Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Abe Gurko Headshot

Bristol Palin, Are You Kidding or Are You Kidding?!?

Posted: Updated:

My head is spinning from the announcement of Bristol Palin's new public relations firm that has launched called BSMP LLC. Since you asked, that stands for Bristol Sharon Marie Palin Lascivious Lame Crapola. Bristol has become the spokes-model for Candie's Foundation against teenage pregnancy and abstinence, not that she would know anything about any of that. But besides the point, what next step is there for the teenage mother, really? Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Palin compound (nee house) as they sat around trying to figure out next steps in world domination on the heels of Sarah's best selling book, Going Rogue.

SARAH: We have to strike while the iron is hot. We have to set up a bunch of phony companies that sound legit, so we can take advantage of every Right Wing conspirator that keeps pawing at me at these book signings.
TODD: But I have a business.
SARAH: I love you, darlin', but that loser title worked on the campaign trail. We needed to seem like regular folks. Those days are o-v-e-r. And by the way, what is an oil field production operator?
TODD: It's...it's...
SARAH: I thought so. (Scratching head) Maybe you can start your own Secret Service, Blackwater kind of company. Lord knows we'll need tons of that as I see it.
TODD: I like the way that sounds. And I look like a Secret Service guy too. Look. (He gets up from the table and stands erect giving the girls a cocked eye.)
SARAH: (Rolling her eyes) Perfect. Now Bristol, what do you want to be when you grow up.
BRISTOL: Mother, I have a child, I am grown up.
SARAH: Convince yourself. We need to get you a real sounding job so we can hitch your horse to all these political cronies. (Light bulb pops up over Sarah's head) What about public relations? You're so good at getting around. And even better at speaking out for abstinance, which is like the biggest oxymoron going, dear...but, hey, that' s what PR is all about.
BRISTOL: That sounds great, Mommy Dearest. Can I say I am a lobbyist, public relations maven, and political consulting executive?
SARAH: Of course you can, dear.
BRISTOL: And can I name the company with my initials BSMP how I always doodled on my notebooks? Can I? Can I?
SARAH: Considering all the hooey I have pulled off in the past year, you can say and do whatever you want. You are a Palin, after all. And so is Tripp. Lord knows he better not take after that...that...Playgirl model Levi Johnston or I will just bust a gut...
BRISTOL: Oh, don't you worry Mamma. I will use the power of my public relations know-how to destroy that naked boy. And pay me to boot, kind of like a client.
SARAH: You betch ya.
I Mean...What?!?