There are far worse things going on in the world than Barack Obama referring to a reporter as "sweetie." And since he does so well with apologies, I'm beginning to wonder, anyway, whether he is offending in order to benefit from subsequently being contrite.
In my persuasion classes I talk about patterns. Some people push arguments farther than they need to go so they can apologize. This is especially the case if they've been rewarded for apologies.
We attribute characteristics to others based on how we perceive what they say and do. But we don't do this in isolation from past experience, expectations and patterns. Barack doesn't want to be perceived as an elitist, so referring to a journalist as "sweetie" has the added advantage of making him just a guy who slipped. You know, verbally clumsy.
It's highly unlikely that Barack intended to insult the journalist. His comment falls, at worst, in the offensive range.
But I've been at this persuasion stuff for years and unlike some who think Barack's use of "sweetie" necessarily belies a patronizing sentiment toward women, I'm going with the politician frame. They aren't mutually exclusive, but consider this.
Very little of what politicians do publicly is accidental -- especially when the stakes are high. It is conceivable that he used "sweetie" on purpose to achieve "one of the guys" status, preferable to elitism, and because apologies are good for people who seem at times to be insensitive to women.
Surely this strikes more than a few as one of those feminist things or just what those Hillary supporters in denial say. And, indeed, it may be giving more political savvy credit than is due. But, if we don't even suspect when politicians are managing our perceptions, we abdicate choice and become lemmings. If we accept only the most obvious explanation, we cheat ourselves. Personally, I prefer rhetorical vigilance.
In any event, we could look at it this way. He didn't say, "Listen sweetie" in the derogatory way this word pair is usually used. And I guess that's something.
Dr. Reardon also blogs at bardscove
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God, yet ANOTHER trivial, meaningless article from a "victim" of sexism. This daily barrage by reverse sexists is getting quite tedious and ridiculous.
Give it a rest, OK, sweetie?
There was nothing sexist about what Obama said, he was just being pleasant. That is obvious.
Wasn't the apology from Obama first made public by the journalist herself?
"Shortly after the incident, Obama left a message on Agar's (Peggy Agar of Detroit's WXYZ-TV) home answering machine apologizing for not answering her question and for calling her sweetie. The TV station played the audio message on-air."
If so, he would literally have had to be in cahoots with the TV station and Peggy Agar for them to make the apology public. If they had not, it would have remained unresolved and could have been negative.
Sorry, Reardon. Although I agree that everything a politician does must be assumed to be orchestrated, this time I think it was just a word.
I didn't really know that the term "sweetie" is a sexist term. I have been called sweetie, hon, dear by more old and older women than by anyone else. This non-issue seems like a desperate attempt to create controversy where none exists.
By the way, just a word of advice from an old woman...if you ever run for President don't call anyone "sweetie."
When a man uses "sweetie" toward a grown professional woman, it is condescending and sexist. You may not care how a presidential candidate treats groups of people, whether it be women or AA or Jews or any other group, but a lot of people do care. How you treat other people tells a lot about the kind of person you are.
Is a woman really "grown and professional" when she keeps blurting out and interrupting someone who is trying to hear someone else? It seems to me that she was acting like a child, so maybe he confused her with his daughter and absent-mindedly held her off for a moment while he finished what he was listening to/answering. Wonder why we haven't discussed her rudeness?
Even Repubs I know are defending Obama on this. We (in rural south) are quite shocked to know that a warm, friendly term like hon or sweetie is so offensive to some of you. May I apologize on behalf of all the "Flo" waitresses from neighborhood diners who may have called you sweetie or hon when they poured your coffee on your way to your big meeting when you came thru town--even though you may not have looked up and thanked her. (Maybe she didn't realize how important a "professional" woman is....)
Colloquialisms and terms of endearment usually make people feel at ease, and keep us from being complete automatons.
I admit use of the word can be condescending.
But you know, use of ANY word can be condescending, if you try to make it so. A leer, a sweeping glance from head to toe, staring at her breasts, a tone of voice. The discerning female - who doesn't immediately jump to conclusions - knows how to read these signs and can tell when someone means to insult her or not.
I saw the video. Obama was distracted and she kept calling for his attention, and he reacted the way many people do when distracted - they reply almost as if they think they're replying to their kid or their spouse. It's unconscious.
There wasn't an iota of sexism in his demeanor. There just wasn't. Watch the video, and you will see for yourself.
