Q: The video of a girl being beaten up by six other girls is very upsetting to me. I have a 16-year-old daughter and I live constantly with the fear of anorexia, drugs, pregnancy, reckless driving, idiotic boyfriends --and dozens of other horrible possibilities that, with a moment's reflection, reduce me to intense anxiety. I try to stay vigilant about her activities while simultaneously trying to keep open our lines of communication. I try to respect her, to be aware of her self-esteem, and to give her the freedom to be exactly who she is. What does a parent do? How does a parent understand and deal with all the psychological issues that affect a kid nowadays? I bet the parents of those girls didn't have a hint about what they were up to. That's what scares me. They could have been you or me.
Are the parents doing the "right thing" now? Some of them are standing by their kids, denying what seems obvious on the video tape. They say they are waiting for the true story to emerge. Are they doing the right thing? After all, shouldn't parents always stand by their children -no matter what? I am reminded of accusations against members of the Duke University lacrosse team. The prosecutor said he had a hard case of rape. But the boys were innocent, virtually framed. What if those parents hadn't stayed true to the belief that their kids were good kids? Isn't it possible that if parents don't think their kids are innocent, the kids then will never forgive them and, maybe, respond by becoming bad? Isn't this a self-fulfilling prophecy?
A: I agree with you. I am very upset by this video as well and as a psychologist, I'd like very much to offer a psychological explanation for what I've seen on the TV screen. That would not only make things easy for me, but it should make things comforting for you. I'd find something to explain this abhorrent behavior and it would not apply to you, your household or your daughter. That way, bad things won't happen to her and she won't do anything bad herself.
Sorry. I cannot find a general underlying psychological explanation. Each child, each family unit, and each neighborhood are unique. Together all of these factors combine in unique ways to the general environment - and all that, taken together, is what influences our children. One parent's response to a child may be correct while another parent, responding the same way, is going to be making a mistake. So it's probably a bit unsatisfying for me to say "Be Alert!" Be open to all possibilities! Be painfully honest with yourself about your child and be even more painfully honest about who you are and what that might mean to your child. Still, unsatisfying or not, that's what I have to do.
Before trying to examine your own parenting, you have to recognize that you simply cannot control your child's environment. For many years, research has focused on the possible effects TV or movie violence has on young minds. Most of the research concludes that there is an effect -and not, as you may have guessed, a good one. Maybe the violent girls -and their alleged male collaborators - were affected by what they saw on television. Maybe, too, they decided to post their exploits on the internet because they had learned -mislearned, is more like it -that there is no such thing as bad publicity. The current infatuation with celebrity, particularly acute among the young, teaches that fame -no matter what for - is the ultimate reward. Well, these girls are -for the moment--famous.
Another possibility strikes me -but it is one that I know of no research to back up. I'll plunge ahead anyway. It's possible these girls distanced themselves from what they allegedly did by posting it on the internet. That made it a virtual attack, not a real one. And they were, they said, responding to what their victim had previously said about them on the internet. This has been the stuff of teenage tiffs since time immemorial -but it has been transported, if that's the right word, to cyberspace. Blurring virtual life with real life -What's real? What's virtual? -- has to be approaching danger.
Young people of today are different from young people of the past in many ways -their toys, for instance (cell phones, etc.) but also in their status. Young people are consumers and in America the consumer is king. Years ago, kids had no money and so no one cared what they thought. Now because they have disposable income and are peculiarly susceptible to fads, society pretends to admire them. Being young is wonderful. Being young is wise. Being young is hip and slim and all the things society admires. Being young, really, means getting your pocket picked.
All this reinforces a young person's sense of personal power and the belief -the immature conviction --that whatever they do is right..
So, perhaps one of the first things to do is to go back to parenting your child. This society has tended to focus too much on the cult of youth and allows kids too much freedom. You are not their friend. That's the reality. You are the one with the power. That, too, is the reality. A parent deserves the respect of position, age and experience. You are their guide through the realities of life. You are the one to make the determination of what their limits are. Respecting your child doesn't mean letting them determine totally what their path is. Respecting your child means loving them for whomever they are, while giving them the tools to function well in the world we live in. You are the one at the moment who knows better.
After having taken into account the influences from the outside, only then can we try to understand what goes on in our unique family unit. Yes, you need to support your child, so that he/she knows they are a part of a secure family unit. But you also don't want to idealize or be blind to issues your child has. By being aware of who they are, you can give them the love they need to find the tools to function well and successfully. Reality means facing some harsh truths, including for instance their inability to make friends easily...or their inability to control their frustrations...or their distress at their inability to compete scholastically or athletically ... or anything else that can bring them pain and make them seek an escape of some kind.
