How Happy Is Your Home? 5 Tips On How To Win An Argument

Many of us will do anything to be right in an argument and like to win to the detriment of the other person, regardless of how they might feel. By having that mindset we lose big time, every time. My theory is that if when you are in a relationship, take the air out of as many stressful situations and disagreements as possible. Know which battles to fight and which to leave alone.

My husband Oli, slips in and out of a repetitive habit. He often says "Do you know what I mean?" at the end of a statement. Not only does it seem like he's always asking for validation and weakens whatever he's said, but it can also be quite annoying. Every time I mentioned this he got pissed with me, so I thought of a solution. I decided that because Oli loves movies I would ask him to name a different movie each time he said the forbidden phrase to help him stop. This made it fun, served to make him conscious of it and took the air out of what could have grown in to many arguments. With that in mind, here are 5 tips to help you win an argument.

TIP 1: You WIN if you 'Lose the Battle to Win the War'. Chose your battles with your partner. Don't pick them up on absolutely everything, you'll grind them down and crush the feelings they have for you as they will stop feeling free around you. If it's a really, really important battle to win or something really annoys you fine, but otherwise, with little things, just LET THEM GO! In the long term it will work to your benefit.

TIP 2: You WIN if you praise your partner for everything that they do that's great and pass up any opportunity to criticize them. If you think their hair looks great, say it. If they did something to please you, make sure that they know you noticed it, they'll want to keep doing great things for you, if they know you appreciate it.

TIP 3: You WIN if you say 'SORRY' when you've done something wrong and you say it quickly. Don't make everything in to a drama. Don't take hours to battle over the point and then say it. Remember, you're losing the battle to win the war. Don't waste precious time to love each other.

TIP 4: You WIN if you FORGIVE someone immediately when they say Sorry. Many people hold on to things for way too long, you must be able to move on quickly rather than let it get way out of proportion. Holding on to resentment can lead to physical illness!

TIP 5: You WIN if you're partner is upset with you, and you realize it is very likely for a good reason. You must listen to their reasons for not being happy with you.

As you can see my tips for 'winning' are about both winning, not making the other person feel less than or inadequate in any way. If you want your relationship to last try to come to agreements as quickly as possible, so that you can look back on your life together with very few regrets.

That's it for this week. If you like any of these tips pass the word round and you can e-mail me at [e-mail].

Comments

[dartagnan]

I decided early on that I could choose either to have a happy marriage or to win arguments. I chose to have a happy marriage and have been happily married for almost 39 years.

[dahpunkster]

never use sex as a weapon it blows up in your face everytime.

Some things just should never be said.Out of of love.(I tend to make cruel sarcastic little comments when I am mad)

[Democrab]

Roadhouse is a classic. But Ben Gazarra's brilliant performance stole the show in that film.

[letsgetsmart]

"Many of us will do anything to be right in an argument and like to win to the detriment of the other person, regardless of how they might feel" You can't be serious? Winning is everything?I don't like where your coming from with this article. Please don't try to justify why people value self image more then the person they are with. No wonder there are so many divorces. If this is how you feel in a relationship, why do you stay and why don't do put a little more effort into your next choice. Just being in a relationship doesn't validate that you are a normal or good person.

[OtayPanky]

Sophie Keller: My husband Oli, slips in and out of a repetitive habit. He often says "Do you know what I mean?" at the end of a statement. Not only does it seem like he's always asking for validation and weakens whatever he's said, but it can also be quite annoying. Every time I mentioned this he got pissed with me, so I thought of a solution. I decided that because Oli loves movies I would ask him to name a different movie each time he said the forbidden phrase to help him stop.

===

So let me see if I'm getting this.

Your husband does something that makes him seem weak in your mind. So you make it a forbidden act, replete with consequences - he'll seem stronger to you.

Sounds like a plan.

[cinemaven]

I think a few of those tips are a bit childish. Wars and battles? Lose to win? These tips seem to assume that there is supposed to be a war and battles.
I'm in a marriage with an adult. I respect and love him and he feels the same. If we have an argument, we follow a few simple rules. We treat each other as we'd like to be treated. We don't call each other names. If either of us starts raising their voice, the other points it out so we, as adults can bring it back to a conversation. We also never underestimate how important humor is in our life and many of our disagreements end in laughter.

Our home is nauseatingly happy. We've been married for 28 years and we're still laughing and loving.

[bayside]

I have been married a long long time to a wonderful man..Our secret .Treat your loved one like you want him to treat you... Works for us....

[AZAcct]

I grew up in a home with an emotionally unstable mother--I developed conflict resolution skills that serve me now in my professional and personal life.

The best way to "win" an argument is to allow the other person a way out. Too often, people approach others in attack mode or with ONLY a black/white resolution

If you approach the person with "maybe I'm wrong" or "maybe I wasn't clear" ....it SEEMS as if you're accepting defeat, HOWEVER, you'll have the other person tell you that you're right by the end of the conversation.

REAL EXAMPLE: A person at work screws up

DON'T go and confront them demanding an explanation or apology.

DO say: "John, do you have a sec? Maybe I didn't explain how to process credits well--I know we were a little rushed and you have a lot on your plate right now. However, I just got an email from my boss indicating the credits weren't correct this month and just wanted to review how they're processed with you so that next month everything works out correctly."

In the example there is NO attack and NO direct blame placed on John. It also allows John to save face, and do it correctly next time. You win because there is no fight, John will respect you for not being a jerk and he will do it right the next time

mindtowebgirl.typepad.com

[InstantDogma]

People freak out when they are afraid. Take the fear out of it, by being an ally not an adversary.
It's hard to do. I have found if I apologize first, the steam goes out of the fight. And no issue is worth any level of emotional attrition. If it is, then get out of the relationship.
Pax, Steve

[DarrowFan]

Tip #6: Don't use passive-aggression to make your point. Forbidden: the silent treatment to get attention instead of just saying what's bugging you; getting in little insult-digs because you lack the courage to say what's really bugging you; trying to make them jealous because they made you jealous, but you're too afraid to tell them that's bugging you; withholding being nice or doing favors or giving compliments because you're afraid to say what's really bugging you (e.g., s/he may look fabulous as s/he's headed out the door, but you refuse to tell him/her because you want to "pay him/her back" for something else you're mad at, or...you're just in "mad" mode and don't think it's okay to be "nice right now" because then s/he won't know you're angry, when all you have to do is tell them what's bugging you, have that discussion and then move on to tell them they look great/do that favor/be nice).

Passive-aggression is the WORST thing that can happen to a relationship. Period. I would put it at the top of this list.

[XiMan]

AMEN!

[swift_goat_pet_for_truth]

I know the magic words.

They are, "Yes, dear"

[Blueneck]

I think comedian Ralphie May summed it up best. "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be 'happy'?"

[wayoutleft]

with women- jennifer aniston being an excellent example- if you're not arguing to lose, you're not playing the game. you can only engage their finest qualities by losing and asking for merciful understanding. the best timing for the strategic collapse is when they're nearing emotional frustration.
strategy 4 above is about right. except the idea is to cave in to your overpowering love for her and elicit her forgiveness. forgiveness from you is insignificant to her.

[peterg76]

Some (not all) people argue because they like arguing - the last thing they want is for either side to "win" and end the argument.

[Vurz]

I like to follow the rule "If I wouldn't argue with a friend about it, why would I argue with my partner?" rule.

Saves a lot of stress.