I owe everything to you. I'll never forget that lesson you taught me at my first birthday party when I quietly traded the coloring book for the GI Joe rocket launcher: counter-parties to a transaction should never be revealed
Your loving son,
PS: You didn't save those emails I sent from camp, did you? The ones where I talked bundling the nature trail and the rec hall, and selling units to the parents?
The World's Greatest Mom...
...is also making the world a safer place. I love the part of you everyone knows, and the part only I know. So what if you didn't get that over-rated big job? This gift will be no surprise -- I give you the same thing every year. No wait, this year it's different. The first one that's made-in-America. Wasn't easy. Finally found an artisan pantsuit maker in the Hudson Valley.
All my love,
I don't remember if you spell it shrieking or shrieking, but whatever, those girls are driving me mad. Don't know how Sinatra did it. On this Mother's Day, I want to thank you for everything, but mainly your cute DNA. It seems to be really working for me now. I can only hope Grandpa Murray's male-pattern baldness isn't included in your double helix. But if it is, I wouldn't trade you for a hair-weave.
Love and kisses,
When the kids made fun of my hair, you always told me it would be a leveragable comic asset. I love you so much for that. And I haven't forgotten that you keep asking me about that whopping NBC settlement. Your commission -- based on gross, not on net! - -is on its way.
Conan, one of the nation's 8 million unemployed white men
Thinking of you on Mother's Day,
You're the person who believed in me when people said I wouldn't amount to anything, and when people said the country was better off before I did. You're the greatest mom ever. I know you always worry about money, but I wanted to get you a really great gift this year. Laura's book is selling well, so far the deficit hasn't cut into my pension, and I'm saving a lot by cutting down big time on the number of books I have to buy. I mean, who goes to a presidential library to read?
Mom, I love you,
Everyone knows that I owe everything to you. You taught me how to fight, curse, and shovel on make-up. And when dad wanted to get me voice lessons, you told him to shove it.
Big guidette kisses,
Wishing my mom a happy Mother's Day. Although every day is Mother's Day for her, because she's the mother of a brilliant 26-year old billionaire who's changing the way people share and communicate. Got to go - working on a new IRS widget so they can follow your all purchases. Mark.
MEMO: TO MOM
FROM: YOUR SON, THE ONE IN THE WH
Things are a bit busy here, but I know that if I forget Mother's Day, you'd kick my ass, Chicago-style. You showed me the meaning of love in so many ways. Remember when you convinced the principal that my profanity issue was undiagnosed Tourette's?
You're the best - well, next to Senator John Kyl's mom. I need
his vote on the Cup-holder Subsidy bill.
Guess what? You're the perfect mom. I'm not the perfect daughter yet, but after a few more procedures, I'll be there.
Dear, Dear Mom
Remember when I ran for class president and you said it was okay to pay $100,000 for each vote? Your life lessons meant everything to me, and I'm showing my gratitude by giving you 14th Street, West of 9th Avenue.
Love and Kisses,
P.S. How many calories is in that stuffed cabbage recipe you gave me?
Aren't we all fed up with those elite East Coast sophisticates who think a Mother's Day gift has to be carbon neutral? In real America, we don't express true love by giving the elitist gift of a solar panel. We express it with genuine frozen Alaskan moose, shot with my two hands. I drilled him, baby, I drilled him.
Wishing you the best, best, highest-carbon-footprint Mother's Day ever.
Your ever-loving daughter,
PS: Todd sends his love and will talk to you on Sunday if he's not out working on his carbon footprint.
I still remember the way you used to terrorize all the women ahead of you on the ration line. We always had enough caviar and sturgeon didn't we? You taught me everything I know about how to take care of Chechen rebels.
Your loving son,
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