Civilization's First Attack Ads

If you've missed Rudy Giuliani's 9-11 exploitation ads or waited anxiously for Swiftboaters to start running some shadowy Bin Laden video, this 2008 Democratic primary is for you! At the rate it's devolving, voters in South Dakota and Montana can look forward to Deal or No Deal getting interrupted by footage of Hitler at the Reichstag--with Obama.

All the ridiculous sniping got me wondering how politicians went after one another before television. It turns out the Ancient Greeks--inventors of Democracy--may also have invented the first smear tactic: the attack poem.

Don't laugh. Poetry was primarily spoken, not written, back then, and it was often recited publicly. A well-timed poetic assault in front of the right audience could do some serious damage to one's rival. Archilochus, a soldier and renowned poet in the 7th Century BC, had such a gift for these attacks that it's said he drove a rival--and his entire family--to hang themselves. His verse was nasty enough to get him banned from Sparta. Just how how nasty could Archilochus get? Here's a poem he directed at a rival (all translations are from Brooks Haxton's book Dances for Flute and Thunder from Viking Press):

Swept overboard, unconscious in the breakers,

strangled with seaweed, may you wake up in a gelid

surf, your teeth, already cracked into the shingle,

now set rattling by the wind, while facedown,

helpless as a poisoned cur, on all fours you puke

brine reeking of dead fish. May those you meet,

barbarians as ugly as their souls are hateful,

treat you to the moldy wooden bread of slaves.

And may you, with your split teeth sunk in that,

smile, then, the way you did when speaking as my friend.

Such attacks weren't an uncommon practice. Even the kinder, gentler--though no less passionate--poet Sappho (7th-6th Century BC), lashed out at her enemies:

Dead, no thought of you from anyone

who wants or wishes anything,

no one word said concerning you, forgotten,

wavering beyond extinction, may you be

unseen, and restless there, among the corpses.

In a particularly vicious (and effective) political attack, Timokreon of Rhodes (5th Century BC) wrote the following lines about Themistokles, a hero in the Athenians' war against the Persian Empire. Off the battlefield, not everyone held Themistokles in such high regard. Here's Timokreon's attack:

Themistokles--who kept Timokreon his former host in exile,

and who helped his fellow thieves, hurt friends, and murdered

anyone you like, for money--first was ostracized,

and then, before he killed himself in shame, set up

an inn for scum and losers, whom he served cold meat.

There, at his own table, lowlife daily cursed his name.

It's the textual equivalent of stabbing someone on the forum floor. Simonides, a friend of Themistokles, struck back at Timokreon after his death with the following epitaph:

Having eaten much, drunk much, and said much ill

of many men, here lies Timokreon of Rhodes.

I guess it's heartening to know that politics hasn't deteriorated much since Ancient Greece. If anything, it's gotten more civil (and probably less artful). How might the old attack poem look today? Here's my best shot:

Barack--who kept me from my rightful nomination,

who would not wear flag pins, and called many men

bitter--long ago he crossed paths with scum and losers:

a thief, a former Weatherman and a crazed preacher

who said "God Damn America." He's also Muslim,

some say, though I take him at his word.

And, of course, the responding epitaph:

Having spent much, won...not so much, and said much ill

of one man, here lies Hillary's campaign.

Here's hoping we can use that last one soon.

Comments

[JerseyBob]

ONE DAY THE WORLD IS FLAT, THE NEXT IT IS ROUND, BUT A POEM IS A POEM IS A POEM
From the old school where blank verse was not made much of, i'm used to meter and rhyme. However, your blogs provoke comment on all poetry and I learn more about it because of your writing. A technical person, I pine for greater knowledge of the fine and performing arts. Do keep it going. I'd like to see similar arts blogs grouped.
Now I know what it must feel like to get our of jail. Recently, I was unable to post comment. Didn't know what I inadvertently might have done. My golf game went awry thinking about it. But whatever was the matter has resolved. HP has a great format and it might be considered as an educational tool that could be used in an academic setting. It must be somewhere. I taught a few semesters at college and I would bring in news clips from recent papers and mags. A professor had told me, "Once it's published it's old." Mind, this was related to technical matters. A lit course professor might assign students to provide comment on a blog such as the one you write.
Poetry ls forever young even when it is published. One day the world is flat and the next it is round, but a poem is a poem is a poem--thanks Gertrude Stein.

[M.S. Bellows, Jr. - Huffpost Blogger]

See M.S. Bellows, Jr.'s Profile

Hear, hear! I love the erudition; thank you.

On my own blog, VichyDems, I go by the pseudonym "Thersites," a character from the Iliad who is reprimanded for daring to accuse his own side's leaders of being more interested in their narrow self-interests than in the greater good. Homer paints him as thoroughly undesirable, which is understandable since Greek poets made their livings working for the same kinds of kings Thersites attacked -- but Homer put great good truth in Thersites' mouth:

"The armies took their seats, marshaled into ranks. But one man, Thersites, still railed on, nonstop, teeming with rant, insubordinate, baiting the kings. Here was the ugliest man who ever came to Troy... Now he went for majestic Agamemnon, spewing his abuse: 'What are you panting after now? Your shelter"s packed with the lion"s share of bronze, plenty of women too, crowding your lodges. Best of the lot, the beauties we hand you first, whenever we take some stronghold. Or still more gold you"re wanting? How shameful for you to lead the sons of Achaea into bloody slaughter! Home we go in our ships! Abandon him here in Troy to wallow in all his prizes " he"ll see if the likes of us have propped him up or not.'"

[marzipan]

How marvelous and entertaining it would be if the candidates attacked each other with libelous limericks, caustic Chaucerian roundels, ballsy ballads and heckling haikus.

[yeuxdisis]

The article was interesting until got to the last idiotic part....

[Titonwan]

With much honor, I volunteer to erect said (last) epitaph in steel and stone. I'm a fabricator and would love to get on with trouncing Mc100years. (for god's sake, bow out, Hillary, and save just a thread of your dignity)

[1stRepublic14thStar]

Hillary Clinton has been accused of everything imaginable, including running drug cartels and murder. She's routinely called shrill, shrewish, bitch, and cunt. NO ONE in American political life is more vilified, with the possible exception of her husband. Despite this, you're complaining that Obama is the victim of unfair attacks?

I don't condone some of what's been said about Obama either, but what he's been on the receiving end of is NOTHING compared to the attacks on Clinton.

I'll vote for Obama if he's the Democratic nominee, but he's going to have to do a much better job of handling the criticism and deflecting the attacks if he's going to win the general election and then carry out the duties of the office to which he aspires.

[johnstoi]

How could you leave out the greatest writer of attack poetry ever? Where's Aristophanes?

[wm1066]

Good point!

[ScroogeandMarleyLLC]

McCainiacs are red, Obama is blue,

Clinton's a nut, but what can we do?

[LiarLiarIraqsOnFire]

No more Clinton,

No more Bush,

Corporate America

can kiss my tush.

[Tyrione]

Just don't light a match you might turn the night sky blue.