Dear Barack,
First of all let me just say that I am, like, your biggest fan, oh my God! I absolutely love watching you speak and I'm moved every time I hear or see you. There is no one I'd rather see in the White House than you. However, I'm afraid I just can't support you anymore in light of recent things I've learned about you that I didn't know before. First and foremost, you are...how should I say this...black. At first I didn't think you were. You were so articulate and clean and well spoken that I just naturally assumed you were like me. So imagine how shocked and sad I was to find out otherwise!
I've also found out that not only are you a person of color, but your pastor is, too! That means, like, two black guys in the White House. After all, what your pastor says is what you say, is it not? And he said some bad things about America. Now I know what you're gonna say. "Well look, Republican pastors like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell and Ted Haggert and John Hagee have said and done some deplorable things." But in all fairness, those guys are, y'know, white. So they should be given the benefit of the doubt, don't you think? 'Course you do.
Now I used to judge candidates on which one I'd like better if I could have a beer with them. But I don't drink anymore so I don't support anyone who does (that leaves out Hilary, aren't you glad?!) What I'm really looking for is someone who can beat me in a fried Twinkie eating contest. Anyone who can do that has my respect. But I hear you don't much go for junk food. Now that term in itself is an oxymoron. I can't support anyone that won't eat my kinda food. I mean, how can you eat all that healthy crap? It's so European. And Europeans are bad; that's why we left, remember?
I've also found out that you're not fond of wearing an American flag pin on your lapel. C'mon! I mean, America's your team; your gang. Shouldn't you wear the colors at all times? I know what you're gonna say, Ronald Reagan didn't wear one either and neither do your opponents. But again, their skin tone is one third of the colors of the flag and that's good enough for me.
I've also heard people say that you're a Muslim. I know, I know, everyone by now knows about that Christian church you attend. But still, how is a name like Barack Hussein Obama going to stand up in history alongside a William Jefferson Clinton, John Quincy Adams or a Franklin Delano Roosevelt? I mean, what will our great grandkids think? And I won't be around to defend you!
Like I said before, honestly, I like you. A lot. More than all the other candidates you're running against. But I'm just not ready for someone so different than me in every way to be running my country. You sure are inspiring, though, which gives me an idea. You ever consider hiring yourself out as a public speaker? You could make a killing doing that; you're so entertaining. Dude, you'd be like a rock star without the rock! And as your number one fan I'll be right in the front row. By the way, can I have your autograph for my niece? Her name's Betty.
Sincerely,
The Good Ole' U.S.A.
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thank you mr murphy that was funny but so sadly true and this is america in 2008 god help us
It's refreshing albeit truthful in a sad and funny sortaway....
like it.,
Sad, pathetic, and maddening, but true.
The new racism is colorblind racism.
The Linguistics of
Color Blind Racism:
How to Talk Nasty about Blacks
without Sounding "Racist"
EDUARDO BONILLA-SILVA
http://www.nd.edu/~rmcveigh/reap/Bonilla_linguistics.pdf
God bless America.
I AGREE...WHO WANTS SOMEONE WHO'S PHYSICALLY FIT, WAS A LAW PROFESSOR, TAUGHT STUDENTS ABOUT THE CONSTITUTION AND CRAP LIKE THAT!?! DO WE REALLY FEEL LIKE HAVING SOME SMARTY-PANTS GUY WHO BELIEVES ALL PEOPLE ARE EQUAL? I SURE DON'T...I CAN'T STAND MY NEIGHBOR! I'M JUST GONN CONTINUE TO SIT IN MY DIMLY-LIT ROOM, WATCHING NASCAR, HATING EVERYTHING UN-AMERICAN (EXCEPT FOR FRENCH FRIES), CHEWING TABACO, LISTENING TO FOX NEWS AND THINKING OF WAYS TO GET MCCAIN ELECTED!
Dan,love the post but checked your bio and found out something very disturbing about you; you're like, a musician! Ewwwww! I'll still read your stuff, but there's just no way we could hang...............
Oh thanks for pointing this out. I loved the post too, but you're right, there's just no way Dan, much as I like you. I say this as a woman.
I mean, you know what we call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Brilliant post.
You know I lived out of the US for the last two elections (although I always made sure I sent in my absentee ballot), so I was a bit more isolated to all this nasty media coverage, and I was honestly never sure what swiftboating was, but I guess now I understand.
If most Americans are too stupid to understand how the right wing is trying to influence all of this, than this country deserves 4 (or 8) more years of McBush.
I know Hillary will never win, if she gets the nominee, and I think we can pretty much kiss good bye a Dem. majority in Congress.
Perhaps Old lady USA just isn't ready to give up the drugs and booze quite yet, and needs to completely sink to ROCK BOTTOM before there is any significant change in this country.
