First They Came for Our Foie Gras...

05/25/2011 11:55 am ET

First they came for our foie gras... now the Chicago City Council wants to take away our beloved trans fats. Never mind that most Chicagoans couldn't tell a trans fat from a transistor -- if the government wants to take them away from us, by dingies we're gonna fight for them. To a certain extent banning trans fat goes against Chicago's municipal traditions. It took us until January of '06 to fight our way to the top of Men's Fitness magazine's list of fattest cities in America. What's this trans fat ban going to do our ranking? Anybody who's visited a Chicago beach knows the pride we Chicagoans take in having the kind of six-pack abs you get from drinking real six packs.

Last year Chicago banned smoking in public restaurants because it's distasteful, this year we stood up to the foie gras lobby and outlawed that because it's the cruel to ducks. And now they're want to ban trans fats because they're unhealthy. At this rate in another decade Chicagoans will be creatures of pure light.

But I think I understand why the trans fat ban is coming up now and it has to do with summer in Chicago. You walk around our downtown on a flawless afternoon, newspapers trumpet yet another White Sox victory, jets taking off the O'Hare field drift lazily overhead and cool breezes off lake Michigan caress your face like a lover. It's the kind of thing that makes believe in the perfectibility of human life.

In a perfect city why shouldn't our food be healthier or restaurants more fragrant and why shouldn't Chicago be a beacon of hope to the world's ducks?

I am one Chicagoan who wishes our aldermen well in their quest for urban nirvana. I just hope they remember that the kingdom of heaven will not be achieved until somebody can legislate at least one league pennant for the Chicago Cubs.