I'm getting tired of studies about Bad Boys. The latest one, which appeared last Wednesday in the New Scientist, describes the "dark triad" of traits these men have: impulsive thrill-seeking behavior, narcissism, and deceitfulness. The study reports that these men have numerous short-term sexual relationships. It implies that women are duped by them because they are so cunning and unscrupulous. Most hot-blooded adult women will shrug at these findings. They are well aware of what they are getting into when they bed a bad boy. Nope, that's not news; the big secret is women actually choose these bad boys (or even let them think they "captured" us).
So what do women see in them? Entertaining, charming--at least initially--sexually assertive, not demanding, cocky, thrill seeking, and impulsive in a way we can enjoy vicariously (and temporarily). They leave in the morning and we are not heartbroken, quite possibly relieved at not having to attend an excruciatingly boring work-barbeque or to contend with an upright toilet top. Tell me you think Kate Moss is surprised at rocker Pete Doherty's behavior. Pamela shocked at Tommy Lee's? Irritated, sure, but surprised? Nah.
He's been voted top ten on MTV's Bad Boy list, his tattoo has obviously been through a few incarnations, he knows the threadcount at different drug and alcohol rehabs, and has "Parry" (Paris Hilton) on speed dial. Not surprised.
Lead researcher of the New Mexico State University study Peter Jonason discusses how James Bond encapsulates the "dark triad" of characteristics. He goes on to explain that Bond is "clearly disagreeable, very extroverted, and likes trying new things--killing people, new women." Note to Dr. Jonason: James Bond is sexy. He is fit, looks slamming in a tux, isn't scared of heading out to the dance floor for a tango, uses various utensils simultaneously (none of which includes a pocket knife), can drive a stick shift better than anyone in "The Fast and The Furious," would take a bullet for me and rock my world for hours and hours in one evening. He only kills bad guys and sure, he gets around, but he never promised otherwise anyway...which makes him more honorable than most bathroom tappin', cheap hotel cheatin', VIP club-owning, never slept "with that woman" politician. And don't forget that James is quite capable of falling in love and putting a ring on a gal's finger: Tracy Draco (played by the incomparable Diana Rigg in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service") captured his heart, but lost her life. Tantalizing is the idea that he never recovered.
I seriously doubt than few if any of the 200 students Dr. Jonason surveyed were thinking of Bond as a Bad Boy icon. This generation of 18-24 year olds has awesome BB models: impulsive, explosive, drug and/or alcohol abusing, misogynistic specimens as Eminem, Dave Navarro, 50 Cent, Jude Law, Colin Farrell, Mike Tyson, and Kevin Federline. James? James who?
Here's a series of polls for the women (relax, this is far from scientific, so humor me!):
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impulsive, thrill-seeking behavior, narcissism, and deceitfulness.
Describes Prez. Bush to a Tee. And he looked so good in that ( fake ) uniform.
Girls , next time you're tempted just keep GWB in mind- he's the logical outcome of a Bad Boy come to fruition.I'm sure that will be better than a chastity belt!
I loooovvveeee bad boys. They have that sexy, dangerous thing going on. They are intellectually interesting as they have great stories to tell and actually have something to say. There is nothing more boring than a guy in a suit.
I believe this article would have been better served by having an expert such as Dr. Drew Pinsky provide background on the psychology of girls who grow up in homes with abusive and alcoholic fathers. Many women do specifically seek out an abusive relationship and are incapable of forming an intimate bond with a normal average male.
Sr. Girls: "All the guys in our grade are dating underclassmen."
Me: "Really? Imagine! It's almost like when we were all Freshmen and sophomores! All the Senior Guys dated underclassmen then, too! I remember you went out with Guy A, you with Guy B, you with Guy C..."
As a "Nice Guy" who found his wife after her long-term relationship with a "Bad Boy" I can empathize with guys who wonder why girls always go for the rude cretins of the world. The answer: Edge. You have to have one to your personality. Find that seed inside you -- that inner comic, that closet sexual deviant (my choices, but go with what works for you) -- and nurture and develop it. White rice = nice, boring guy. White rice with curry = nice guy who may seem boring at first but who tells jokes after doing unspeakable things in bed!
Ok, my comment was done in satire. I have to take issue with the guys who say women won't date nice guys. I am with one now who I would not trade for anything. My guy who was once a bad boy, grew up and now is the nicest man on the planet. I am attracted to him becuase he doesn't have to be anything other than himself with me. Just being the guy who respects me, loves me, cares about me is all I could ever want or need. The fact that I chose him makes him feel like a million bucks too. Nice guys do finish first. You just have to find women who make them feel special, respected, honored to be with them. There are more of us than you realize, but we are not all size 2, blonde or blue eyed, and not all age 18. If you dare to look beyond that, you will find the vast number of nice women who want nice men.
