Marathons Made Simple

Last weekend, the Chicago Marathon was brought to a forcible halt by police cars and helicopters ordering marathoners to finish the rest of the race at a walk. This happened because Chicago was experiencing record-high temperatures, and many runners were passing out cold on the trail from heat exhaustion. One runner, a man from Michigan, even went as far as to die.

People here in Chicago were outraged at how race logistics could be handled so poorly that someone actually died at a marathon. Citizens continue to be outraged that the Chicago Marathon people and their magnanimous sponsor, LaSalle Bank, could put marathon runners in danger. That logic is, in a word, fucking idiotic.

It's a marathon.

Let's examine the word marathon. Marathon is the name of a town in Greece. After the Greeks defeated the Persians at the Battle of Marathon, a Greek soldier named Pheidippides ran from Marathon to Athens, some say completely barefoot, to announce their victory. He ran the entire distance without stopping, proclaimed the message, and then dropped dead.

That's a marathon. The word has literally synonymous with long, impossible tasks. If you have a marathon lovemaking session, or a marathon meeting, does that not imply that your meeting or lovemaking went outrageously long? Longer than it should? So when you run a marathon this means that you are running longer than most people do.

Most people don't run five miles in a day. Most people don't run three blocks in a day. But a marathon runner runs 26.2 miles. It is simultaneously amazing and completely preposterous. Like sticking your head in the mouth of a lion, running a marathon mixes the superhuman and the idiotic into an extreme brew that always captures the imagination.

We live in a litigious world, and as such people feel justified in not taking responsibility for their actions. Whether it is a hot cup of coffee in one's lap or a pair of headphones that cause ear damage at full volume, people who are otherwise champions of civil liberties feel completely comfortable with asking big brother to pick up the slack for their lack of common sense.

But the marathon is, literally, a marathon. Part of its very definition is the story of someone dropping dead after doing it. Pheidippides didn't have pavement, or water, or cross-trainers. The only Nike Pheiddipides knew about was the statue in the Acropolis.

Let's say I mentioned this over brunch: "Hey, I just got into this great new sport. It's called 'Thermopylae.' You put on a loincloth and fight your friends to the death with spears. It's a real rush." If next week you discovered that I missed brunch because I was eviscerated and my head shoved onto a spear, would you sue the Thermopylae league on behalf of my family? Of course not. The danger of the sport was implicit in its name. The same goes for a marathon.

We live in an age where giving everyone the chance to do everything is morally just. Americans have really embraced this "everyone is a winner" attitude to the fullest. It is true that everyone who runs a marathon has done an amazing thing. But everyone is not a winner. This does not mean that the weak of body or mind should be carted away and sterilized. Everyone should be allowed to do everything. I should be allowed to play tackle football and study physics. But will I play for the NFL and become a full professor at MIT? Of course not. Those of us who are less equipped to do those things should accept the consequences of failure.

And, as perverse as it is, a marathon would not be a marathon if you couldn't die doing it. A marathon would not be as exciting and life changing if it weren't so physically demanding that you might keel over at the end. Runners usually don't consider Kant part of their training regimen, but the marathon does have elements of the sublime.

People should be allowed to run themselves to death. People should be allowed to run themselves to whatever level of physical harm they want. If it gets hot, people should not be forced to stop. Adults should not be shielded from the real consequences of their actions.

That this point even needs to be argued is significant in itself. It's no wonder that we gorge ourselves on TV shows about extreme sports and dangerous jobs. It's no wonder we love Fear Factor and Ice Truckers and Jackass so intensely. It's no wonder that men and women alike were so titillated by the story of 300. It is because, in every other moment of our life, we are prevented from walking right up to death and shaking its hand. Even during the marathon.

Comments

[Trichica]

There is a critical part of your article that you really did not address--accountability....of the race director.

The Race Director had the audacity to make comments such that "no aid stations ran out of supplies" "he never saw anything like runners pouring water over their heads to cool down" or that "he does not believe that they did anything wrong"

Please look at the link below on youtube--at mile 6 they had run out of water!!!!

Please read the race forum(see link below)--if half of what is said is true...then where is the race director's accountability???? EMT workers were given two bags of ice for the whole race!!!!!

I am both a triathlete and an attorney--and cannot believe the ignorance of your remarks.

People do marathons for many reasons. I have friends who can run a 3:00 hour marathon and some that run 6 hour ones. Each expects that when a Race director tells we will have supplies along the course--that it will be there (the rd at chicago put this in writing several times)!!

My friends who run 13 miles on any given day should not be slighted by you because they choose to run rather than sleep in; drink; smoke...or sit their butts. My girlfriend who runs a 6 hour mary does so for her adopted daughter who has Neurofibromatosis, she chooses marathons to raise money and awareness. She has raised hundreds of thousands and now directs a team for running for a cure..is she looking to shake the hands of death? I dare say the fat butts on the couch watching the shows you suggested may be closer to shaking that hand.

So please get your facts straight. Realize who are the ones who are taking on being fit and going the extra mile and how many were prepared for the heat and have raced in worse--they just did not train to be denied the aid which they were promised.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbZTI7Cw0rM

http://www.realbuzz.com/en-us/forum/index?pageID=1996&topic=59466

[SamThornton]

You may be right, but my understanding was that part of the problem was not enough water was made available for runners and not all stations along the way had any water at all. Planning glitch or left/right-wing conspiracy. You decide.

[jeskiley]

That was classic. You had me rolling until I got to the NFL and MIT part. Damn near scrambled my brain. Love yer name, by the way!

[MrsWakely]

yeah. what exactly is the deal with the new mid-life crisis? it used to be guys became philanderers and drunks. now they become "tri-athletes" which, translated from the original greek, means "stupid times three." I live in a town where it has become fairly common to read the local paper's obits and see "died in a biking accident." meaning, some yahoo in his little spandex shorts and yellow jersey got creamed by a truck while flying down the middle of the road where, you know, CARS drive fast. what is the fucking point? I'm in shape! I'm still a competitive in shape person! just like when I was in high school! I'm 45, and I can swim from manhattan to vero beach - with a kevlar vest on! then, I can ride a bike to oklahoma city, where I jump off and run to sacramento! I am so pumped! I've already got the best orthepedic surgeon in new york city booked for my dual hip-knee replacement surgery in 2015, after which, I figure I can re-hab and enter the london wheelchair marathon in three months. come on you pussies - LET'S GO!!!!!

[jvarga]

That episode of jackass, where they tested johnny knoxville's cup. I just got tears in my eyes from laughing while thinking about it.

Nice post :)

[ImmanuelGoldstein]

I couldn't agree more with this. Of all the things the ancient Greeks did, why the Hades did the Marathon catch on? Why not discus, or throwing the javelin? Or shot put? Why of all things the one event most likely to kill you?

[TheOtherMaven]

The ancient Greeks did not hold "marathons" as part of their Olympic Games. It was the revived modern version of the Olympics, starting in Athens in 1896, that established and popularized the "marathon". Blame it on Pierre de Coubertin, not the ancient Greeks.