01/08/2011 11:45 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Jersey Snore -- Par Tres

Last season I reviewed Jersey Shore and somehow this season's review is eerily similar. Could it be because nothing has really changed besides their location? The Return to the Jersey Shore is actually a better title for season three. Do we even call them seasons? They are more like outings. Perhaps even a series of mini-series. Jersey Shore is like Roots without the class. In Thursday night's season opener, we met an even tackier version of Snooki, her friend Deena. What can I say besides Jersey Shore is chock-full of cursing chubby people. OK, so The Situation has good abs, but he is a fat head, so I am not all wrong. There are no redeemable qualities to these people. Yesterday, it was announced in the media that Snooki has signed about as many licensing deals as Pierre Cardin. Snooki was quoted, "I do not want to be a role model." Trust me honey, you are not. She would rather become a logo and be branded on the ass of anything she can. Sammi is anything but a sweetheart. Rather, she is a jerk. Granted, I get why she is trying to separate herself from the other girls because they really are useless. Sammi Giancola just announced that she is launching a signature fragrance, Dangerous. What's dangerous is forever wearing a puss that looks as though you are smelling poop. All the guys were castrated in last night's episode, it was all about the Tudgies. Naturally the final cliffhanger scene was filled with flying punches between Jwoww and Sammi. Where is the Skank Patrol when you need it?