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Abby Heugel
Abby is a professional writer and editor of trade publications for employment, but a neurotic humor writer the rest of the time for enjoyment. She runs mental marathons in yoga pants and blogs her brilliant insights. She makes you feel normal.

Find her blog at and her latest book, Abby Still Has Issues, on

Entries by Abby Heugel

The 7 Deadly Sins of the Parking Lot

(0) Comments | Posted February 5, 2015 | 3:36 PM

No matter what your opinion is on shopping, there's one thing we can all agree on -- the parking lot is a paved hell. It should be simple. Park the car, get out of the car, go about your business. But there are always a few who go to the...

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I Lost My Job, But Might Find Myself

(8) Comments | Posted January 6, 2015 | 8:57 AM

When I was much younger, I was in a relationship with an older guy for more than five years. He wasn't a bad guy, but it was a very bad relationship for me that left me feeling trapped. At a time in my life when that should have been carefree...

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The Psychological Purgatory of Depression

(32) Comments | Posted October 2, 2014 | 10:46 AM

I've heard depression described as walking towards a sunset. You can see the light ahead of you, but even when you're basking in the warmth of the light, you're always aware that the darkness isn't more than a heartbeat away.

That sounds pretty accurate, but what makes...

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When Exercise Becomes an Addiction

(1) Comments | Posted September 25, 2014 | 2:15 PM

Most nights I lie in bed, ready for an escape from myself, yet a constantly streaming video loop of everything I ate, how I exercised, the activities of the day won't stop playing in my mind.

I pause. I breathe. I try to relax once again.

As if...

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Thoughts Everyone Has While Driving

(0) Comments | Posted September 18, 2014 | 6:28 PM

Most adults have some experience with driving a motorized vehicle, and whether you're a road rager or a calm commuter, you've probably had a few of the same thoughts while navigating the roads.


I don't care if my mirrors are perfectly adjusted, I'm...

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How Being a Writer is Like Being a Parent

(0) Comments | Posted August 12, 2014 | 12:27 PM

The extent of my maternal skills is having a garden, and seeing as how I'm already tired of taking care of it after two months, I know that I'll never have kids.

But most people I know do have kids, so it's not like I'm a stranger to the toils...

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Love Doesn't Just Disappear

(2) Comments | Posted August 5, 2014 | 1:10 PM

She exists in two worlds -- the reality that we all know and the reality that her mind creates.

Some days, she'll look me straight in the eyes and tell me about how she's exhausted from running here or there for a husband who has been gone for years....

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My OCD By the Numbers

(3) Comments | Posted July 21, 2014 | 9:28 AM


That's my allotment of pieces of gum for the day, not because of calories, but because that's the arbitrary number I decided on at some point in time. Sometimes it's less than six, but rarely ever more.


That's the minimum number of things simultaneously racing through my brain...

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The 10 Commandments of Grocery Shopping

(27) Comments | Posted June 30, 2014 | 12:01 PM

Given the fact that the employees at my local grocery store see me more than my own family does, it's safe to say that I have quite a bit of experience pushing a full cart around.

While I generally enjoy the experience because a) I love finding and checking things...

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A Light in the Dark of Depression

(23) Comments | Posted June 16, 2014 | 6:36 PM

As a humor writer, I try to write about everything.

It's basically all that I know how to do.

But the thing about writing humor is that it sometimes makes me feel like I'm hiding behind a mask and pretending I'm something I'm not. Now, don't get me wrong; I'm...

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Thank You, WebMD, for my High-Tech Hypochondria

(0) Comments | Posted June 10, 2014 | 11:36 AM

Anyone who has ever logged on to WebMD knows that typing in more than one symptom can result in a diagnosis of hypochondria and then side effects from drugs you're not even taking.

That's why you have to be careful and make sure you don't have too many tabs open...

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I Love Not Camping

(0) Comments | Posted May 23, 2014 | 3:22 PM

Spring has sprung, which means many people will be packing up to go camping in the coming weeks. I will not be one of them, as I do not camp.

Don't get me wrong. I love the outdoors and worship the sun and nature. And while I'm not high maintenance,...

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Never Any Doubt

(0) Comments | Posted May 7, 2014 | 1:58 PM

Mother's Day is fast approaching, which means there will probably be a (well-deserved) wave of posts honoring the women who brought us all into this world. While I always make sure to say what I mean and mean what I say, when it comes to being openly emotive and mushy.......

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(Probably) True Hollywood Stories

(0) Comments | Posted April 30, 2014 | 12:17 PM

You might think you know who they are, but can we every really know?

In this first installment of "Probably True Hollywood Stories," we will reveal the secrets, scandals, mysteries and "where-are-they-now?" investigations of several well-known fictional characters.

Dora the Explorer
Best known for spending most of her days...
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My Response to the Craigslist Ad for a Ramen Noodle Bath

(0) Comments | Posted April 24, 2014 | 5:28 PM

Last year, I applied to a local Craigslist ad to be a naked sushi model.

I was hesitant at first, but the fact that they offered to cover my "goodies" with bamboo was a nice gesture. And what really sold me was that not only did the ad...

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A Cease and Desist Letter to the Easter Bunny

(0) Comments | Posted April 11, 2014 | 1:11 PM

Hello Hare,

Thank you for taking time out of your mall appearance today -- I know it's a big time of year for you -- but this really can't wait any longer.

It has been brought to our collective attention as an overly politically correct society on a mission...

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Hitting the Target

(0) Comments | Posted April 2, 2014 | 6:09 PM

I was in Target the other afternoon for one thing, meaning the second I walked in I suddenly felt like I needed to buy ALL the things.

As I was walking down an aisle silently praising myself for not grabbing a shopping basket -- if I only...

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For Love of the Game

(0) Comments | Posted March 31, 2014 | 3:23 PM

I love baseball, and every year around this time I wax, poetic about Opening Day. This year will be no exception.

But don't worry.

This post isn't going to be filled with statistics and names or metaphors about the game that I've loved all my life. If you...

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Saying "I Do" to Equality

(0) Comments | Posted March 25, 2014 | 8:04 PM

The year is 2014.

People can carry whole lives full of information and pictures in a phone the size of a deck of cards. There's an African-American president who raps on late night talk shows and an ATM that will dispense a cupcake. Yet in 2014, there are same-sex...

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Desperado for Avocado

(0) Comments | Posted February 20, 2014 | 4:18 PM

Today we are going to honor the amazing avocado with a song I ask be sung to the "Eagles" tune "Desperado."

Desperado for Avocado

Avocado, why don't you come to your ripeness?
You've been out on my counter for so long now.
Oh, you're a hard...

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