Fortunately, my family and I are moving back to the UK in June, and I won't have to witness the further depressing descent of the USA!
But hey, keep your flag pins on because at least then it shows you are a TRUE patriot!!!
This country ain't ready for democracy.
Consider the 60 millions morons who voted for Bush in 2000 and 2004 and the 28% of the population who today approve of Bush's performance.
The truth is that the majority's choice is not necessarily the best choice.
A partial insurance against error is a well informed and thoughtful electorate. There is also a need for a responsible and learned media.
All the above conditions are missing in America.
You got me to smile over this mess. Thanks.
It is so sad, but I think that many of the civil rights leaders, and politicians from the past (i.e. Bill), really can not stand to see a new star rising. He has eclipsed them and they are not ready to give up the spotlight. They are now the ones standing in the way of the progress that they hoped for in the past.
You may be interested in this article from Jan. of this year:
"As Obama Rises, Old Guard Civil Rights Leaders Scowl"
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/01/11/AR2008011102000_pf.html
First it was Bill then Hillary now it is Wright. When will we wake up and find out it is Obama that is the problem. Bill and Hillary ditched the black vote they said.Dividing America they said. Alienating the black voters they said.Now Obama is throwing his best friend under the bus to get elected. His best friend ,his pastor, his mentor, his Rev with whom he prayed to start his mission.How he welcomed Richardson when he betrayed his friends.Give me Bill and Hillary any time over this opportunist this brother of Judas.
Oh ye of little faith.
But wait - wasn't the discussion a few months ago about whether Obama was "black enough"?
(Awesome satire - thanks!)
Now that Obama has thrown his preacher of 20 years under the bus, can his poor, white grandmother be far behind?
Oh, I forgot... he already did her in.
Didn't you ever have a really good friend who then did something that really disgusted you? Didn't you decide to give them a wide berth. Was it because you were throwing them under a bus or was it because they did something that disgusted you and you did not want to have anything to do with them anymore?
But I suppose the author of this article is right. That reaction and breakup of friendships is only reserved for white people in America.
Humble people do not choose their friends, only snubs do. Obama did right to have let Wright throw himself under the bus
Everyone chooses their friends.
I dumped a lot of family and friends when they voted for W the second time
and mine called ME an intellectual snob because I told them I thought it was DUMB to vote for him. They went on to say that such arrogance was why they hate democrats.
Great Post!
I'm mixed black and white but in america I'm a black man.
This election is needless to say, VERY interesting to me.
I think it comes down to what white people think black people are thinking.
"Is Obama out to enslave the white race?"
I know my black brothers and sisters to be loving to all and know of no black party or BBQ where everyone isn't welcome. But whites can't wrap their head around what we're thinking and probably, why aren't all black people trying to get back at them for slavery?
Rev. Wright has justifiable black anger at whites for slavery. Some call that being racist, but it's justified. White racism stems from an anger towards blacks that has yet to be publicly addressed, understood or justified.
To explain the racial element of slavery as economics is to gloss over a lot. Throughout history and colonialism, against dark people, whites have been trippin. Everyone knows this, and today's white ancestors rightly disavow culpability, but by discussing inequality, which they're hesitant to do, they ARE required to develop an opinion of their racial past, and give some thought to why the white race has done things to make other races call them "devils".
This is hard, and lots of whites who aren't liberal can't do this. They resent and get mad at feeling forced to even talk about it. It's silly though, it's not like we're at you with a whip or anything, right?
I think everyone thinks pretty much the same and about the same stuff day to day.
Like how can I get a raise, gas is too high, are my kids ok.
And different people think differently about thinks specific to thier situation. But I really do think we care about the same things in a very basic way.
I think the BIG problem si that you nor another black person can speak for the Black community because there IS no black community!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no one can speak for ANY community PERIOD
Obviously you're not Black saying that there is no Black community. But anyway...
To your point Maanu..you hit the nail on the head..." think it comes down to what white people think black people are thinking"
It's not about what Obama is ACTUALLY thinking, what he ACTUALLY does, what he ACTUALLY says...the only thing that matters is what they THINK he thinks. Which is why these morons can simultaneously look down on Obama for going to a Christian church and believe he is Muslim. Reality and the truth are irrelevant...and that is the biggest problem in this country. I can't even say it's strictly a race problem, because this kind of stupidity got us 2 Bush terms and a war in Iraq based on a false premise.
Which goes to prove this country ain't ready for democracy.
Consider the 60 millions morons who voted for Bush in 2000 and 2004. What's distressingly amazing is 28% of the population today approve of Bush's performance.
The truth is that the majority's choice is not necessarily the best choice.
The partial insurance against error is a well informed and thoughtful electorate. This presumes also a responsible, learned media.