And of course don't forget your own issues. Many parents analyze their children's needs through the filter of their own childhood. Be careful that you are not over protecting your child because as a child you felt overly exposed to the world. Or don't defend your child's every action because you felt that you were not fully supported by your parents. Your child's life is his or her own. Their experience is not your experience. The world has changed. Move on with it.
So, do we need to psychologically understand these girls that allegedly beat up another girl? I don't think so. The proper place for psychology is way before these actions took place. Maybe they need treatment. But certainly they deserve punishment.
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The worst thing about this video is that students watched it, laughed and did not pull that *** off of the teacher, slam him to the floor and hold him down until authorities got there.
Growing up in the Baltimore suburbs I understand exactly how that happened. One of the kids will get sent to a alternative school, where they will learn how to be a better criminal. The rest will get detention or a stern talking to and walk out. And then you hear Sheila Dixon's comment and Grasmick's comments, and you understand why. Grasmick (the state superintendent) wants character education and parental responsibility, and Dixon (the mayor) wants you to know that the situation is out of hand and that the city of Baltimore is working hard at fixing the problem (just not tangibly, I guess).
The Baltimore City Public School System is a complete joke. Nothing that they ever do is ever going to fix it. They spend more per student than 95% of public school systems in the country, and yet they have the worst results. Grasmick needs to go. She has been rewriting the definition of education to mean standardized tests for far too long. We took our first standardized test in 1st grade! First Grade! And she still wants more...
She has done too much already.
Wow, I cannot believe that clip with the child beating the teacher and the other students standing around not helping... Are you kidding me? This is not acceptable.The caption says that the school will conduct an investigation?! What investigation, the proof is in the video, duh... I don't know what is going on in this world. I am a young adult, and since my days in high school, horrible things are happening in schools now that we never thought of: girls beating each other senseless on camera, with a live audience, children beating teachers? I may not have been a role model high school student, but I never would have allowed any classmates of mine beat a teacher, let alone watch it happen, cheer them on!! That poor teacher should sue the shit out of his district. As I watch the video I can't help but notice that there is an awful lot of commotion going on, which had to have gained some attention from other classrooms or the hallway, but see no one coming to his aid. Going to work to feed your family should not be dangerous in this way. These children, witnesses too, should all be expelled and forced to get their education somewhere where this kind of behavior can be closely monitored, like jail.
I am remembering now, Bill Maher, your rant about the Catholic Church at the end of your show, and I agree with it. It was extreme, it was shocking, but not wrong.
I agree that 'certainly they deserve punishment'.
I don't know where to put my outrage at TV commentators who say about the attackers, glibly, 'they won't do time'. And, especially, Bill Maher, who said on Friday night that the video of the girls beating up on one other girl 'is fun', and that this is equivalent to 'a schoolyard fight, in which a fight starts and everyone pulls the kids apart'.
Maher may be reflective of a certain part of our society, but I wouldn't know how to characterize it. I don't know people who say things like this. Or like other things Maher has said on his show, such as when a Congressman was caught sending sexual emails to several of his Congressional pages, age around 16. Maher blamed the boy-victims, saying 'they were 16!' 'They participated in this!', as if that would let the perpetrator/pederast off the hook. It has been my surprised experience that sexual predators don't have any clue what damage they do, and they never learn.
Maher also said that he hated seeing women breast-feed their babies in public and this should never be allowed.
Maher grew up in the Catholic church and has been caught in an extreme reaction to that training. Extreme reactions don't lead necessarily to sanity, but often include the twisted thinking of the original teachings. (Was Maher sexually molested by a priest? He hasn't come out with it, if so.)
-- (See above, or below, for my previous comment.) By which I am referring to old age, not the current thinking (on tv) in which I hear that these bullies should be let off for being teenagers.
On the other hand, no one underage should EVER be 'tried as an adult'. Underage kids are not adults; their brains are not finished being formed and in all states (I presume) they have different laws or consequences. They should be tried, and in this case I think convicted, but no one under 21 should be 'tried as an adult'; that is an oxymoron and prosecutors who want to get ahead on the backs of the outrage of the populace should not be allowed to get away with it.
