Indoctrinate Your Children Before It's Too Late

As I sat in Starbucks yesterday afternoon, I figured it out. I figured out how to make the world the kind of "better place" that everyone's always talking about.

I was listening to a man in his forties talking to a young man in his early twenties. Scratch that. He wasn't talking to him. He was lecturing at him. And what he was saying is that there is one right way to do things and he knows what it is because he knows definitively what the Bible says and what God wants and that anyone who doesn't believe him won't "be saved." No discussion. No exchange.

And the young man nodded, his eyes never leaving the face of the man espousing his personal beliefs as ultimate truth. The man was indoctrinating him. It's a method the religious right has long relied on. And it's worked frighteningly well. That's when it hit me. I think we should indoctrinate our children from the moment they are born.

I think we should tell them that all people are equal and that skin color is just a matter of pigment distribution. I think we should tell them that all religion is faith, nothing more and nothing less, and that there is no ultimate truth and that no religion is more "right" than another. I think we should tell them that life isn't fair but that they should work to make it more so. I think we should tell them that you can't trust everyone but that there is nothing more important than building trusting relationships. I think we should teach them that love is plentiful and that there are endless permutations that a family can take. And we should assure them that anyone who tells them otherwise is merely frightened and deserves our understanding and our patience.

I think we should teach them that murder is wrong but that, in our world, self-defense is imperative. I think we should fill their heads with the realities about the way the world works; the idealizations of how it should work; and the strength to deal with the former and fight for the latter. I think we should teach them that ignorance is the most dangerous thing on earth and that patience with people who have not experienced the world is the key to replacing that ignorance with knowledge and understanding. I think we should teach them that nothing is more vital than critical thinking and respectful discourse.

I think we should tell them that the environment is our responsibility and that we haven't taken very good care of it in the past. I think we should tell them that you can't save the environment by recycling newspapers but still driving a Hummer. I think we should tell them that illegal drug use is bad. Period. The abuse of alcohol is bad. And smoking is bad. No judgments, no rationalizations. None of those things are a good idea. All of those things can kill you. And the people who love them aren't trying to keep them from having fun. They're trying to keep them alive. It's not that complicated.

I think we should tell them that wearing designer jeans doesn't make you a better person and starving yourself to death is a mental illness not a fashion statement or a personal choice or right. I think we should tell them where babies come from. And I think we should say penis and vagina and uterus and sperm. I think we should tell them that being pregnant is hard and labor is harder. I think we should tell them that sex is the most wonderful thing in the world between two consenting adults and the worst thing on the planet if there is even a whisper of doubt, insecurity, immaturity, coercion, violence, disrespect, inequity, misunderstanding, or mistrust. I think we should tell them that their bodies belong to them and only them and they get to decide who touches them, when, and where. But that we are here if they want to talk it out with us.

I think we should tell them to play fair and to yield to merging traffic. And I think we should tell them with our actions not just our words. I think we should tell them that we are defined and judged by our cars and our houses and our jewelry. But that we shouldn't be. And I think we should tell them that we are defined and judged by our weight and our beauty and our net worth. But that we shouldn't be. I think we should tell them that cosmetic surgery is a personal choice that many people make because our economy trades on looks. But we should also tell them that altering their bodies won't make them better people. We should tell them to beware of media that makes them feel compelled to "fix" themselves.

I think we should tell them that girls and boys are different. But that neither one is better than the other. And that not all boys and all girls are alike and that just because Tommy wants a doll or Susie wants a truck doesn't mean that they are more or less of a boy or girl because there is no such thing. I think we should tell them that we are what we are and there's a lot less black and white than many people would like to believe even about gender and sexuality. I think we should tell them that everything is a spectrum and rare is anything that falls firmly on one side or another.

I think we should tell them that we don't know all the answers. Hell, we don't even know most of the answers. But we do know one thing. We love them. And every person on the earth has parents who (hopefully) love them too and that anytime they do something hurtful, they are hurting someone else's baby. I think we should tell them the truth. We don't have it all figured out. But it's not about figuring it out. It's about being present to live our own truths on our won journeys while respecting the planet and all of the other people and creatures living on it.

I think we should indoctrinate our children as early as possible. The hatemongers are doing it all around us. I think it's time we do it too.

Comments

[aceholiday]

education not indoctrination

[Dap]

Dear Ms. Block,

Well, your essay/post is *NOT* perfect, but it's damn close... and quite eloquently expressed. Good on ya! Agape (Love in fellowship of our shared fragile Humanity).

[PeterLoffredo]

On and on Jenny goes for SEVEN paragraphs beginning with "I think we should tell them that..."

My question to you, Jenny, is WHY? Why should we tell our children how and what to think? Because your values are "good?" Because your thoughts are those of an "open" mind? Because "progressive" positions are better than retrogressive ones? And mind you, most of what you believe in IS good. But here's what's WRONG with your position - You presume that children have no soul, that they come into life without an innate inner guidance system based on love and trust. That they have to be taught acceptance and tolerance. What you don't realize in all of your misguided "good" intentions that children always respond to the deeper messages adults are giving them, and "indoctrinating" children, no matter what your overt philosophy, is primarily telling children that they cannot trust themselves, that they are not naturally loving and cooperative, etc., that they "need" to be "taught" by "you" how to be "better" than they naturally are.
Jenny, please, in the words of Pink Floyd: "Leave those kids alone."

