Don't Ask, Don't Tell: Telling My Story to Congress

Last year, one of the first times I told my story was here on Huffington Post and I was overwhelmed by the positive and supportive response.

I've found the same is true as I've traveled around the country talking about the need to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Today, I was honored to testify today at a the first hearing to discuss the repeal of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. I'd like to share the story I told the House Armed Services Committee.

My middle name is "Fidelis" so you can probably guess I grew up in a military family. My father served in Vietnam, my grandfather in World War II. I guess you could say that service was in my blood.

I inherited that middle name from my father and grandfather. As you know, the

Marine credo, Semper Fi, is short for Semper Fidelis -- "always faithful." Loyalty is literally my middle name. So I guess you could say that serving my country was my calling.

I joined the military because I wanted to serve; I joined the Marines because I wanted a challenge. I was 19 years old. I was patriotic, idealistic; I was also gay.

For 13 years I served in the Marine Corps. I served in Somalia during Operation Restore Hope. I loved the discipline and the camaraderie, what I hated was concealing part of who I am.

My military service came to an end on March 21, 2003. It was the first day of the ground war in Iraq; mine was one of the first battalions in. Three hours into the invasion, we had stopped to wait for orders. I went back to the Humvee to retrieve something -- to this day I can't remember what - and, as I crossed that dusty patch of desert for the third time that day, I triggered a landmine.

I was thrown through the air, landing 10 or 15 feet away. The pain was unimaginable. My fellow marines were rushing to my aid, cutting away my uniform to assess the damage and treat my wounds. I remember wondering why they weren't removing my right boot -- it wasn't until later that I realized it was because that leg was already gone.

Another landmine detonated, though I couldn't hear it because the first had temporarily deafened me; it wasn't until later that I learned it had taken the leg of my friend and fellow Texan Brian Alaniz, then a medical corpsman in the Navy, as he tried to help me.

When I awoke, groggily, in a hospital tent outside Kuwait City my right leg was gone, my left leg was broken, and my right arm permanently damaged. I also had the dubious honor of being the first American injured in the war. I received the Purple Heart, along with visits from the President and First Lady. I was told I was a hero.

That landmine may have put an end to my military career that day, but it didn't put an end to my secret. That would come years later, when I realized that I had fought and nearly died to secure rights for others that I myself was not free to enjoy. I had proudly served a country that was not proud of me. More importantly, my experience disproved all the arguments against open service by gays and lesbians -- I knew I had to share my story.

Even under the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, I was out to a lot of my fellow Marines. The typical reaction from my straight, often married friends was "so what?" I was the same person, I did my job well, and that's all they cared about. Today I'm godfather to three of those men's children.

Normally, I was cautious about whom I divulged my secret to -- I felt I had to be. Then one evening, out with some guys from our unit, I let my guard down. One of the guys commented on some women in the bar; when my response was less than enthusiastic he asked me, jokingly, if I was gay. "As a matter of fact, I am," I responded. He swore to keep my secret, but I suppose he thought it was just too good a piece of gossip to pass up. He was wrong. No one he told cared. The response from everyone was the same as it had been from the friends in whom I'd confided: "so what?" I was still Eric, still one of them, still a Marine; I was still trusted.

That was a very powerful thing for me, that I still had their trust, because the supporters of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" are right about one thing - unit cohesion is essential. What my experience proves is that they're wrong about how to achieve it. My being gay, and even many of my colleagues knowing about it, didn't damage unit cohesion. They still put their lives in my hands, and when I was injured they risked those lives to save mine.

My experience gives me confidence in our military men and women. I am confident that, just as they are capable of immense professionalism and dedication to duty -- putting their lives on the line every day - our soldiers are equally capable of putting aside personal bias and standing shoulder to shoulder with gay, lesbian and bisexual service members. They are there to fulfill a mission, just as my unit and I were. They will do their duty.