Why is everyone so shocked? These girls are just doing what all Americans do so well - being wretched bullies. The American rules of engagement are simple: first, never get involved in a fight unless you are bigger and stronger than your opponent, or outnumber him, and second brag about your bullying on the media. These girls have learned well from George W. Bush and his merry men. Perhaps he'll have them up to the White House to present them with the Medal of Honour.
glad the judge in this case has a brain.
Hope they all get time.
The kid ought not see the light of day until he is 30.
Holy Crap Batman. Somebody reasonable!
I avoided this story - didn't know what it was about.
I avoid MSM.
What a reasoned, well thought out discussion. No simplistic Dr Phil kind of crap - thank you.
I only become aware of this last night when I saw Bill Maher (sp?) show the clip because he thinks it's funny.
I used to think he was funny, but that was so long ago that I'm not sure if I spelled his name correctly, and I'm not sure I care.
People--do we really know the difference (not counting the act of violence) btwn a GANG and a GROUP?
In the White suburbs, if a "GROUP" hates one (jealous, too sexy etc) the authorities approach is 'well, you must figure out why "they" dislike you)---ah, but, if in the White suburbs the Group had same but were PEOPLE OF COLOR ag one WHITE person,then, it wd be called a GANG. What's the difference?----SKIN COLOR.
if these cheerleaders were of legal age-I bet they'd of sued the"victim".
Yes, media depiction of violence is not the ONLY factor involved. There is parenting, schools, etc. I do think that children not being given enough guidance, supervision and discipline is the biggest fundamental problem; there WILL be problems when kids grow up in the "great American latchkey experiment", hardly seeing their multiple-job-working-parents and shuffling in and out of schools whose teaching methodologies amount to little more than warehousing. Did we as a society not learn anything from "Lord Of The Flies"?
BUT, all of that is another discussion. You will NEVER convince me that a constant onslaught of violence in the media 24-7 does not have an actual, serious, harmful effect on children as they are growing up in today's world.
We have lived in an American culture for almost 30 years now that considers sick slasher movies like Saw and Hostel (only the latest and sickest versions of torture porn that started with Nightmare on Elm Street in the early 80's) boffo entertainment; that pumps out idiotic movies and TV shows like Jackass that celebrate acts of mindless stupidity; with youth-targeted music that at least subconsciously advocates minimization of and violence against women; with the ascendance of horrifically dumb institutions like "professional wrestling" whose only message is that the only way for someone to relate to others is to yell and scream and spit at others and slam them to the floor; with the recent rise of such sick "entertainment" as extreme and ultimate fighting in which eventually someone will be killed on live television (if it hasn't happened already).
And we live in a country that within the last 5 years has apparently decided that torture is OK.
And we wonder why our youth are so violent.
Rice, Cheney. Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, and Powell did exactly the same thing, with full approval from Bush. This morality--beat people until they do what you want--comes from the top down. This is what the current administration has taught your children.
Throw those girls into a prison cell with Berthe and Beulah
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So how did this happen? So we don't teach civics in schools anymore, big deal. Kids don't work...even if they might be employed at the Gap. But really, is that work? We don't dare distract our little consumers with anything as boring as history or grammar. Besides, how can you study history and understand our context in the world when you're already busy text messaging and taking pictures of your friends with, naturally enough, your phone. Or maybe you can't sit still because of the shaking from your third Diet Pepsi (the school vending machine was out of Red Bull).
This generation of spenders and mirror-watchers is swimming in a pop culture of celebrity and human Habitrails (malls). They are barely connected to reality....not reality t.v....they've got plenty of that...but the real stuff. How boring. How unprofitable.
This posting is sexist in the extreme!
The underlying premise is that girls and women are made of sugar and spice and that they are not capable of being evil like men.
Please get over yourselves. History has infinitely shown that all persons, races, and sexes are equally capable of doing great good or great evil. Please do not make me post the ugly examples.
'History has infinitely shown that all persons, races, and sexes are equally capable of doing great good or great evil.'
And ages. You left out ages.
What scares me is the fact that those children feel remorse in what they done.
One of the attackers parent thought the victim got what she deserved.
Has our Society become accustom to violence as the normal response when one person
has a disagreement with another. What is even more disturbing is - that they continued to
beat up the girl after they knocked her previously unconscience. They held that poor girl
captive against her will and just continued to pound her. DISTURBING!
Well, well, well, look at all you racists pointing fingers! Before you go sending fine, young black children off to prison, or the electric chair, or to the nearest lynch mob, maybe you ought to think about where they learned to behave like this, hmmmm? Day after day, year after year in the US of Amerikkka. They're delivering a beat down BECAUSE they have been beat down, by racist pigs like everyone of you here. You sanctimonious creeps make me sick. I call this CHICKENS COMING HOME TO ROOST.
