Mitt Romney's Top Ten List For Dropping Out: "There Weren't As Many Osmonds As I Thought"

Mitt Romney made a surprise cameo at Wednesday night's Radio & TV Correspondents' Dinner. Romney delivered a "Top Ten" list of reasons why he dropped out. You judge if these are legit reasons...

10. There weren't as many Osmonds as I thought.

9. I got tired of corkscrew landings under sniper fire.

8. As a lifelong hunter, I didn't want to miss the start of the varmint season.

7. There wasn't room for two Christian leaders.

6. I was upset that no one had bothered to search my passport files.

5. I needed an excuse to get fat, grow a beard and win the Nobel prize.

4. I took a bad fall at a campaign rally and broke my hair.

3. I wanted to finally take off that dark suit and tie, and kick back in a light-colored suit and tie.

2. Once my wife Ann realized I couldn't win, my fundraising dried up.

1. There was a miscalculation in our theory: "As Utah goes, so goes the nation."

***Watch Dick Cheney crack jokes about himself at the dinner***

Comments

[macjon]

.
Niumber one should have been: "My PATRIOTIC sons this morning asked my permission to join the Army in order to fight the good fight in Iraq."
.

[idahoblues]

Now your talking about something they can't even joke about. According to the National Priorities Project, Utah is near the very bottom in rankings for military enlistment. Less than one tenth the national average.

But they love Bush and Cheney and their War!!

[unclebucky]

Hmmm....

McDeath/Romormoni '07 anyone?

Ugh. --UB.

[MJD615]

I would have preferred to see Mitt as the Presidential candidate over McCain.

[SILVANUS]

Wonder if he is good natured enough to do a porn video with Ted Haggard?

[peachfuzz]

This is as funny as it gets for Republican humor.

[rainey]

Isn't that amusing! Now why DON'T you get fat, grow a beard and win a Nobel Prize?

[Marlyn]

sad

[slobone]

That's actually pretty funny. My respect for him just went up a notch. Maybe McCain could find him a nice cabinet job...

[KOisGod]

Yes, minister of corp raiding

[SaraPulis]

Not bad, excluding the Al Gore joke - that was low blow.

[brainlego]

Well, it is not as funny when it's "your" guy..

[SaraPulis]

Well, I wasn't old enough to vote in 2000, but I was naive enough to support Bush. So, no - not my guy.

[eej]

It's always easier to makes jokes at the expense of others, for the cowardly.

[macjon]

.
Maturity is when you laugh at YOURSELF not OTHERS.
.

[SonnyBono]

Gee Mitt - what happened to the old Morman saying "If you can't convert them, make them".

If you guys hurry you should be ready for the 2026 elections.

[folksonomy]

See? Mormons ARE funny!!!

Geez, watching and listening to Mitt is really far better than the two hours of my life I wasted watching that "debate" last night, and I'm a Dem!

hugs4u: FYI: The FLDS compound in Texas has nothing to do with "his people". F is for Fundamentalist, and has no affiliation whatsoever with the Mormon church and with Romney and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Do your homework and get informed please.

[Marlyn]

"See? Mormons ARE funny!!!"

Mitt has made a LOT of funny statements when he wasn't trying to.
Now when he is trying to be funny, he isn't.

[drewmarden]

well, that's partially true. The FLDS actually adheres more to the original Mormon doctrine, which did endorse polygamy, like their prophet, Joseph Smith and also Brigham Young. In fact, Romney's great grandfather was a polygamist, himself.
Granted, modern LDS broke away at some point, and instead embraced the idea of plural marriages in the afterlife as part of the male's entrance into "godhood." It's a way of making the doctrine fit in with law and social norms. However, I firmly believe that if polygamy were legalized, that we would in fact, see many LDS members practice once again.
So again, I acknowledge that the two are not the same. But to say that there is no affiliation whatsoever between LDS and FLDS is a bit of a stretch on truth.
aaaahhh, But hey! Who are we talking about here?

[Mormondude]

Polygamy IS legal in other countries around the world, and the LDS church policy still excommunicates members there that engage in it, so that's one big strike against your suggestion.

There's no such thing as a "Mormon fundamentalist". The church was and is founded upon revelation. If you reject that revelation, you're not a "fundamentalist", and you're not a member of the church.

Most if not all members of the FLDS church have never been and will never be LDS. Most of their parents were never members of the LDS. Most of their grandparents weren't either.

That said, I'm willing to stand up beside them to fight for their God given inalienable rights. There needs to be some balance, and as of now it looks like the state government is utterly trampling their rights as parents and human beings.

[idahoblues]

Wasn't the Doctine and Covenants Sec: 132 one of those "revelations". It's hard to believe your claim to being the true heirs of Smith's church rather than the FLDS after reading it. I think drewmarden makes a good point.

Not surprising that you would stand beside the FLDS and support their right to rape and abuse their wives and daughters. Reminds me of Gorden Hinkley telling the men of the Church that their wives are their "greatest possession".

It's inescapable, this scene in Texas is part of the Mormon legacy.

[drewmarden]

do you believe the garden of eden is in Missouri? do you believe that native americans are descended from a Hebrew tribe?
Do you believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that he spoke the word of god? Do you believe in the planet Kolob?
If the answer is yes to any of these, then please do not try and discuss anything logical about LDS. It defies logic.
and please, no "what did we ever do to you?"s, or bigot labeling. there is such a thing as simple discrediting of foolish belief.

[rainey]

They are still practicing principles (including United Oder socialism) taught and practiced by Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

[folksonomy]

Ask a current practicing Mormon if they affiliate themselves with the FLDS, and I think they'd distance themselves pretty far from the compound in Texas (or any of the other polygamist groups) regardless of what the practices were prior to 1890.

I wish the general public would see more of LDS members for what they believe in and practice on a day-to-day basis, which, from what I've seen, is in service to others.

On another note, I wonder what abc's "debate" would be like if it would've been McCain and Romney last night instead of Clinton and Obama. Joseph Smith questions and recipe swiping?

[rainey]

I think the internet is full of LDS members trying to find some way to justify the behavior of the FLDS and embarrass TX' authorities rather than own up to the fact that they're responsible for the genesis of polygamy in the US.

[jsomerville5]

He actually has long had a reputation for being funny - just not on the campaign trail.

[Hollyse]

Too bad Mitt Romney decided candidacy desertion is the lesser of the evils considering the three candidates running for president of our falling-apart nation are very enempt leaders. I liked Romney and it's to his best interests that he left when he did. Can you imagine the ongoing ridicule of Mormans in his neck of the woods now made front and center by the pologomy crowd in Texas? Romney was smart knowing when "to hold em'" and "when to fold em'" ! I must say that by the time this election nears its end McCain will already have forgotten his name.

[bac]

That was quite funny!

[Dadam]

I'm not sure you know what funny means.

[hugs4u]

There weren't as many Osmonds as I thought.

There sure seems to be a lot of his people in Texas getting in trouble with the law at their compound.

[Rickter]

Um, those aren't "his" people. The FLDS in Texas are not part of the LDS (Morman) religion.

[hugs4u]

later day saints and mormons are one and the same. If they dont get ccaught then their mormons, when they get caught they become later day saints.

[rainey]

Right! HIS polygamous people lived in Mexico.

[rainey]

No; they just practice the polygamy introduced into this country by Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. ...also polygamists, BTW, and also middle-aged husbands to 14 and 16 year old brides.

[noneIn2008]

Well done, good delivery and good mix of humor. However, I thought there was a law against conservative humor.

[quietman42]

Is conservative humor like military intelligence? or like compassionate conservatism?