The 5 Stages of Stay-At-Home Fatherhood

One week, not long ago, posts on my personal parenting blog, Fatherhood Is, ground to a sudden halt. Why? I accepted a five-day position as a stay-at-home dad while our nanny was out of town. To date, I've held only a handful of jobs, but being the solitary caregiver for two 4-month-olds was officially the hardest (and most satisfying) of them all. Seriously, stay-at-home parents who do this on the regular deserve a goddamn medal, or better yet... a cape -- cut from the finest cotton polyester blend and adorned with rhinestones.

For most stay-at-home parents, it's a full-time (plus overtime) occupation. My experience was more like an externship; it afforded me the luxury of constant reflection. From shopping for new pants to presenting over Skype to a ballroom full of conference attendees, I did it all with two babies in tow. And in the end, I recognized five distinct stages of my journey. I called them -- aptly enough -- the "Five Stage of Stay-at-Home Fatherhood."

These posts originally appeared on Fatherhood Is.

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Comments

[CuteMonsterDad]

12:04 PM on 05/19/2012

You have a nanny. Having hired help and being a stay at home parent normally don't coexist for most parents.

[melissamathews81]

06:23 PM on 05/18/2012

Cute article! I wouldn't have thought so by the headline though... I'm still kind of wondering why you know what your kids spit tastes like.

[Notsosilent]

04:32 PM on 05/18/2012

I love parents Friday at school when I am the only Guy. (grand daughter by the way) Yes I am one of those grandparents.

[noellegrace92]

03:25 PM on 05/18/2012

As a single mother, this story almost made me cry! It is so hard to do this with two parents, but I am only one. I can relate to every moment and the last slide is perfect. Satisfaction! You feel it every evening.

[Marie Speranza]

01:52 PM on 05/18/2012

Many parents stay at home if they can to raise their children...either or...but not everyhone likes staying home and interacting with children...they would rather work. Men, IMHO, by nature feel like the provider out of the house, and enjoy working...Taking care of children is difficult...and sometimes one does both...work in and out of home with little or no help. A job outside the house might be from 9-5...9-9, but usually one knows...a stay at home parent has no special hrs...they are all working hrs. What is great, is that if you can stay home, the yrs from 1-5 are very enlightening...you may see your grown up child right there in those yrs...enjoy what you can...make the best of it all....time changes as do situations. Either or, children look for someone who cares and nurtures them...and shows it...There is no answer...boredom sets in with anything we do...ans caring for chilren is not easy; and I'm not sure there is break time, or lunch time...but men who do this are wonderful...some would never do it. God Bless the mothers and fathers...one day they too become the children of their children...,

[rosalind neal]

01:06 PM on 05/18/2012

Enjoy them they grow up to fast!

[mantodea23]

01:06 PM on 05/18/2012

Congrats to you! I think it takes bravery for a man to take on such a responsibility. It is usually the woman who seems to take on the baby duties whether she feels ready to or not and not everybody realized how tiresome that can be. It takes a true man to say "no no, i got this". I often times dont even get to eat my dinner until 9pm because my 3 month old consumes so much of my time. My daughter (age 10) and boyfriend seem to be afraid of him when my son starts to cry lol. It takes a lot of patience and persistance. Without just jumping right in and assuming responsibilities, you would never know what you truly are capable of. I am sure now that if your babies started crying or needed something you will feel confident in your abilities as a dad and be able to soothe them and tend to their needs. I think being an involved, hands on father is the most manly thing any woman could ever hope to see in their man. :)

[aearthling59]

12:57 PM on 05/18/2012

When men do it its a monumental job.

When women do it, its woman's work.

[lestergrovecity]

10:48 AM on 05/18/2012

I think every father should do this for at least six months. I had to quit my job do to health reasons and my wife went back to work. Doing this has certainly opened my eyes and giving me a new appriciation for what my wife had been doing on a daily bases. If anyone ever says it's not a job then they haven't done it, and the hours are nonstop. To all who have been doing this, you are saints.

[Swimdude]

10:39 AM on 05/18/2012

I am a single father of a 16 year old daughter. I like your list, it is just a reminder to me that my time with my daughter is growing short. I have 3 more years until she goes to College. I am not sure I have anything left to teach her at this point. She knows everything already. Just ask her. Nice Article..

[giagul]

10:22 AM on 05/18/2012

my husband loves being a stay at home dad. now he doesnt want to do anything else but be a stay at home dad.

[sahd45]

10:14 AM on 05/18/2012

its interesting how some posts make it in and others dont. another example of the media influencing the public. lmao

[doing their job]

10:12 AM on 05/18/2012

What is the purpose of saying the Lord's name in vain in this article. It is not needed and is against all my beliefs. I will pray that you will change your way of thinking. God Bless Us and give us your grace.

[wstrvlr]

09:10 AM on 05/18/2012

Honey, let me tell you something, those who stay at home to raise their children is THE hardest & MOST important job you will EVER have in your life. It's a priviledge to be able to be a stay at home parent that has the potential to make the most difference in a child's life.

It IS possible to allow one parent to stay home rather than pursue a career, BUT you have to decide early on what is more important in your life: Having "stuff" or enjoying the time you get to have raising your child(ren). You will need to develop skills at shopping for neccessities versus "feel good" or impulse shopping. Learn to be a smart yard sale & thrift store shopper for the things you need & do without many of the things so many take for granted; etc. Trust me, it is far less expensive raising kids IF you know how to shop! The most expensive thing in raising kids is food & their medical care!

Being a stay at home parent may not be the desire of everyone, but it certainly is an eye opener into just how hard raising a child truly is. It's a sacrifice, a joy & an adventure into becoming selfless versus being self-centered. Kids truly are the greatest gift one can be granted in our lifetime!

Parenting, it's NOT for the squimish, weak or selfish!

[dancerctry]

08:45 AM on 05/18/2012

That was so sweet! As a SAHM I appreciate what he's saying. It's tiring but enjoyable. My son is almost 3. He's in preschool Mon - Wed and we started storytime at the library thursdays and swim class today (friday). He just started the first swim class without me and is iffy about it but he loves to swim usually so he's just adjusting. I also had to help him adjust to the storytime yesterday. Helping him adjust is exhausting but it's worth it when he has adjusted. Being here for him all day is wonderful!!!