How To Make An Inter-Faith Relationship Work

Wendy, 32, and Joe, 37, had been dating nearly a year before their divergent faiths first gave them pause. "So, what are they like?" Wendy, who was raised Christian, but now describes herself as "spiritual, verging on pagan," asked Joe, who is Jewish, over dinner one night. For weeks, the two had been planning to have dinner at the home of another couple that coming Friday--close family friends of Joe's--whom Wendy was excited to finally meet.

"Um," Joe hesitated. It was rare that he was at a loss for words, but now he looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"There's kind of been a change of plans."

"Oh, did something come up for them?" asked Wendy.

"Well," stammered Joe, "I told them about you. You know, that you weren't Jewish. And...well, they said it's Shabbat, the Sabbath, and they can't really have anyone who's not Jewish at the table," he trailed off.

The couple observed a moment of unintentional silence before Wendy spoke.

"This is like the 2007 version of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," she finally spluttered.

"I felt like I'd been sucker-punched," she recalls. "A million thoughts sprang to mind, but I didn't know what to say first. I felt scared. And sad. And indignant. And really angry, all at the same time."

Yet, statistics indicate this scene could play out over one in four dinner tables across the country. More than 28 million married or cohabitating Americans--almost one quarter--are interfaith, according to the 2001 American Religious Identification Survey.

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Comments

[functor]

inter-faith marriage happens only when, none of the partner is serious about their own religion.

[ReasonIsMyReligion]

Rule No. 1 (from someone living it):

No proselytizing of the grand-kids by the in-laws.

We celebrate Christmas AND Chanukah.

Get over it.

It's not inter-faith, it's ambi-faith.

P.S. Santa Clause is real. But god ain't.

[Paw1]

How to make an interfatih relationship work:

Love each other

Listen to your heart

[Theda]

Gee......are these people and their relatives living in 1950?
Too bad Joe-----at age 37-----is letting his family get away with that crap.

[Jonahson]

Religion is just a label. Take that away and everyone is basically the same human being made up of bones, sinew,blood and all that common stuff a human is made of.
If we are talking about interfaith marriage then it is a private agreement between two people. They have to work out their religious differences before they get hitched to each other.
Nationally, setting up interfaith groups is a good idea towards developing tolerance and understanding between people of different faith. It is unity in diversity.
If you want to hold a party for them, then you must be sensitive to their religious taboo. For example Hindus do not consume beef. Muslims do not eat pork or even meat which is not 'hallal' while lay Buddhist are part vegetarians and part meat eaters. Jews do not eat pork either.
There are two great rulers in the history of mankind who were the first to develop religion interfaith and tolerance.
One such person was Asoka the Great and the other Saladin the Great. From them we can learn much on how they can rule in peace at a time where men kill each others over religious differences.

[cinemaven]

We all have inter-faith relationships, with friends, co-workers and sometimes family so having respect and tolerance for everyone's right to their beliefs is just common sense. I'm the most spiritual person in my family but I'm the only one who doesn't go to church or practice a faith. I meditate and reflect on my blessings twice a day and I've raised my kids to believe that religion is an accident of birth and it's their choice which path they want to choose. I was raised that way and it was very freeing. My parents were catholic and presbyterian and I have catholic, united, baptist sisters. They all chose their faith after a lot of searching as did I.

I've attended so many different religious services (including a multitude of christian, eastern and fringe services) and found none that spoke to me. I live a life based on treating people well, volunteering to help my community and trying to be happy and help others to be happy... it works for me and I imagine that when my sons marry, I won't object to the faith of the person they marry :)

[Pacific231]

Sorry - source for story provided below - worth reading ! :
http://www.katinkahesselink.net/tibet/thich-religions.html

[Pacific231]

Part 3 - Continued from below:

"When I was in Korea a few years ago, I participated in the first dialogue between Buddhists and Christians, and I said that many young people have suffered due to being caught in that kind of situation. So I proposed that we should be able to allow Buddhists and Christians to marry each other, with the condition that the young man would learn and also practice the tradition of the young woman, and the young woman would also learn and practice the tradition of the young man. Instead of having one root, you have two roots. Why not? If you love mangoes, you are free to continue to eat mangoes, but no one forbids you to eat pineapples or oranges. Your favorite fruit is the mango, yes, but you don't betray your mango when you eat pineapple. I think it's too narrow-minded, even stupid, to enjoy only mango, when there are so many different fruits around in the world. Spiritual traditions are like spiritual fruits, and you have the right to enjoy them. It is possible to enjoy two traditions, to take the best of two traditions and live with that. If you like to eat Italian food, you can still enjoy French and Chinese cooking. You cannot say, "I have to be faithful to my Italian cooking", that's too funny."