[Dap]

"Indoctrinate" was a poor choice of terms, agreed.

*INOCULATE* would have been a much better term for Her to use, especially with consideration of the real virus which you ( PL) speak to, the one (virus) that adults expose their Children to when brainwashing the Child's psyche and schemata with non-sense, like having an immortal SOUL.

Leave the kids alone... Indeed!

Just another brick in the wall eh?

[mamacat]

I think I understand what you are trying to say. You are upset that people get indoctrinated into religions, rather than reasoned into them. That may be self-contradictory, but let's move on.

My view is that it is better to try to teach children to think, to reason, and to value the benefits of a comprehensive liberal education, than to try to brainwash them into one set of arbitrary standards. I want them to enjoy all the learning that is available to them since the age of enlightenment, and to respect all of God's creatures, but to be willing and able to defend themselves when needed. To recognise and reject bullying, physical and mental.

If there is an indoctrination that I could sanction, it would be to try to inoculate my children against all indoctrinations, religious or political, and anything else the dogmatic choose to embrace.

In the long run, it might be better to let children get small doses of zealotry, as a way to make it easier for them to reject it later in life.

[rini]

The best way to convince people is to walk the walk. Live your life like you mean what you say and maybe your kids will follow.

It's worked for me, so far. Last weekend, my thirteen year old daughter and I campaigned for Obama. She was the one who volunteered.

[Pwilferharsk]

"I think we should tell them that their bodies belong to them and only them and they get to decide who touches them, when, and where."

I agree, but would add that if you tell this to a son after having allowed the hospital workers to cut off part of his penis, your words will be completely meaningless.

[Roswalien]

I can see where you are going with the circumcision thing, but most studies have shown acceptance by peers far outweigh any benefit in leaving the foreskin. Having been in school locker rooms years ago, I would not have wanted to be one of the uncut guys....they were teased brutally.

[mijumom]

Studies???? Are you kidding? There are no such "studies" that examine the issue of peer acceptance among intact males. It is basically your opinion and you decided to site a non-existent study.

I hate to tell you that the kids in the locker rooms are pretty much evenly divided between circumcised and intact. Maybe you are just a bit old for this conversation?

[mijumom]

Studies???? Are you kidding? There are no such "studies" that examine the issue of peer acceptance among intact males. It is basically your opinion and you decided to site a non-existent study.

I hate to tell you that the kids in the locker rooms are pretty much evenly divided between circumcised and intact. Maybe you are just a bit old for this conversation?

[Pwilferharsk]

"Acceptance by peers" is also the reason given for female genital mutilation in Africa, and for foot binding in China, and is never a good reason to do anything.

If parents do what this article suggests, and teach their children that their bodies are fine just the way they are, and that anyone who teases them is ignorant, then kids will grow up with self-esteem and intact penises. If they are instead taught to conform in order to avoid being teased, (the first lesson, right after birth, being that their penises should be mutilated because people might laugh at them if they have a natural penis) they will not.

[VicPerry]

I'm tempted to say indoctrination is wrong, period, but I'll stick to criticizing your suggestions for incredibly long-winded lecturing (I'm sure you didn't get to half of your proposed propaganda program). Parental indoctrination like this will work only so long as the children never rebel or get particularly smart, because then it's all over. So you will need to add to your hopes for the success of the indoctrination the hope that your children remain kind of dumb. But if you want your intelligent children to share your values, love them, encourage them to think for themselves and show them that you trust their minds. Then they might actually care about what you think as opposed to simply learning what you want to hear them repeat back to you. I've seen plenty of liberal parents try "indoctrination" of the sort you suggest and the results are skin deep, especially when the parents are exposed as hypocrites at those crucial crunch times. And the biggest hypocrisy in your article is to suggest that parents go on and on with the indoctrination and wind it up with "but I don't have all the answers." No, really? It sure sounds like it...

[jaycg9]

Isn't the teaching of your beliefs, values, moral code and ideology supposed to be an integral part of being an attentive parent? Aren't your kids supposed to learn from you by watching how you act at home, in the world and with the people around you--so they will have the tools necessary to make up their minds for themselves when they are old enough to make those decisions? Don't talk about 'indoctrinating' your children. That gives it a sinister air. Just be a good parent. If you want your kids to be environmentally conscious, recycle. Go as green as you can. Tell them why it's important as you do so. If you want your kids to be open-minded to other religions and cultures, then teach them about other religions and cultures and always tell them that different is beautiful and interesting, worth studying and learning so as to become a more well-rounded individual. Teach your children so when they make up their minds about how they choose to conduct their lives, they will take the best lessons from you and hold on to them.

[AlvySinger]

We did most of what you said when we were raising our kids from the mid ''60's to the mid '80's. When our kids were 7 and 8, they came in from play one afternoon, and our daughter exclaimed, "Guess what? Ronnie believes in Santa Clause." "That's nothing, " our son offered, "Lonnie believes in God!" I think our values were getting through to them.

Alvy

[Roswalien]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I agree with you completely on your post. I am confronted daily with people that have been indoctrinated in hate by their family and friends in the name of religion and think it is high time we start doing the same in the opposite manner. As an atheist married to a Catholic, religion has often come up and we have made the decision to wait until our daughters reach an age where they can rationally make a decision based on education nad insight rather than 'believe this because we do.' If we promote open-mindedness, we promote a richer, better experience in life than those that preach a religious only world view. Thanks for the post.