Get used to it, Honkey Cat.
Actually, this behavior began to appear in white children after busing was implemented. White school children had learn violence to defend themselves against the more violent black students who were bused into their districts. Now the black gang mentality has infused the entire public school system in America. Just sayin'
These videos should be seen by every person who has ever posted a comment calling for a ban on guns. OPEN your eyes: This nation is not coming apart because of guns. It is coming apart because we lack moral focus. Not religion. Not Puritanism. Not piety. Simple moral restraint and honor. People are making loads of money and buying more and more crap with it, and it doesn't matter what they SAY to their kids. Their behavior, their buying and spending and looking down on people who are not well off, this speaks volumes and it conveys to kids that it is OK to be mean. That's right, America. You are doing this to yourself with your nasty greed and acquisitiveness, and your lack of compassion. Guns are not the problem. YOU are the problem. Look inside yourself, and look at your kids, and CHANGE, if you want to live in a better, safer place.
If those girls had had guns that girl would be dead. Guns are no answer for anything.
Yyyyup!
"Every child...are unique"....Is our children learning? Apparently not.
Teens who video themselves committing serious offenses, with plans to post the images no less, obviously aren't categorizing what they're doing as crime, with major consequences. I doubt any of the aggressors or lookouts thought, "Here's my opportunity to be a convicted felon." Getting the word out that, "Beating someone up is a crime that will derail your life, not a prank that will get you grounded," will help. All the publicity over this story should make that connection in many minds, especially if there are significant consequences.
I'd sue every one of those little fu**ers and their parents. America, these are your kids, my kids. Is this what our society has come to?
As a deterrent, 10 years in prison for each of these girls with no parole until the full time is served. One year for each boy who kept "lookout." These were vicious beatings that the girls thought funny and there will be many copycats unless there are consequences.
One year for the boys???
Sorry, I think everyone involved should get a major sentence in adult prison, with the possible exception of the 14-year-old (where youth, inexperience, and peer-pressure from an older crowd might be significant mitigating circumstances).
Like it or not, if you participate in a crime, no matter how marginally, you are guilty of the whole crime. It is well established that if you sit outside in the getaway car, and someone gets murdered during the bank robbery, you're up for Murder1, even though you didn't pull the trigger, and weren't able to stop the guy who did.
In this case, all the girls and guys involved had a chance to stop the crime, and were involved in the planning and execution of the crime. Sorry, the "My daughter didn't actually hit anyone" doesn't wash. Period. No Way. She's just as guilty as the ones who did the hitting, and they all should be punished accordingly. In the Adult justice system, since these are not kiddie crimes, the offenses are among the most serious ones that exist, short of murder (and they came very close to that!).
Hutchinson defended the black teens...poor ignorant hoodlums...the fact is the African American community has a bad habit of solving issues through violence which results in high prison rates and a lack of taking responsibility for their actions...but these girls who committed the group violence are nothing but scum and their parents should be punished as well..
Wow, nice racist post bryand1. So in your words, these girls are scum, like the african americans.
If you knew anything, you'd know that the high prison rates are due to our other criminal war, the war on drugs.
This country needs to do a better job informing their citizens. Who knows, it may help curb racism like that shown by bryand1.
"This country needs to do a better job informing their citizens. Who knows, it may help curb racism like that shown by bryand1."
Don't hold your breath.
Racism exists around the globe. And don't wait for this country to do a better job of informing citizens about it. Take the initiative yourself. If you do a little reading, you'll find that racism is in every country, even in countries with informed citizens.
It's the human condition. Racism will exist until humans evolve to the point that they see that we're all of the same race - the human race.
But go ahead and cry racism if it'll help you to sleep at night. It always works...even when it doesn't exist.
You act and sound as if racism is something to be proud of. Don't
treat it as normal just because you can't control yours.
Get over your racist self! No one is defending any of this vile behavior.
You know nothing of the American prison system. If it were ever fair, half the people in it wouldn't even be there.
Go take a real look at the penal and judicial system and you'd be disgusted.
Are you kidding me? The other kids are accessories. This student, like so many others, are scum, criminals...it's no wonder they come to this when their families solve issues with violence. This is why the jails are so full in America...these young girls are no different than the young thugs raging in our inner cities...ignorance and stupidity lead to violence.
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Posted April 10, 2008 | 07:25 AM (EST)