What About Bill?

We've heard a lot of pleas of sympathy for Hillary Clinton ever since she conceded that she didn't win the Democratic nomination. We were told that it was going to be necessary for there to be some time for "the healing process." Newsweek even suggested that candidates who lose presidential elections generally suffer from a kind of post-traumatic stress disorder. If this is true, I have the utmost confidence that Hillary will triumph over these difficulties. She has certainly demonstrated her strength and resiliency during the campaign. The one I'm worried about is Bill.

More than ever, during the interminable campaign for the nomination, the former president demonstrated his love of the limelight. For several years, he had seemed content to be off the front pages and the evening news. He appeared to be happy doing both philanthropic work and making a fortune giving speeches about being philanthropic. But then he got a taste of it again, and he remembered what he'd been missing all those years. It was publicity, feeling important, and having cute young reporters writing down every word that he said.

If he couldn't be president again because of some silly little Constitutional thing, he'd be the closest thing to it. He could be the First Gentleman. Not only that, but he'd be the first First Gentleman.

However, the more obvious it became that Senator Clinton wasn't going to win, the more desperate Bill became. "Hey, this isn't fair," he probably thought. "I'd make a better First Spouse than Michelle Obama. She doesn't even know how to signal to the Secret Service guys to look the other way." If Bill hadn't acted so unprincipled in those final weeks of the campaign, he would have seemed pathetic. So let's not ask that question about Hillary anymore. Instead, let's ask, "What's Bill going to do now?"

Is he really going to be able to go back to the shadows after people made all this fuss about him again? I don't think so. His kind of "attention deficit disorder" happens when the world gives him a deficit of attention.

It's not out of the question, but I doubt that he'll do the reality show, "At Home With The Crazy Clintons." (Note to the Fox Network: When you steal this idea, I'll sue but I'll settle out of court). I don't see him as an All-Star for the Yankees, and he's not going to run for the mayor of Hope, Arkansas. So what can he do that will satisfy his appetite for approval?

As I was worrying about poor Bill, I happened to hear that former basketball player/bridal gown model Dennis Rodman, and child star/do anything guy, Danny Bonaduce were going to be on a new television show called, "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Wrestling." I immediately thought this might be just the thing for Bill.

He'd get plenty of attention, he could show off his reduced body, and he'd have fawning female fans. But my insanity was only temporary. Bill Clinton is not Danny Bonaduce -- and he can quote me on that. Bill doesn't just want the spotlight. He desperately wants to be remembered respectfully. They might not always act like it, but Presidents apparently care what the history books will say about them.

I gave it some more thought, and then realized that Bill had not made a fool of himself for at least a week. He hasn't tried to upstage anyone lately. And he has stopped saying anything negative about Obama.

This last fact is what made me finally understand what Bill is up to. Why is he behaving himself? Why is he cozying up to Barack Obama? It's simple. Bill has figured out what he'd like to do next: he wants to be Vice President.

In addition to writing television shows and columns, Lloyd Garver has read many books, some of them in hardcover. He can be reached at [e-mail]. Check out his website at lloydgarver.com

Comments

[XME]

I think Bill as veep would be over a lot of people's dead bodies!

[DennyCrane]

Since he was disbarred, does that mean he can't be a Supreme Court justice? LOL

[JimR]

There's only one thing he can do. Reality show! "Be Bill's Intern"

[BadCompany]

Maybe somebody could resurrect Gomer Pyle with Bill in the starring role.
Gomer is exactly who I think of every time I hear Bill talk these days.

[longislandlol]

UN Secretary would suit him- he'd still live in NY and would get the world-wide respect we'd get with Obama as Pres.-- yes- Bill should head the UN-- he was born to do good for the world- not just the U.S>

[vippy]

Bill Clinton worked for the Republican Party. He did little for the middle class. In fact, I can't remember a single thing. Bill Clinton started a lot of this what is bad today, e.g. banking
deregulation, energy deregulation, etc.

[AuntSam]

You really think that we won't be hearing more from Bill on how his wife was so disrespected and robbed of the nomination? Shove a microphone in his red face and there he goes again...

[Beamreach]

Obama could use Bill pretty effectively by sending him around the world to repair our reputation abroad - and his. Maybe he could end up as the UN's Secretary General if we paid our dues!

[SgtLucifer]

Bill could attempt to make history again by running for governor of NY. Only Bill could muster the audacity of seeking a position once held by Spitzer, a veritable skirt chaser.

Alternatively, he could run for the Senate in Arkansas, or NY, or even in NJ. Anything to be on the front pages again, hey... Bill?

[4wehttam]

Governor of NJ, that's good. Rather have him than Lou Dobbs any day.

[benjaminblue]

Bill is relieved that Hillary was not selected. He will not have to disclose the identies of the many off-the-record, perhaps questionable, contributors, and he can continue with his multiple, perhaps shady, business dealings, amassing many, many millions more for delivering who knows what to who knows where or whom.

[vippy]

There is a lot of truth to your statement. I remember when he flew to Colombia just shortly before he stepped down as president and the article mentioned of page 3 of the local paper did not state
why he went there but I have a good idea!