Women have a lot of battles to fight, but like any minority, we have to pick and choose our battles, lest we be viewed and whiny and over-dramatic.
name me one politician, who has ever responded to a male journalist -- no matter how impudent the journalist was in asking questions -- by referring to him as 'sweetie', just one, please.
Rather than admit that Hillary Clinton ran a disaterous campaign, and was incapable of converting the worlds best advantages to actual, you know, votes, we are going to hear the "sexism" defense.
I live in the South, and we call EVERYBODY sweetie. It is not a gender specific endearment, and I beleive most people understand that. Except, of course, if you are desperate to find an excuse for bad decsions.
Oh my God, this is so ludicrous. If I read one more word about the "sweetie" thing, I'm going to scream. No wonder men think we're a bunch of whining ninnies - we're sure acting like it this year.
Listen. I have been a feminist my whole life. But when we start acting like the most important battle in the struggle for women's equality is the word sweetie, we look like a bunch of complete idiots - especially if we come up with full-on CONSPIRACY THEORIES about why he said "sweetie". Listen up, Reardon, if you soend your time worrying about someone else's precise word choices, you aren't showing equality - you're showing weakness and insecurity! Jesus Christ, what strong woman wouldn't be able to brush aside a "sweetie" or two? Being a strong woman means rolling with the punches. Remember what Hillary said just one short week ago? "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen"?
Also - I call men "Sweetie" every single day. It's a term of endearment, not a BAD EVIL SEXIST WORD. Get over yourselves.
exactly, because Hillary and her supporters don't want to put responsibility where it lies, with Hillary and her campaign, so they try to paint Obama as a sexist, even if it stretches reality beyond ridiculousness. Hell, just look at Geraldine Ferraro's most recent comments, they are all part of a strategy to scorch the earth:
http://www.thepersonalispolitical.com/2008/05/is-hillary-scorching-earth-for-2012.html
WHY............was this even written?
WHAT........purpose does it serve?
WHO.........are you people (women) kidding?
Y'know everybody in the entire city of "Balmore" refers to other people as "hon". I guess they're all sexist now?
So it's a preplanned "sweetie conspiracy theory." Problem is watch the video, he was walking away when the reporter asked a question. Totally impromptu response on his part.
Y'know, I've seen three clips of Mr. Obama calling someone "Sweetie," and all three times he was being interrupted by the woman in question. It seems to me that using a casual endearment might be his way of deflecting a distraction while he was already concentrating on something or someone else, but without seeming harsh. It's not condescending to decline to jump each and every hoop held in front on you on a moment's notice-- and it's a rare talent to be able to do so without being rude, IMHO.
What in heaven's name possesses women these days? I can't believe there's this much chat about "sweetie" .... and the author is an MD, PHD? Get real ladies, there are a whole lot of other battles to fight and getting your panties in a knot about something like this is seriously laughable.
Sweetie-Gate is an unfortunate example of how Hillary Clinton and her wealthy, powerful, elite female supporters have trivilized feminism and turned the issue of sexism into a national TV gotcha game-show.
Ask a woman who has worked her entire life to the best of her ability with her clerical skills, for example, and who is poor, always has been poor, and if she lives long enough to retire will be even poorer, who has gained weight and cannot afford new clothes or to get her hair done or go to the dentist, whose first and second husbands are dead or divorced -- ask her if she cares if someone calls her "sweetie" once, in a distracted moment. I don't think so.
What women need in this country is economic justice. They need a good paycheck and support for their children. They need healthcare. They need safety against violent men. They need opportunity to advance. They need respect.
As long as our society keeps women from earning a fair living, as long as our society ignores the 3 million women/year who are brutalized by their male partners, as long as our society dresses 12 year olds as hookers, teaches them to simulate intercourse on a stripper pole and calls it "entertainment," as long as self-mutilation, silicone injection and starvation, is the only avenue of advancement for women -- someone using the word "sweetie" will go completely unnoticed by anyone except wealthy powerful silly women. Sweetie-Gals, I'll call them.
So wait... all the waitresses in those diners who have called me "sweetie" in my life are patronizing sexists? Who'd have thunk. And I thought they wanted to be nice. Shouldn't have given them so much tip money, I guess.
