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The Art of Being Alive Series: Letter to My Old Apologetic Self

02/18/2015 05:36 pm ET | Updated Apr 20, 2015

Dear Self,

You are one plus year now: A beautiful vibrant woman who has evolved and is emerging in the world as a soul, a body, a feminine to be reckoned with; through your voice in the world you make a statement.

A trip to memory lane, when you were your much younger self, swimming through life at the early stages; the feelings you remember of you were sorry and always apologetic about your desires to stand out and live out your dreams, you felt less confident because you didn't realize the degree of power that is radiant in you, you felt fear to put yourself out there because even though you wanted to be seen, you allowed false ideas of loneliness to encapsulate you that made you think less highly of yourself, instead of believing that you have people in your life who were going to be rooting for you, you tiptoed around your dreams and passion; for some reason you just didn't feel the right to own yourself in confidence and liberation...

Stories we tell ourselves serve as our human script that we unconsciously follow which defines every angle of our decisions and how we live our lives; you let yourself feed into the narrative that didn't properly define you because you know you are not the timid kind, but you mostly felt timid perhaps because of that one relationship that helped to constantly belittle you, the relationship that tried to tame you; you were in it because of love, you stayed in it because you thought you were fighting for it, by the time you ended it; parts of you-the real you had shut down. The once wild, outspoken, talkative, bold, audacious and charismatic you had totally shut down! Now you were tamed, that's how come you lived apologetically. For you, it was that relationship that tamed you, for another you wonder in their seats what makes them live apologetically, what factor tamed them?

The narrative we tell ourselves can always be re-written because we are the writers and directors of our realities. Now you know the difference between the natural you and the attempted tamed you who embraced the fears from the things she condoned to happen in her life; you're older and much wiser than your younger apologetic days. What do you choose to do now?

Self says to self:

I am not my old apologetic self anymore, I am a mature woman who is very smart, beautiful and fully capable. Not being so apologetic anymore means that I own my gifts and talents, when people compliment me on anything about myself; I don't second guess the compliment instead I accept it fully and own it, "Thankyou I really am amazing!" instead of "You think, I'm Amazing?"

I own the power within me because I am more aware of what that power entails; it entails working my gifts and recognizing my potential that needs to be lived out fully. I have stepped into a place of evolution; I have evolved as I have grown and experienced life; and my life experiences are not without purpose.

My breathing waves are analyzed on a scale of mostly highs with mild lows just because you always need some experience to be great teachers, when the lows happen, I embrace them fully. I am human, I am woman and I am...

My feelings these days are not negative and fear-based, they are more confident, more radiant and magnetic, creative and audacious, ecstatic and present, awe-filled and alive. Transformation of my mind towards greater heights, interesting possibilities...

I have grown to see life beyond all odds that exist in my reality, that I am capable of being light and being love; so I abide in that and that consciousness helps me breathe easy....

No apologies to my identity, to my desires, to my blissful cravings of life...

From love to meaningful relationships, financial abundance, great health in well-being... and more; I desire, I go for boldly, I speak up and not hold back, I negotiate and demand, I run, skip, chase, let go; I connect, reach in, lean in, reach out, pursue; I ask, consent, give...; I do more of what feels right, what lights me up, what sparks my glow, what liberates me, makes me feel free...

When I feel, I really feel and allow myself to feel...

but in all; I refrain from being apologetic about who I am.

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