Readers:

Tuesday was a great day for corporate profit.

My satirical Political Action Committee, DEATH-PAC, today successfully defended Blue Cross / Blue Shield -- that tiny, innocent little ma and pa shop -- from the demonic populist horde whose name is MoveOn.org.

We set up a self care...

As the poet said, you have to fight crazy with crazy.

That's why I created DEATH-PAC (Dying and Enfeebled Against Total Healthcare PAC), a nonprofit organization dedicated to protecting the rights of for-profit organizations.

Today we attended the anti-healthcare rally in Chicago's Millenium Park. Here are some of the...

I attended Jan Schakowsky's Town Hall in Skokie, Illinois yesterday. All the anti-healthcare reform people want is for you to let them speak! Okay, we'll let them speak.

On behalf of my Political Action Committe, DEATH-PAC (Dying and Enfeebled Against Total Healthcare), I came to the center of the...

These Obama-as-Joker posters, the ones with the word "socialism" in all its lowercase glory along the bottom, are really beginning to wrinkle my undies.

As a comedian, my first instinct is to destroy these hecklers using their own low-hanging fruit: namely, the use of the word Socialism with...

Hey liberals, are you angry that the CEO of Whole Foods doesn't want a government option for health care? Does that make you want to boycott your local store? Come on, hipsters, wake up. Don't stop shopping at Whole Foods because its John Mackey is acting like a 19-year-old...

Seems Like everyone nowadays is helping us celebrate Earth Day. Even your friendly, neighborhood oil conglomerate. Through the magic of Stock Footage, Civic TV presents: "Texxon: Greenology."

Below is embedded the most recent episode of South Park. The Episode is entitled "Eat, Pray, Queef."

It was recommended to me by a relatively hip carpenter a few days ago because he knows I am a comedy writer. Having worked through many a queef joke, I have to admit...

Dear Outraged Conservative American On The Verge Of Financial Ruin,

I am so pleased you have found a way to express your hatred for Obama in reclaiming the word Socialism. I congratulate you on your little knowledge of history, and admire your middling pluck in using the Internet...

Hey New York: Suck it! SUCK IT! You feel that? That's the feeling of Chicago coming up behind you and stealing your city's thunder. Chicago is the Second City no longer. We are now the First City of endemic, bald faced, corruption. Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich has pushed us to...

In his testimony before congress Friday, the head of General Motors announced that GM, Ford and Chrysler would push themselves toward financial solvency in 2009 by closing Ohio.

Rick Wagoner's announcement came in response to harsh criticism from Congress toward the Big Three for not explaining how a federal bailout...

The specifics of Henry Paulson's economic bailout plan elude me -- and according to yesterday's report that the remaining portion is going to be redistributed, it seems as though the specifics might have eluded Paulson as well. One thing that progressive economists like Robert Reich have agreed upon is that...

Progressives, halt your celebration! A moment of your time, please. We can go back to our Kleenex-clutching Obama acceptance speech replay-a-thons in a moment. There is still one thing left to learn from Campaign 2008. Who will teach us the lesson that we should take with us into 2012? Sarah...

In a stunning announcement today, President Bush declared that contrary to a growing chorus of international opinion, Santa Claus does exist. He made the announcement in a press briefing only hours after the release of an intelligence report finding no evidence of toy production in the North Pole.

In...

Last weekend, the Chicago Marathon was brought to a forcible halt by police cars and helicopters ordering marathoners to finish the rest of the race at a walk. This happened because Chicago was experiencing record-high temperatures, and many runners were passing out cold on the trail from heat exhaustion. One...

On the floor of the Senate last Monday, Mitch McConnell spoke about the visit of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to Columbia University in this way: "Just think. A university that prides itself with its core curriculum on a free exchange of ideas, brings in this man to speak who is...