iran) or the ridiculous subversive smear campaign against Clinton demonstrated daily on this site, talk radio and by tv pundits.
And for the Obama supporters who can't stomach Hillary as a running mate--this country is not just for you! Almost as many people voted for her and she can help him carry the dems to victory. She is a wonderful compassionate accomplished woman and I would be thrilled with an Obama/Clinton ticket.
Obama/Clinton 08
I also take offense to your statement that if someone doesn't support Hillary as Obama's running mate - a scenario, by the way, which will NEVER happen - then this country just isn't for them. I would just love to know how many Hillary supporters would have been accepting of Obama as a VP? Probably more than I realize, because that would be the only scenario under which Hillary would have been able to manipulate her way to the top of the ticket. Still, there was just as much, if not more, contempt directed in the direction of Obama and his supporters than the other way around what with Obama supporters being called immature, star-struck, deluded kool-aid drinkers.
By the way, I am a young feminist who was a rabid Hillary supporter until about mid February of this year. I gave her a significant amount of my time, money, and energy. And then she crawled in the gutter, used all of the dirty campaign tactics that we as Dems have decried the Republicans for for years, and lied, lied, lied, and tore Obama down, over and over again, and praised McCain, and then turned into a gun-love professing, Iran obliterating Neo-Con, all to the severe detriment of the Democratic Party. She does not deserve the VP slot. She deserves to be excused from the Party.
Obama/Anyone But HRC 08
Instead of immediately taking this opportunity to attack Obama supporters, or anyone who didn't just lay down and allow themselves to be steamrolled by Clinton's inevitablity campaign, I might suggest that you also direct your comments to your fellow Clinton supports, 50% of whom (according to polling anyway) say that they will vote McCain before they vote for Obama. Kind of says a lot about Hillary as a candidate, or at least about the supporters she attracts when 50% of them find an elderly, neo-con warmongering Republican to be the next best choice as opposed to a fellow Democrat who, as even you indicate, bears a striking resemblance to the young, inspiring, relatively unknown Bill Clinton of 1992. So, yes, 50% of your fellow HRC supporters are either dumb, uneducated, and non-progressive or they are just tremendously immature and graceless in defeat.
And I find it humorous that you would insult those of us who support Obama by suggesting that we were blinded by, and voted on, his "star quality". No one - NO ONE - has more "star quality" in the Democratic Party than the Clintons.
I must say I disagree with most of Mr. Altschul's ten suggestions and his conclusion. Right on his first suggestion we part company,
"Invite Hillary to be Your Running Mate. Do it now. Do it publicly. Go on television and remind the country what a fierce, tireless advocate for Democratic principles she is."
As a progressive, I don't find Hillary to be tireless advocate for Democratic principles. I won't list the many reasons here. If Obama did say she was tireless advocate for Democratic principles, I would hope he would, 'wink wink'. If he believed this to be true, then I've supported the wrong candidate.
#11: Keep your spouse under control.
Not to be sexist--Hillary could have used the same advice for her Bill--but Mrs O seems to have the potential to be a loose cannon in a similar way.
I agree. I think Hillary should be his running mate. It would guarantee him the support of women voters. It offers an almost unbeatable ticket, unless a new major Clinton scandal is unearthed. It also allows him to keep her under control and on message. It does weaken his "change" theme though, but I think it is a good compromise. The party wounds will be healed. I also strongly agree that he needs coaching on his body language. It is really bad at times. He has to stop turning his head every time he gets asked a question. He needs to smile more too. I know he is probably fed up with the MSM and this shows but he does need to work with them if he wants to win this.
"I agree. I think Hillary should be his running mate."
ABSOLUTELY NOT! That is an incredibly bad idea. I just don't see that working for either one of them. I can't imagine why she would accept, anyway.
I agree with most of your points especially 4,7 and 8. But how can he fight McCain when Hillary is still in the race. Tell her to quit and lets start the game. I agree Obama had to get the axe an start chopping heads.
Nice post! I agree with all ten.
Sadly, you will be brutally criticized by the overwhelming majority of Huffington Post readers--but, it was a well-reasoned, sensible essay, which actually focused upon the detail too many people on this site don't seem to grasp: only _November_ matters in this campaign.
Obama has done pretty well of sticking to his core message of change. Hillary represents anything BUT change. She, and other politicians like her, are the very reason I have never gotten involved in politics before, except for voting. Selecting Hillary as the VP would go against the Obama campaign message of change and my level of respect for Obama would definitely diminish.