All the above conditions are missing in America.
During discussions with friends and associates I constantly hear 2 positions: If HRC doesn"t win I will vote for McCain or if HRC doesn"t follow the rules and steals the votes, I will NOT vote. GWB"s approval ratings are in the toilet, however, the 23-27% of the population that blindly feel GWB is doing a good job will more than likely automatically vote for JM.
Question: Have the democrats already lost the presidential race?
Apparently, yes! They are now a spent party. The Dixiecrat element has seized control. America needs a new, national, political party. Out with the old, in with the new. On the plus side, John McCain, when he isn't having to appease the hard core element of the Republicans, actually is a pretty decent guy. He'll be a much greater leader than Bush, and if She Who Shall Remain Nameless seizes the nomination for these Dixiecrats, will be watching in joy as they destroy the Clinton Legacy and Her Royal Highness Clinton's political ambitions permanently.
Thanks for the satire, Darin. At first glance, I thought you might be a Trojan horse for Clinton, then your tone proved entirely satirical, so I knew you weren't a redneck bigot whatsoever. I reckon if Clinton wants to settle the primary contest via a bowl-off, Obama should challenge her to a one-on-one basketball matchup. He already told Bryant Gumbel that he'd be willing to take on Bush Jr. on the court. Basketball's a more physically challenging sport than bowling anyhow. How about settling the general election against McCain this way too? I'm glad Barack's not jingoistic enough to wear a flag lapel pin everywhere he goes. Such desperate attempts to prove one's patriotism always strike me as totally phony, as actions speak louder than words, and his lifetime of experience as a grassroots organizer, civil rights attorney, Constitutional Law professor and State Senator (with far more legislative experience than Clinton) demonstrate the breadth of his patriotism as the founders intended. Flag-waving & the like prove nothing of one's love for a nation. Living according to the founding legal principles embodied in the U.S. Constitution tell us all we need to know about a candidate, underscored by profound moral courage.
I've been trying to think of a pin to wear, in response to the flag pin, it came to me, a pin of a sheep. I think I'm going to look into that, sheep pins.
Make sure it's a black sheep!
Great fun Darin!!
With the flag behind it.
Nah, sheep pins are too obvious. With all the fear mongering, how about a boogey man pin?? You could put Cheney's face on it and really scare little kids!
If we can't do anything about it, we might as well have a good laugh. This was funny so thanks.
Boo hoo...everyone's an ignorant racist...I guess I'd better move to France...wa wa wa
How's that for satire?
Nah, satire is supposed to be witty, smart and only inherently bitter.
France wouldn't have you.
Not even Germany (I'm half, so I kin say it).
So, so sad but so, so true. I am conflicted today. I feel anger, frustration, sadness and fear.
The winner today is the American media. The big loser is the American people. Is this the way of the future? Is this democracy in action? Is the American people being served by the American media? And when we say "the media" who are we talking about? Who sets the agenda? Who made Mika B, Norah O'Donnel, Chris Matthews, Andrea Mitchell, talk about Rev Wright for the whole day yesterday to the exclusion of news about thousands of people affected by tornadoes in Virginia? Why is Pat Buchannan on every program? It cannot be to give his views on current events because we ALL know his views. I can tell you verbatim what he is going to say with the accompanying hand gestures. So why is he on? To try and shape the public opinion? After all, if you repeat the lie enough times somewhere along the line it gets accepted as the truth. But maybe the media is accurately reflecting who we are. We are not really interested in the issues in any profound way. We would rather watch Brittany self-destruct than the Senate in action. We voted for GWB twice! This is who and what we are. A scared, shallow, uninformed, misinformed, unsophisticated people. A people so easily manipulated by even the likes of Mika B and Sean Hannity and a Bill O'Reilly. America this is who we are!
Check the ABC News story on Congressional Pork: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Vote2008/Story?id=4572406&page=2
"Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., received 53 earmarks for his state, worth $97.4 million... Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., has never asked for an earmark.""
Obama asked for a earmark for his wife's employer, and her salary more than doubled.
Let's all chant together "Yes we can, yes we can. WE WANT MORE EARMARKS, MORE PORK, MORE CORRUPTION"
And then chant "Change we can believe in. WE WANT MORE PORK, MORE IGNORANCE, MORE CORRUPTION".
Do you have this post on auto pilot?
Since your post doesn't make it clear lets point out that the One million $ request for the University of Chicago Hospital was NOT approved. So if your suggesting that there was some sort of "Quid Pro Quo" between the University and Obama's wife it obviously didnt work out to well since they didnt get the money.
Secondly if you have a good reason why expansion of a Hospital that serves much of Chicago (that is part of the state he represents by the way) is a BAD thing then I would really like to hear it.
Posted April 29, 2008 | 01:22 PM (EST)