Word is out that the District Attorney in the Mel Gibson case is considering dropping the charges in exchange for community service by Mr. Gibson. Below are some of the activities being discussed by prosecutors:
• Two months doing parking lot duty and serving as the shabbas goy at the Malibu Chabad
• Ten weeks teaching a seminar on "Mr. Sammler's Planet" to the members of the Aryan Nation
• Three months acting as a tour guide - along with his father - at Auschwitz, where they will take visitors through the concentration camp, paying special attention to the spa; fitness and aromatherapy center; and breakfast buffet areas.
• Ten weeks on tour with Billy Crystal in the "Sunshine Boys," followed by six weeks appearing as "Golda" in the role made famous by Tovah Feldshuh
• Fifteen minutes gently picking the crumbs out of Alan Dershowitz's moustache after the consumption of a particularly flaky hamantaschen
• Assuming he wins the primary, spending six weeks introducing Joe Lieberman on the campaign trail as "My friend and blessed little semite warmonger."
• Hosting a prime-time PBS special about the Holocaust and the moon landing entitled "Two Things That Really Did Happen, Honestly."
• 100 hours in Beverly Hills high school teaching children the life of Irving "Swifty" Lazar and other famous Jewish agents
• Appearing as the opening act for Elie Wiesel's upcoming Las Vegas show entitled "Concentration Campy."
• Appearing with Adam Sandler on Saturday Night Live and singing the Hanukkah song with these additional lyrics:
"Mel Gibson hates the Jews, which he still denies
A Jew made him sing this song, which is no surprise."
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