Besides, he would need to hire a professional food taster and sleep with one eye open....
Andrew, you'll forgive Barack Obama, of course, if he doesn't give a flying f*** what you think he should do. He just ran the best campaign we've seen in a couple of decades, found 1.5 million donors, drew 30,000 people at a clip to rallies, and defeated the most entrenched political family the Dems have seen since the Kennedys. He started his campaign with zero superdelegates, while Hillary started with over 100, and he has converted the Democratic party leadership. He has gotten volunteers to register millions of new voters and put together state campaign organizations that not only blasted Clinton's machine out of the water but will help people down-ballot in November. What have you done lately?
Bravo...exactly.
Well Andrew, While reading your post I thought, here's the one in 50 opinions I can fully agree upon... until I got to your NUMBER 1. It just defeated everything that you had posted up to that point.
Obama is much stronger than you would lead us to believe. We actually need people in leadership positions who can offer solutions to the vast number of problems that CheneyOilCo will dump on us when Obama wins the general election. The Clintons (can we say co-VP?) can not be part of any solution... simply because they are such a huge part of the problem. I know you are desperately trying to spin this trial balloon into the air for serious consideration... but almost all of us see it for what it is... a joke, and a bad one at that. The Clintons need to go home to their carpetbagging and influence peddling ways... and stay there. Good riddance to old politics. I will not vote for Obama if the Clintons are the VP "choices". America deserves better and the pool of talent from which he can draw is plenty vast and deep without succumbing to your misguided notion of "support".
Yep, just like the success we had with the 2006 elections. Watch out, when we put our Dems in, in 2006 everything will change. Pelosi will change it all. But, excuses are easy to manufacture.
Yes, but that will change after January 2009, you just wait. And, wait, and wait.
Prepare yourself for another huge disappointment with Obama.
Only marginal items will change, and the excuses will start flowing. But, the Results will be missing.
Let's guess on how many MORE troops we will have in Iraq in 2012 under Obama.
Be prepared to be very disappointed with the lack of results
Your unabashed optimism is contagious!
Obama can't take a punch and the Republicans know that. The Republicans threw everything they had at the Clintons and they survived intact and in fact became stronger.
Hard core Obama supporters will so frustrated in the general election. They won't know what hit them.
Still time to pick the stronger candidate but the Dem leadership is hell bent to select the weaker candidate. That plus negating votes in FL/MI. Dean and Pelosi don't get it, they don't have it in them to win the big game.
LOL
I'm amazed at the ability of hardcore Clintonians to delude themselves.
if bush had been less of a fighter and more of a thinker........and if clinton had been more of a thinker and less of a fighter she would have ran a better campaign and lived up to the media hype instead while she was throwing punches obama was thinking and planning .
Its the Democratic heritage - McGovern, Humphrey, Dukakis, Mondale, Gore, Kerry. But, we can be proud we RAN a better candidate. We ran the peoples choice.
You'll pardon me if I put more faith In what Obama, Axelrod, and et al believe is appropriate as the campaign moves forward than what you or the thousands of other offering up their unsolicited, very often insipid, advice have to suggest.
Amen - no self-respecting Obama supporter could stomach Hillary as VP...and fighting the shrub? They'd be quick to point out he isn't running - tick to the facts, fight McCain and get some of the teflon off of him...point out the flip-flops and the hypocrisy and elitism, etc...
If your strategy ain't broke, don't fix it....
Obama 08!
The campaign isn't _about_ Obama supporters; it's about what's best for the United States of America. If Senator Obama is now the nominee, then he needs to put the country first, not try to mollify people who are already planning to vote for him.
I agree. I just don't see how selecting Clinton as a running mate can possibly be good for America.
I'm really concerned about this naive "post-partisan" political settlement Obama seems to be advocating. It is a misidiagnosis of the basic political problem in America.
It wasn't DIVISION that misled the nation into war under false pretenses against the wrong country, bankrupting the treasury, sending working class soldiers to die, giving the wealthy unnecessary tax cuts with instructions to go shopping as their part of the war effort.
It wasn't DIVISION that denied global warming, attempted to privatize Social Security. and put health care industry profits above actual access to health care.
It wasn't DIVISION that lowered the standard of living for America's middle class and pursued so-called "free" but not fair trade deals.
It wasn't DIVISION that attempted to theocratize America and instill discrimination against a whole demographic of Americans into our constitution.
It wasn't DIVISION that did these things. It was CONSERVATISM that did these things.
