Going On Dates With God: Not Your Typical Three-Way

I wrote about sex last week and it (unsurprisingly) was a hot topic. Suprising, though, was the fact that everyone seemed to react, well, well -- which was great, because to be honest, I never have a clue to which way the comments are going to blow.

But back to the sex. (The sex! I sound like my mom. "Are you having the sex?") Sex made me think about relationships, and then I realized how very complicated relationships can get when you throw religion into the mix. Some might call it a deal breaker. But, I guess the more important question is, would I?

The answer? I'm not sure. I'd happily date inter-religiously provided we had a similar belief system (do unto others, etc) and provided I didn't object vehemently to any of it's basic tenets (FLDS, polygamy, you get the picture).

But, as a Christian, I think the biggest question is: Would I give up Christmas?

And the answer is that no, no I wouldn't. For me, Christmas is less about religion (although, in my family, it most certainly was all about religion) and more about tradition. I want my kids to have the same -- alright, similar -- memories. A rosy, warm living room, my mother's silly rules (only white christmas lights, colored ones were tacky), and waiting until after dinner to open the presents. Yes, after dinner -- and this is my point. Celebrating a holiday like Christmas is all about tradition -- and the traditions are specific to each family. We celebrated Christmas Eve (I think it's a European thing), and opened our presents after dinner. We dressed up formally, didn't have stockings, and had a wonderful Christmas brunch the next day. It was these quirks that made Christmas special to me.

So, no, I wouldn't give up Christmas, but I would happily celebrate any other religious holiday that my significant other wanted to observe. The more the merrier! What fun for a child to be able to draw from two traditions -- double the (hopefully) happy memories.

But in thinking about all of this, I have to be fair: I'm barely religious. So to say that I'm oh-so-open-minded is a little misguided. Because I don't have my mind on one thing to begin with. It would be, understandably so, a much harder decision for someone strong in their beliefs to therefore compromise on them. And to that point, as someone who doesn't really believe in strong beliefs, I'd probably have some serious difficulty "compromising" on a situation where a strict adherence to organized religious beliefs / rules / tenets was mandatory.

And parents are another undeniable factor. My mother would care, I think, but not in an "all or nothing" sort of way. My father, on the other hand, would care much, much more. And that is a tough place to be, because while you can mock the idea of honoring the traditions of one's parents for the sake of one's parents, family is, will, and always should be an important role in these sorts of life decisions.

So, the point is that I don't really have one. At least not in this post. But I do think that this is an interesting enough topic to warrant a few more posts (or at least one with a cogent point). So be prepared for a more in-depth foray into the deep, dark world of spirituality and dating. Because I really am curious, and trust me, I'll be going to great lengths to get my answer.

In the meantime, what are your thoughts? Is religion a dealbreaker? What about spirituality? How far on the spectrum would you be willing to move? Ever dated outside your religion? Tell us your thoughts below.

Comments

[jubo]

Priests take up too much of God's time.

You cannot petition the Lord with prayer! - Jim Morisson

[anastasiabeaverhousen]

"So, the point is that I don't really have one."...........just one question: who do I see about getting the last 5minutes of my life back???

[naugiedoggie]

I'm decidedly uninterested in the material aspects of Christmas. At Christmas and Birthday, I like to give my wife a fancy present that will be a pleasant surprise. And I give my kids one (usually fancy) present at Christmas and Birthday. The tree, the baubles ... I don't care. I like going to the early services at church and I think a lot about God's grace and how little I deserve it. And that leads me to think about "the Advocate" as Edward Taylor called him in his poetry. Full circle.

My wife, OTOH, loves putting up the tree, baubles and lights, inside and out. And, she isn't bothered by the fact I don't care -- it just means we don't get into "discussions" about the best way to do it. ;-) My only assigned task is to drag the tree out afterwards and pitch it off the bluff into the ravine behind our house. Suits me.

Thanks.

mp

[jaycg9]

I am not religious myself and I have dated outside of the faith. For me, for a very long time, the same religion was a preference but not a deal breaker. I also prefer brunettes but have dated blondes. That said, I am from a fairly observant Jewish family and as I've gotten older my identity with them and with my heritage has become more of a priority. When I get married this August, it will be to a Jewish girl in a Synagogue, officiated by the Cantor who was with me at my Bar Mitzvah. Though I may not fit religious practice into my daily life as I once did (and as my parents still do), it is an undeniable part of the fabric of who I am. Again, a different religion would not have been a deal breaker...but thank god I found a nice Jewish girl to settle down with.

[drewandrews]

In a sense, this question is the age old question, no? Two people, from two different tribes, with various cultural/national identities affixed to them, fall in love, deal with the fallout of family and community...Middle Eastern and Asian folklore especially is full of these kinds of tales from millennia past.

I think in a sense, inter-religious dating/courting has always been incredibly important, because when you think about it, this is one of the major ways true world dialogue has come about to this date on a sunny April day in '08. For example: A mother spends her days protesting against the practices of "blah blah blah". Her daughter falls in love with lovely female/male member of "blah blah blah", and suddenly Mother.....well, you see, I'm sure.

In a postmodern world, the more and more authentic explorations into the faith and spirituality that exists under the stoplights, in the crowds, and at the cafe table the better - real divine encounters with each other, asking hard questions about each other's beliefs, yet still always engaging in a spirit of seeking and wonder - this is the kind of way by which inter-religious unions have a lasting impact on both 'each other' (in the loving) and 'the crowd' (we who watch the loving). And if God IS love, then love, in this sense, well, really is all we really need!

I'm off the soapbox now :)

[rbryanh]

"But, as a Christian, I think the biggest question is: Would I give up Christmas?"

As a Christian, your biggest concern is ongoing participating in an annual consumer orgy the deranged excesses of which would shame the most decadent ancient Roman? Your identity as a Christian centers around "What would Santa Jesus buy?" Well, I applaud your honesty, which is certainly refreshing during the nauseating religious duplicity of an election year..

The innate hypocrisy and lunacy of religion never ceases to fascinate and appall. Being somehow exempt from this particular form of mental illness, sometimes I do long for a loquacious serpent, talking bush, or transcendental thunderbolt to make it all clear to me.

[PhillyQuaker]

I know Jesus was most likely born in the Spring, but I get ready to celebrate his birth anyway at Christmas. For me, it helps me thank the Lord, getting the house all ready, making extra nice foods, buying a few presents, being a little more generous with charitable contributions, being a little more cheery.

I imagine that Jesus is coming to our house for his birthday. It's very motivating and I find myself more feeling most closely connected to the Lord during the Christmas season.

[wildflowermaven]

I think you have it pegged pretty well, whether you can make an interfaith relationship work depends on the depth of your attachment to your particular faith. Like can a Jew and Christian intermarry successfully, of course I know many. The ones I know celebrate both sets of holidays. If you were maybe a fundmentalist Christian, and an Orthodox Jew there might be more problems. For me personally its more important that they share my general outlook towards the world, including spiritually, but they don't have to have the same religious background.

[tombollocks]

Your mother is right. Colored lights are tacky, but that's the point!

[Gryphen]

I am an Atheist but I think that Christmas is more a secular holiday then religious anyhow. I love it, and have no problems celebrating it. As long as the celebration does not include attending church services which I find ridiculous.

I also like Halloween even though I am am not a pagan.

The holidays I could do without are Easter (Feeding young children a basket of sugar and then dressing them up and expecting them to sit still through church services is insane.), St. Patrick's day (Do the Irish really need a reason to drink?), and Valentines Day. (If I have not shown I love somebody before Valentines Day I cannot see how buying her a crappy card and a box of chocolate is going to change that.)