As a former Marine and patriotic American, I am deeply disturbed that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is discouraging young patriots from joining the Military at a time when our country needs their service. I am horrified that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" forces trained and ready troops to choose between serving their country and living openly -- a choice I myself would have been faced with, had a landmine not made it for me. I am appalled at the involuntary separation of thousands of skilled service members during a time of war -- threatening our country's military readiness for no good reason. I am also thankful for the acceptance of my unit members, whose support protected me from a similar fate.

My experiences serving in the military demonstrate that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is a solution looking for a problem. Since leaving the military, the opportunities I've had to speak with Americans across the country, both gay and straight, have showed time and again that the American people support open service by gay, lesbian and bisexual troops.

Looking back on my years in the military, I am proud. I'm proud, not only of my service and my sacrifice, but of the way my unit members accepted me. I'm proud, not only of how American culture is becoming more accepting, but of how the American military is evolving, too. Now is the time to revisit this ill-considered law. It is costing us far too much, and purchasing us nothing in return.

Those who support "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" claim that they do so in the interest of unit cohesion. Well, as a former Marine, I can tell you what it takes to build unit cohesion: trust. It takes trust in your fellow unit members to have your back and do their job. And I can also tell you that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" does nothing but undercut that trust, and with it our nation's security. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" imposes secrecy and undermines unit cohesion, ousting gays and lesbians at the expense of the military readiness of the United States. Allowing gay, lesbian and bisexual service members to serve openly will only improve unit cohesion and in turn our military.

I strongly urged the members of the subcommittee to rethink this failed policy and I will continue to work to change it.

Comments

[soylentgreenleftovers]

Nice work, compadre, thanks for your service! And a helluva well-written piece to boot....straight from the heart...way to represent SWISD!

[08politicaljunkie]

I agree with all the others who commend you on your military career. It is indeed honourable. And I am indebted to you all other military personnel for my sense of freedom and safety.

However, I disagree with the thesis of your essay of stating "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" undermines "trust" and "unit cohesion" -- unless I'm not reading this accurately. For one, you will never know how anyone in your unit would have felt about you if they had known. You did not "come out" until years later, years after your military career ended.

Although I'm against prejudices of any kind, in reality, many people have them. Even though your comrades still have your back, they have it despite your sexuality -- which is a wonderful thing. They have it because you had theirs when it mattered most. In my opinion, this is an argument on behalf of DADT. Your comrades did not have a choice in the matter regarding your sexuality. They didn't know about you.

[bobapsu]

OK, I don't have time to read all the postings, but I rarely hear anyone mention a very important fact about DADT. The military retirement system is all or nothing. 20 yrs and you get 50% basic pay plus benefits for life. 19yrs, 355days and you get zip, nada, nothing. Many military people have been tossed out at 18 or 19+ yrs of service without so much as a handshake to show for their dutiful service, putting their lives on the line, or possible injuries. And, oh btw, very few if any of these folks outted themselves at that point in their careers, they are outed by others. What a great thank you for serving one's country.

Its about as good as during the 1990 Gulf War when the military was throwing people out of the military (due to the big drawdown) and told people who were being tossed to disregard and go fight in Iraq, and then oh by the way, threw them out right after they got back , assuming they weren't dead of course. But this is a topic for another day I guess. ;-)

[bobapsu]

OK, I don't have time to read all the postings, but I rarely hear anyone mention a very important fact about DADT. The military retirement system is all or nothing. 20 yrs and you get 50% basic pay plus benefits for life. 19yrs, 355days and you get zip, nada, nothing. Many military people have been tossed out at 18 or 19+ yrs of service without so much as a handshake to show for their dutiful service, putting their lives on the line, or possible injuries. And, oh btw, very few if any of these folks outted themselves at that point in their careers, they are outed by others. What a great thank you for serving one's country.