Conservatives and whole neo-conservative movement are to blame. We don't want conservatives anywhere near the table.
Our greatest Democratic President, FDR, was able to accomplish great progressive goals because he was willing to stomp all over the forces of conservatism of his day and send them into the political wilderness for a generation.
We need a crusader for great progressive legislation rooted in beloved liberal values of freedom, equality and opportunity for all.
DIVISION has not been the problem. CONSERVATISM has been the problem.
I hope someone in Team Obama knows that.
The Democrats were also complicit, with their stunning cowardice. I don't think conservatives in general are responsible, but the Bushie neo-cons definitely are.
You have to have everyone at the table if you want any chance of anything getting done. Otherwise, get ready for gridlock. That's typical Clinton thinking, same old politics, just coming from the other side of the aisle.
Well said. I never drank the Obama Kool-Aid and I couldn't disagree more with this "post-partisan" nonsense. I want someone who will be an enthusiastic partisan for progressive ideals. Not only does Obama's stance not inspire confidence on that point his policy positions (those that exist) and some of his public statements like "the Republicans have been the party of ideas"( yeah, really bad ones, but who's counting), his echoing of the disingenuous right-wing stance on Social Security, his support for nuclear energy and his neo-liberal economic advisers have convinced me that he really doesn't, in his heart, support progressive values.
Incidentally, I did not (and would not) support Hillary Clinton either. I tuned out the Democratic primary when it degenerated into a contest between two center-right, corporate-owned candidates fighting over who could sound the most Republican. This after the media and the big-money types had forced anyone resembling an actual Democrat out of the race.
As it stands now, I'm writing in Gore.
Man, if that isn't the most sour, full-of-piss-and-vinegar "you'll do" speech I've ever seen...
as to your list -
1. No. Just no.
2. Have you been to Senator Obama's website? We've got most of his policy positions, dude.
3. Understand, you are an ass.
4. ... ok, you are partially right about this. We cannot believe that McCain's handlers would LET HIM run a positive campaign even if he vehemently wanted to. But no, he should not strike back - or even strike first. His strength is in NOT doing that S.O.S. - and he's weakest when he fails to stay above such B.S.
5. I think many are tired of debates right now. Besides, if he tried this you know how big a stink the Clinton camp would raise about his "ego" and "presumptiveness"? (yes, I made up a word)
SamThornton,
Your response is perfect. Every word.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My candidate lost! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
This is utter nonsense. Hillary is tireless, but she is just as liable to fight for horrible, evil legislation, just as she is for something worthwhile. Think about it--overall, her bad votes, lies, and panders outweigh the good. By quite a bit. There will also be no reform under a Hillary administration. Until this election, the Clintons have played the fundraising game better than any Dem in my lifetime. You think they'll give this up? In raising money, they have sold out the country. Relaxed oversight leads to corruption, and the Clintons are corrupt.
Hillary only swings against Democrats, for Republicans and their corporate-friendly policies she just triangulates and panders.
Obama has proven time and time again that he has more leader in his left foot that Hillary has in her entire being. Don't worry, he'll do right.
Geez Louise, Andrew. Title for this should be "Ten Worst Things Obama Could Possibly Do."
1) Hillary as Veep. Ugh. Best VP choice: Jim Webb, Marine war hero with brains and moxie. Webb holds Navy Cross, Silver Star, two Bronze Stars, two Purple Hearts, plus comes from big swing state. Take that, McCain!
2) Focus on Policy. Obama focused on policy from day one. See his website, for gosh sakes!
3) Dumb down message. Been living on outer planet? Not dumbing down message one of his appeals.
4) Become A Dick, Part One. Non-nasty campaigning is Obama strength, not weakness.
5) Become A Dick, Part Two. See 4.
6) Become A Dick, Part Three. See 4.
7) Wipe the Peeved Expression Off Your Face. ??? Put shiteating grin on face, start sentences with, "My friends?" Please!
8) Stop Drinking Your Own Kool-Aid. Sounds like shorter version of Limbaugh rant.
9) It's the Shrub, Stupid. Doh! Let McCain deal with Das Shrub.
10) Win This Thing. Just Win It. I Don't Care How. Nearly every voter in country does care. Back to Planet X, Andrew!
I agree with everything else.
Cosigning!
"7) Wipe the Peeved Expression Off Your Face. ??? Put shiteating grin on face, start sentences with, "My friends?" Please!"
This best describes McCain better than anything I've seen in recent times.
Posted May 8, 2008 | 12:18 AM (EST)