Ya got to love those bad boys. If it wasn't for them, none of us would be in bars. lol. I give them a lot of credit. They know they are bad, bad for us, relationships, ect. The thng is this, we keep going back for more. So really its not thier fault. It takes two.
Anyone else remember that great Sienfeld episode where George is attracted to this hot blonde Elaine works with. In a fit of pique, Elaine tells her friend that George is nothing but trouble, and all of a sudden the woman decides he must be a bad boy and develops an insatiable lust for him.
When he realizes what is happening, George plays the bad boy to the hilt. In the end he's revealed to be the nerd he really is and, of course, she quickly dumps him. It was hilarious only because it was so true.
I slept around during my twenties and chose (and got chosen) by plenty of wild ones.
But when I decided to have kids, suddenly the more responsible, less wild side of me took over. I'm much happier in the long run with solid love, compassion, stability and shared responsibility. It sounds almost boring when I put it in words, but consistent love isn't boring at all. Settling down isn't settling for less.
I didn't know it in my twenties, but I'm sure glad I figured it out before I had kids.
I read a couple comments on here about "nice guys finish last so why be a nice guy?" Nice guys don't always finish last, just the ones that are TOO nice. I for one am with a "mostly nice" guy. He listens and is supportive and all those wonderful "nice guy" things. He is also confident, witty, determined and can be assertive when it's called for. He is wonderfully spontaneous at times and after knowing him for years he can still surprise me. He's not at my beck and call and I know he has a life of his own, he just choses to share with me. He is there when I need him though. He knows how to fight (those chooses not to), can fix cars, likes to drive fast and can flirt like a pro. He is not someone I would refer to as having tamed, which is exactly how many "too nice guys" are seen.
Bad boys seem to value themselves more where as the typical nice guy is willing to do what ever is asked of him regardless of how he appears. A nice guy who knows his own worth and appeal is far more alluring than a door mat and much more valued by woman.
Point is, be a nice guy if it's your nature, just don't be a push over.
A friend of mine wrote a somewhat reactionary paper on the "evolution of stupidity" in college about differential reproductive rates. Totally non-PC, of course.
This is the cultural version in emotional life. Women attracted to the irresponsible men have their babies. Divorce. Why would the good guys later want to bring up the bad boy's children, especially with that influence still in the picture? So we have single parent upbringing. The pattern is seen across all social and class constructs. The male children often lack a positive male role model and recapitulate the pattern. Female children are looking for males constructed from magazines, film, music, pop culture, unhealthy in a relationship as well. (Boys too, they are going to "save" the bad girl) Living with a healthy loving couple, their healthy friends and extended family where possible is how children learn about relationships. It's not happening.
The thrill of the the outlaw is not sustainable. Some will go from thrill to thrill. The trick is to get a thrill from adapting to life's challenge together.
So where's the study or poll asking how many average men how and when they've hooked up with the "bad girl"? The one time vacation fling, the youthful hook-up with a pornstar, or the liaison with that stripper.
Did Joe- (or Joey-) Average think the bad would become good, a possible future mother to his children? Was it more exciting than the good-girl relationships -- were you able to, as Dr. Vranich puts it, "leave in the morning ... not heartbroken, quite possibly relieved at not having to attend an excruciatingly boring work-barbeque or to contend with [the argument over] an upright toilet top" especially after she "rock[ed your] world for hours and hours in one evening"?
I'm a nice guy and I don't know how to be anything else. I'm too proud to be a parasite, too well brought up to be abusive, and I haven't met a woman important enough to lie to. But American women want bad boys, and this is why I don't date American women. I've met a lot of women from other cultures and countries who actually WANT to be treated decent. So let the bad boys use up all the American women they want to. In my mind they aren't worth all that effort because they seem to want guys who don't care about them.
Women are attracted to confidence and strength. You don't have to be abusive or foul mouthed to be a bad boy. You simply have to be cool, aloof and not need their attention. And you're dealing with SEX here, a basic animal component of your being. This may not be the one you want to bring home to mother, but you might want a few nights of fun.
Women have this desire to be desired and ravaged. The Bad Boy will grab what he wants and women like that. Women have hormonal moments of their own that allow these guys into their lives- some realistically and some dellusionally. There's a big difference between falling in 'lust' and falling in 'love'.
We're just being Bad Girl's ourselves when we get all dressed up and go out dancing for a 'girl's night out'. We know what we're doing. We're going fishing for a 'Bad Boy'. We put on extra war paint, tease the hair a little more, put on the red high heels, that one bra that pushes up with the top that is a little more revealing. We go out on Thursday's 'Ladie's Night' when the Cosmo's are 2 for 1 and dance provocatively. It works 9 times out of 10 :-)
Now what would we do without those boys? Girl's night out would become a thing of the past.
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Posted June 22, 2008 | 08:44 AM (EST)