Its about as good as during the 1990 Gulf War when the military was throwing people out of the military (due to the big drawdown) and told people who were being tossed to disregard and go fight in Iraq, and then oh by the way, threw them out right after they got back , assuming they weren't dead of course. But this is a topic for another day I guess. ;-)

[the4given]

I am an active duty, 19 year veteran of the US Navy and I fully support the DADT policy. It does not prohibit gays from serving, it does prevent them from openly displaying their sexuality. It is no different than banning a racist from displaying anti-minority propeganda or a christian from trying to evangelise his shipmates or thumping his bible in everyones face. I have known and served with many gay men and women and this has never been an issue with me. I have witnessed one instance of homosexual harassment in my time in the Navy (it was way back in the late 90's when the first draft of the policy was Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Persue) and it was taken care of swiftly and justly. This kinda portrays to me that the system is not broken, it just became a convenient topic of the day.

[midknightryder13]

So then you would be IN FAVOR of also prohibiting heterosexual harassment? (Which is ALSO against the regs in the UCMJ.)
Because what you are talking about is SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Whether it is heterosexual or homosexual it is and should continue to remain against the rules.
However, I'd be willing to bet that you openly display your HETEROSEXUALITY every single day. Do not confuse that with sexual harassment. The two ARE NOT the same.

Or to put it another way -- suppose you could not talk about or even acknowledge the existance of that 'special lady' you met last month on leave to your fellow shipmates? Let alone your wife. THAT'S what DADT does.

Further, please explain to me how a gay man putting up a picture of his boyfriend is somehow equivalent to 'displaying anti-heterosexual propaganda'? (To make a corollary to your first point.)
Again, you are talking about HARASSMENT.

Eliminating DADT would in no way make harassment legal, so again I ask you to clarify why you support this policy.

[MrsGreebers]

Please define "openly displaying their sexuality." Because I think what Mr. Alva is talking about is simply not having to keep one's gayness a secret. I understand there are rules about actual sexual conduct in the military and I just bet that harassment of male service members is treated WAY more seriously than the "friendly" rape of female service members. Also, gay service members are always at risk of their sexuality being accidentally discovered even when they themselves didn't tell.

You comparison to Bible-thumping is interesting as we keep hearing that the Air Force has essentially become the military branch of the religious right, much like the Justice Department and all its Liberty University-"trained" lawyers. But simply being nonsecretivey gay is not the same as bible-thumping -- which would be religious harassment with the aim of converting someone. Gays don't go around trying to covert people because a) they don't care what sexuality you are and b) they realize that wherever you are on the sexuality spectrum, you are born that way.

Your comparison of being nonsecretively gay with racism is beneath notice.

[ramal]

You equate simply being Gay as being the equivalent of overtly showing racist tendencies or prosleytizing for a religion (neither of which is grounds for dismissal from the armed services). I assume that you are hetrosexual and have never hid the fact in your 19 years of service. If questioned about the fact you would most certainly answer honestly that you were indeed straight. Why is it that a Gay serivice man or woman should not have the same rights as you? How is this fair in a supposedly open and democratic government in the 21st Century? If you were openly cavorting in an inappropriate manner with naval personnel of the opposite sex while on duty you should most certainly be held responsible for your actions and suffer the consequences. No Gay man or woman in their right mind would expect such behavior to be tolerated from them either.

[customgreen]

Your are a proud Marine and obviously served to the highest standards that can be excepted by anyone regardless of their personal beliefs. You are to be honored and saluted for your patriotism, sacrifice, duty, and honesty. I don't like the fact that gay and lesbians are regected by the military, but at the same time I understand that there are those out there that are very uncomfortable with openly gay and lesbian soldiers. I don't agree with those who reject the gay lifestyle, but I can undestand that some people do reject it and you will not change their minds. How can that be fixed? Force those that don't belive in your lifestyle out of the military? Should racists be rejected from the military/ In my mind yes, and in my mind reject those who don't agree with the gay lifestyle. However if we do that are we not denying the military of some potentialy patriotic, and honest soldiers? Do they ask questions regarding race when you join the military? Should they be asking questions regarding sexual lifestyle? I don't know. It is a very hard thing to understand or work with. If everyone could just be grown up things would be so much easier.

