My Musings On Vanity

Mirror, mirror, on the wall! Who's the vainest of them all?

Yesterday, while doing something decidedly un-vain, my thoughts happened to stumble upon Vanity as a topic for this column. A pretty relevant topic, considering yesterday's post, in which i subjected myself to the most unflattering "makeover" known to man, took photos, and posted them on the Huffington Post for all the world to see.

And in doing so, I patted myself on the back and felt a congratulatory smugness -- because, you see, you can't post such ridiculously unflattering images of yourself and be vain! And then it occurred to me that the fact that I was so hyper-aware of said fact may, in fact, be a sign of my vanity! Yikes! And so I found myself in a bit of a conundrum.

What was vanity? Was I vain? Why was vanity such a bad thing?

(Oh, and I should clarify here that I'm talking Vanity as Pride and therefore as one of the Seven Deadly Sins - the old ones, not the new ones - hence the Capitalization. Also - you can probably expect a post on each of the other six deadly sins at some point in the future. Be prepared.)

The definition of vanity is to "take excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, [or] achievements." The operative word here is excessive. I think the problem with pride and/or vanity happens when it overshadows whatever good qualities you had to be proud of in the first place. Because then you just look like a jerk and that sucks.

But I think a healthy dose of pride - perhaps a solid awareness of with a pinch of confidence - in your abilities and/or acheivements is great! I think most people would agree. But it's pride in one's appearance with which people seem to have the most problem. Is it because appearance is (for the most part) a genetic thing? Is it because it's not begat of effort, hard work, and determination but of a lucky combination of chromosomes? But don't most skills and laudable talents come from an inherent (perhaps even genetic) ability?

I bemoan yesterday's photo essay as "decidedly unflattering" but I know that's relative. I have enough confidence in my appearance that I don't mind posting unattractive photos of myself. Is that confidence such a bad thing?

I think false humility is a far worse sin than pride - though, to be fair, perhaps false humility is a form of pride. I just think it's the worst kind. I'd rather know someone who takes pride (even an excessive amount) in their attributes, than someone who "aw, shucks!"-es their way through a conversation. It's a weaker and more insecure form of vanity - one in which a person is aware of how fantastically amazing they are, and yet they still feels the need to fish for more compliments than they can even give themselves. Now that's a real jerk.

But that's just my opinion.

How do you define vanity? Where do you draw the line between pride and excessive pride? False humility is clearly not cool, but do you think it pays to be humble in other ways? Would you consider yourself vain? I'm curious - let's discuss. Tell me your thoughts below!

Comments

[GeologyRocks]

I can draw a line between vanity and excessive vanity with such perfection and divine skill, that anyone witnessing this line would weep at the amazing beauty of it. Please note however, that I cannot take credit for this remarkable gift, for I am only using the tools bestowed upon me by a higher power.

Would that be over the line?

[morenot]

Vanity can be a very grave and real sin; much worse than anything contemplated in this article. When a person acts in ways that abuse others because they have the belief that they are worthier, that is a sin of vanity. People do have to "work" to have an exceptional appearance. They have to devote time and interest to develop any of their potential inherent gifts. I would have a hard time finding any place where I would agree with the author's statements about all talents and appearances are inherent. The capacity to take up an activity and excell at it is mostly a precondition but without the work and effort of the individual it would never be brought out. I don't think people should worry so much about "fishing for compliments." Getting acknowledged for something and reassured is a comfort that should not be held onto with such tightfists and hostility. Paying compliments in a way that is helpfull to a person is not the norm. Some people must be fortunate to have a family that "acknowledges" them for their positive characteristics, whether they be good moral acts or an attractive appearance or a talent, but most have to wait incessently for anyone to even say anything kind. Insults are always available. Hearing praise is not a horrible selfish thing to desire but it is treated as though it were because these conceptions about vanity have been passed along since their creation by austere cultures like Victorians.

[avicenna]

Gluttony - by far - is the worst of the sins as the downfall is swift and hard. Vanity is often a shawl draped on to hide a fear of inadequacy. It is not useful or time well-spent contemplating how much is too much when it comes to vanity - if you're at the point at being obsessed and are handicapped in functioning in matters of real importance because of vain persuits - you have crossed that line.

[wildflowermaven]

I think more of us have problems with not thinking enough of ourselves, especially physically. We reach for impossible ideals while not realizing we are already beautiful. Those who fish for compliments are insecure, still searching to really accept themselves.

[wm1066]

Monkeys and apes spend alot of time grooming each other, so I think trying to look good is a natural and inherant quality. The problem comes when you look into a mirror and compare your self with your neighbor.

[Arithrianos]

I think the problem with vanity is that is reinforces egoism. When I am in my right mind, and i remember reality as it is, Then there is no accompishment or talent that I possess myself, everything is a result of the whole web of life, not just my little space in that web. the reason i think "I" accomplished something is just because I am looking at it from my own limited viewpoint, which is the root of egoism.

[gappedtoothgodwarrior]

I think it helps that the majority of the comments on that blog were along the lines of "Wow you are gorgeous!" so that probably took away a lot of potential for bad feeling you might have had over your picture.

Personally I'm fantastic, it's not vanity if it's the truth.

[Balzac]

"Primordial Narcissism" is not bad. The problem comes when you begin to justify your narcissism with something in particular. It's better to take an irrational and non-objective approach to feeling good about your self.