Bush Awards Dalai Lama Medal of Honor, Cites Work in "Caddy Shack" and Painting Moustache on Mona Lisa

Despite protests from the Chinese and White House confusion over the difference between Tibet and Nepal ("Neither has oil so who gives a crap", a White House aid was heard to mutter) President Bush gave the Dali Lama the highest award possible for someone who dresses entirely in robes.

"I regret that the Dali Lama hasn't yet found Jesus, in an otherwise admirable life" the President noted. "But there's always the chance that he will be reincarnated as Billy Graham. Oh, wait a minute, he's not dead yet."

President Bush praised the Dali Lama for inspiring his favorite Broadway musical, "Hello Dali" and for "Living a life that renounces the superficial, material trappings of success -- for example, he has turned down our offer of diplomatic license plates for his stretch Hummer."

In a brief Q&A, the president said that the Dali Lama had asked him who he would want to be reincarnated as, and Mr. Bush replied "An Iraqi woman, because that means I'd be living in a free, open, democratic society. Plus, I'd look great in a burkah."

When the Dali Lama reminded him that he'd be having sex with Iraqi men, Bush said that would be an improvement over Dick Cheney