I have been called sweetheart, sweetie, hon, honey, babe, and many like references by waitresses, secretaries and other working women and have never taken being addressed as such as anything more than friendly and/or complimentary. Is being a male the difference here? Why would being female make being addressed as sweetie any less friendly or complimentary? I think it is a little presumptuous to assume being addressed as sweetie is either demeaning or insulting.
Oh Pleeezzz. Have you seen or heard Michelle??? Does she seem like the type of woman who would be married to a man who is patronizing? She is definitely a strong and secure woman. My husband at times may use the term honey or darling with women. He is not being offensive or demeaning. Some men use these terms innocently and maybe a little touchy feely. Obviously Sen. Obama may need to be careful. There are feminist out here that have taken this to the extreme.
I posted at Erica Jong's piece about this as well. I am a woman. 43 years old. I have a young daughter (14 months old). Ever since she was born, I find myself calling all kinds of people "sweetie," "darling," "honey," you name it. It's a function of being tired. Seriously. It's not just women that I refer to with these terms of endearment either. It can be anybody--with the limiting factor being that I don't think it happens if I'm talking to someone who is clearly older than i am. So I just don't believe that this slip of the tongue needs to be either sexist or a deliberate political ploy. I bet Obama is so tired that he probably calls David Axelrod "dear" by mistake on occasion too.
One is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own set of facts.
The essay/post as it now stands it's a logic fallacy, beyond any doubt, did you intend to use sophism Or Pure Aristoteliam sophistry by intent?
As a long time fan of yours Dr. Reardon, I cannot tell you how disappointed I am with this essay/post, it has perplexed me to say the least. As always Agape(Love in fellowship of our shared fragile Humanity)
Sweetie's OK.
Sweaty...not so much.
The essay/post as it now stands it's a logic fallacy, beyond any doubt, did you intend to use sophism Or Pure Aristotelian sophistry by intent?
As a long time fan of yours Dr. Reardon, I cannot tell you how disappointed I am with this essay/post, it has perplexed me to say the least. As always Agape(Love in fellowship of our shared fragile Humanity)
Just for laughs:
When caught off-guard, Obama subconsciously sees a woman trying to have an effect on him as an echo of his wife.
Calling Doctor Freud.
I realize there's a huge cultural and regional range. I call my wife sweetie. No one else. Not even by accident.
Many good comments below, but very FEW respond to Dr. Reardon's point.
Probably not so much "caught off-guard" so much as "tired and distracted". It wouldn't surprise me if he calls Michelle "sweetie" at home.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Seems you have forsaken your religion once again.
I don't see anything offensive or sexist about calling someone sweetie. I have always called my son that and maybe Obama calls it daughters that also. He could have just slipped because it could be a habit when he addresses his children. Aren't there any other issues more important than this asinine attack? Give it a rest!
He can call me sweetie anytime and I don't mean that in any sexist way. I'll take someone saying something nice to me anytime. He didn't mean anything by that. People call people sweetie here in the south all the time. People need to grow up.
I bet the women and men in Iraq are really cranked up about Obama calling someone sweetie.
Nowadays you just don't call reporters or other business people, for that matter, "sweetie." I'm a small business owner and I would NEVER call a business associate or customer by that moniker. It just isn't done. What is done is a bully boss who calls his secretary a "sweetie." It's done by men who believe they are better than the women who work for them or with them. Obama was being his elitist self and putting down the woman who was seeking his comment. It is not acceptable.
Honey, and I call everyone that when I don't, sometimes when I do) know their name. Of course I'm in my seventies and am glad to have reached that point where you cannot call it sexist. Oh yes that includes men, women, girls and boys.
I also, and have more decades, called my children, there being seven of them, by the wrong name. Or sometimes at the tail end of calling out a number of names. I don't think any of them are seriously offended. Hence sweetie, or in my case honey is often used.
Now me, I come from the school where you never congratulate the bride only the groom. Her, you say good luck to. Remebering that he is the lucky one. And when introducing someone you pay honor to the person of more esteem, (age position etc) by introducing the person to them.- never the opposite. I always hold out my hand when being inroduced. I never call someone by their first name unless given permission. Even at my age I will stand for a pregnant woman or one with children. I believe a wedding belongs to the bride and groom and never, never, to the mother. (even though that has been my role numerous times) And I allow many younger men to call me hon, dearie, and often (by my youngest son's friends) hey babe.
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Posted May 17, 2008 | 09:23 PM (EST)