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Aaron Bleyaert Headshot

Features of President-Elect Obama's New Presidential Limo (as Designed by My 10-Year-Old Self)

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On January 20th, our nation will not only inaugurate a brand new President, but it will also get to inaugurate a brand new (and newly designed) Presidential limousine. EXCITEMENT!! Made by Cadillac, the car's exact specifications--rumored to include everything from 8 inch think doors to a custom hand sewn interior--are a closely guarded state secret. But honestly, who cares? What's the point of having a badass car if it looks like every other car out there? In this blogger's opinion, the Secret Service needs a little more imagination. I mean, this baby is gonna be the first car that President 'Bama is gonna ride in as the Top Dog! You gotta make that baby AWESOME, dudebros!! So where the Secret Service has failed America, I shall not. In fact, I have enlisted someone even more imaginative than myself to design the perfect presidential ride... I have enlisted MY TEN YEAR OLD SELF.

- Spitball resistant windows!
- Girl Repellent doors! (able to withstand a +10 Cootie attack)
- Monster Truck Wheels!
- Lightning bolts. Lightning bolts EVERYWHERE.
- Spoilers on the back AND the front!!
- Flux Capacitor... DUH.
- Bumpers that shoot dynamite arrows (like in The Dukes of Hazzard).
- The whole car is made out of Godzilla skin!
- The driver is always Jean Claude Van Damme! YES WAY!!
- A shark fin on the top!
- A wrecking ball on top!
- Special locks that can keep my parents inside until they agree to get un-divorced, in the hope that when I'm 31 I won't end up with a severe drinking problem and the constant overpowering feeling that human life means absolutely nothing.
- The tires are also donuts!!!