[MrsGreebers]

Here's how it can be fixed: require people to man up and DO THEIR JOBS regardless of the non-job-related personal characteristics of their colleagues. Period.

[ramal]

We can blame President Bill Clinton that this travesty still exists. He went back on a direct campaign promise in 1992 to repeal the ban on Gay's in the armed services. Instead of acting like a Commander-in-Chief Clinton caved to Pentagon and Congressional bureaucrats thus setting the stage for his future impeachment problems late in his second administration. If he (Clinton) had done the right thing with a stroke of a pen in 1993, just as Harry Truman had done forty years earlier,it would have probably shown all of his many critics that he had balls and was not one to be trifled with. Sadly for him and the country, he didn't.

[midknightryder13]

Actually, it wouldn't have made a difference.
This was a compromise (albeit not a great one), but the alternative was much worse.
HAD Clinton eliminated the restriction 'with a stroke of a pen', CONGRESS would have made DADT much tougher than this nonsense we have now. (The anti-gay hysteria back then was nigh unbelievable. Only CNN was in existance back then -- one can only imagine what it would have been like in the CURRENT 24/7 news market.)
DADT is a LAW -- that's why CONGRESS has to repeal it and the President has to sign it.
The previous restriction had been put in place by the Executive branch -- not the same type of statute.

[laminator]

Sir (I'm sorry, I am not sure of your rank):

As a gay man who would have loved to be a Marine, I thank you.

As an American, I salute you.

I would like some talking head to ask our President how he feels now, knowing the first soldier in Iraq whose devastating injury he was ultimately responsible for is gay.

Nah. Waste of time. The guy just wouldn't understand the implications.

My entire family thanks you for the courage you have shown your entire life.

[Bruce from Ontario]

Has anyone bothered to investigate how the Canadian armed forces deal with their gay and lesbian members? It has been a number of years since openly gay people were allowed to serve in the military but I have yet to hear if there have been problems in communal showers or on the battlefield.

[MrsGreebers]

Why would there be? Other than harassment of the gay people by straight people?

[SwampeastMike]

Dearest Eric,

Thank you. I too was honorably discharged for "homosexual admission" slightly before "don't ask, don't tell".

My fellow Marines--including the one who interviewed me regarding the matter as well as the never-before-seen batallion commander (I was stationed at HQMC) knew in their hearts that I was a true Marine who would automatically endanger my life to protect theirs. Is there any better measure of unit cohesion?

Former (disgraced but meritoriously promoted) USMC Corporal,

Michael W. Thies
Swampeast Missouri

[MarkInEugene]

Eric " the very best to you!

[gallery]

Eric,
Your wrong about your country not being proud of you.
We are.
Your experience has rocked me to the core.
I am overwhelmed with pride at your courage.
Semper Fi brother.

[jcutbirth]

Mr. Alva.

Thank you so much for the military service you have done for our country, and thank you for speaking out to help make our country and institutions such as our military better - something that all of us benefit from.

[1LTUSMC]

Eric, I am very proud of you both for having served and sacrificed for the rest of us and for doing so when you personally were not being treated equal. Your story is a testament to your personal courage.

There are members of my extended family who are bigots in every sense of the word. So when I returned from war with a healthy contempt for racism, sexism, and all the other anti human "isms," I was ostracized by some of those family members. I just emailed your article to several of them, and I am pleased to report a definite attitude change. Not a complete turnaround, mind you, but a greater degree of understanding.

You seem to be a person who can adapt to what life throws at you, so I wish you nothing but the best in your future.

Semper Fi

[TechWolf1859]

Wonderful and amazing story Eric. I hope your words convince those in congress to repeal this ignorant and discriminating law. Unfortunately I fear Bush will have his veto pen in hand if this hits his desk before 1-20-09.
By the way, maybe we should start reminding people that two of our biggest allies in the world(seemingly the only ones), Great Britain and Israel, allows gays and lesbians to serve openly.