[Pacific231]

Part 2 - Continued from below:

"But she did not sleep during that night, and the next morning she came very early, and she said, "Thay, a tradition that is so embracing, so tolerant, so open, if I abandon it and turn my back to it, I am not a person of value. A tradition that is so strict, that has no tolerance, that is not able to understand, how could I formally identify myself with it?" So she just refused to get married to that person. I thought that I would help her get married to that young man, but I caused the opposite to happen. Today, thirty five years later, she is here somewhere in this Sangha."

[Pacific231]

This article reminded me of this talk by Buddhist monk and author Thich Nhat Hanh. Would that everyone was as religiously and spiritually open-minded and tolerant as he:

"I would like to tell you a story. Thirty five years ago I had a student who fell in love with a young man who was Catholic, and the family of that young man required that the young lady abandon the practice of Buddhism in order to be baptized as a Catholic. That was the basic condition for the marriage, and she suffered very much. Her family was also opposed to that. She cried and cried, and one day she came to me. I said that Buddhism is not there to make you unhappy. Buddhism is not an obstacle, so I think in the name of the Buddha I can tell you that you can become a Catholic and marry him, but I would like to make a recommendation. You have received The Five Mindfulness Trainings; you should continue to look on them as the guidelines of your life. You don't have to be called a Buddhist; you only have to be a true Buddhist within yourself. Live accordingly and practice the Five Mindfulness Trainings, and that would make me happy enough. She was so joyful that she was allowed to marry the person she loved. [CONTINUED...]

[TheBlackCat]

Thich Nhat Hanh GREAT writer. I have read many of his books. Thanks for the quote

[Levittown]

Wendy looks like Jessica Alba. That aside I believe that a religion without tolerance is
a sham. When religion narrows your thinking and acceptance of other religions you have zealots and fanatics. People who truly believe in God or a Superior being need not have
temples or shrines to pray or assemble to show belief. How one lives their life and treats others is truly someone who honors his or her God without pious comments or disrespect for others.

[norkas]

Nice post Levittown and so true.Let me add for thousands of years we had religious wars and today religious leaders and teaches still refuse to tell the world we are all brothers sister regardless of color. How do you promote g-d and preach when in fact racism has been promoted by almost every religion because of there silence. If i married a women of another color i would never have the support of almost any religious teacher or leader . This problem has gone on since and before Moses who married a women of darker skin. Happily people are waking up and read many spritual books beyond what you get from religion today. Yes there is a slow change taking place and most religions will be left behind and blided by there leaders and teaches whom have not taught G-DS truth and allowe people of a differnt color to suffer so long. The goes for people of different faiths.

[TheBlackCat]

Great Post

[JohnFromCensornati]

Here's how to make it work.
Give up your superstitious worship of invisible guys.
If you have "friends" like Joe's, tell them to f*ck off.

[Theda]

I agree. Joe needs to grow some balls!

[TheBlackCat]

Agnosticism and athiesm are perfectly reasonable positions to have and to promote. However, when you do so in a manor that is just as arrogant and self righteous as say, a religious evangelist; when you demean religious people in the EXACT same matter that they would demean you or others of different faiths, you are extremely unlikely to get people to really respect your point of view. You just come off as intolerant and self satisfied as an abrasive religious person, but without the benefits of tradition, community, and comfort that religion offers.

So in effect, agnostics or athiests who exhibit a dispairaging attitude like the one you demonstrate exhibit the same flaws of religion itself, but none of the benefits.

[Theda]

I'm no atheist or agnostic, BlackCat.
I was married to a Jewish guy for 20 years. I was raised Catholic and am now into New Thought. I was shocked at Joe's whimpy and disrespectful attitude towards his girlfriend. And why should she be excluded from their friends' house, simply because she isn't Jewish. As I said.....are we living in 1950?

[JohnFromCensornati]

You assume benefits where there are none.

People crazy enough to believe that they should un-invite a dinner guest because of some ridiculous, intolerant religious "belief" are not reachable with rational points of view. I really don't care if they respect mine.

How far does your tolerance extend? To the Scientologists? FLDS? Moonies? VooDoo?