No one likes to fail. We live in a culture of achievement and success. We hear about the Oscar nominations, the Fortune 500 companies and cutting-edge medicines, but we rarely hear about the countless auditions, the challenges of building an exceptional product, or the years of medical school. The problem with glorifying the win without socializing the importance of the journey or emphasizing qualities such as persistence and patience is that it sets people up to deal poorly with setbacks and challenges. But without overcoming the bumps in the road, there is no making it to the end.
Being a founder can be extremely lonely. Founders do not often receive positive affirmation from the team. In short, there's no one who tells you you're doing a good job. And relying on someone else to tell you that you're OK gives a lot of power and responsibility to that person.
"I've failed, and I'll continue to make mistakes, but I'm no longer afraid."
Founders must grow comfortable with struggle before accepting the responsibility of running a business, because as a founder, you will fail every day in some small ways. These failures will add up, and if you're not strong enough to accept them and allow your setbacks to become part of your story, they will snowball and suffocate you. I've failed, and I'll continue to make mistakes, but I'm no longer afraid. I've been through the struggle and have come out on the other side, so I know it's not only possible -- it's the journey to success.
Here are the building blocks that enabled me to overcome fear from my own previous failures and succeed in building Roomi:
- What are you really afraid of? There are different types of anxieties: social, generalized, panic disorder, etc. I struggled with social anxiety, which I had to overcome in order to move my business forward.
- Does it even matter what other people think? If they laugh or disapprove? The truth is that people will always have opinions one way or another, and while you may imagine your failures are as public as a Times Square billboard, those uncomfortable moments will pass and be forgotten by everyone else. Everyone has been there at some point, whether professionally or personally.
- Is it more important to you that you can provide for your family, carve a name for yourself and help others? How much of what other people say will you allow to stand in the way of your own success? Dig deeper than your fear and find out what motivates you to keep going. In the end, that will be a lot more powerful and help you push through.
2. Visualize your successes: Many successful people -- from CEOs to athletes -- can merit the power of visualization for success.This has become particularly important for me in the fundraising realm. Before going into any investor meeting, I envision myself convincing the other person that Roomi is the best opportunity. I picture them them handing me the checks. Whatever the situation, actually picture yourself succeeding. When it's go-time, you're much more likely to succeed having played out the exact scenario in your head already.
3. Break the negative cycle: There is actually evidence that points to some people being genetically predisposed to focus on the negative rather than the positive. But similar to how a specific seed can only grow into that one type of tree, negative thoughts will breed a failing mindset and deflate your confidence. Most people don't realize how many negative thoughts they have in a day, but you can retrain your brain to stop those thoughts when you catch them and eventually, you'll stop harping on something that didn't go well and remember instead your victories. Be prepared to make this a conscious effort, especially in the beginning.
After getting rejected repeatedly in my first round of fundraising, I felt like quitting. But I finally retrained my brain by reframing the event in a positive way. I repeated to myself that was glad I got rejected, that it was actually for my own good, because that investor was not the right fit for me. Eventually I found the success that then reaffirmed that I was doing the right thing.
4. Focus your growth: Everyone can do at least one thing really well, but chances are very few people can do many things well. Pare down your priorities to the things dearest to you and you'll be less likely to distract yourself with erroneous tasks that won't help you achieve your end goal. Along those lines, become as much of an expert in your field as possible. Read as much as you can, and get advice from someone who's already been through what you're about to go through.
5. Use your dreams to keep you motivated: My father, and my biggest role model, had a vision for our future that he never gave up on. Despite the struggles we faced, he was resilient and resourceful during those lean years. He always came home with a smile on his face. He told me that one day his hard work was going to give us a better life, and within eight years, he had become a millionaire. I'm so much stronger today than I could imagine being if it were not for his example.
"Figure out what will help you stay strong when things inevitably get difficult, and place that reminder front and center."
Even still, there did come a time when the rejection and challenges of starting a new business got to me, and I wanted to give up. However, I always had this dream of building schools for kids in developing countries, trying to help give them a better future. Remembering this dream made me think about not building the business for myself, but instead building it so that I could accomplish that dream of building a school. All of the sudden, it felt as though there were countless kids counting on me. I felt accountable for something. Some people place photos of their children or other motivations on a vision board. Figure out what will help you stay strong when things inevitably get difficult, and place that reminder front and center.
6. Live healthy: Most entrepreneurs will tell you that the first years of starting a business are filled with late nights, skipped meals, high stress, and lack of time for exercise. These can all exacerbate underlying anxiety, and generally lead to burnout. Do what you can avoid them. Stick to a regular sleep cycle, make time for loved ones and full meals and physical activities to keep your body healthy and help regulate emotion and stress levels.
7. Outline the action plan: This will also help keep you focused and motivated when things aren't exactly running smoothly. Preparation is comforting. Analyze your foreseeable potential outcomes, take stock of the worst case scenarios, and decide what you would do if something does go really wrong. But don't only prepare for the negatives -- remember to prepare for success, as well. Identify milestones you want to reach, and let yourself celebrate when you achieve them.
8. Keep company with those you respect: We learn a lot from those around us. We may even pick up those behaviors. If you're nervous about your own ability to excel in an area, find someone who's good at it and pay attention to what they do. If you see something that bothers you, note that as well. Try to find positive people who encourage your dreams and goals, and avoid those who are negative or sarcastic. This doesn't necessarily mean surrounding yourself with "yes" men. People who challenge your ideas and help you overcome obstacles are invaluable when building your business.
9. Seek advice from those who have been there before: Good mentors give great advice, but they also know how to push you to be yourself. There were times I almost gave up, but my dad pushed me to stay with it -- even for one more day. If hanging in one more day makes it manageable to overcome the hardest challenges when you're starting out, make it your mantra. Now I know what it takes to pick myself up and overcome those challenges.
"You may take inspiration from people you've never met who are doing good things in the world, solving challenges uniquely."
Sometimes a great mentor can come from an unexpected place. Different people have different strengths and can teach you new things about yourself and what you really want from life. Someone who's previously walked in your shoes in your industry will give you the most helpful advice for that field -- both for what to do and what not to do. You may take inspiration from people you've never met who are doing good things in the world, solving challenges uniquely. Read biographies, business books, leadership books; watch Ted talks, study spiritual philosophy -- whatever will resonate for you and help you grow.
10. Just do it: Facing your fears is not comfortable, but as they say: nothing ventured, nothing gained. When you find yourself putting something off, decide to do it immediately. Set deadlines. Don't give yourself the time to let anxiety build. Start with smaller things, where the risk is lower. And when you do fail, you'll realize that it's not so bad. The fear is always worse. And as the little victories amass, you'll find yourself more confident. Before you know it, you'll be ready to tackle the stuff that really scares you.
Thank you for reading. If you found this helpful, please share. How have you overcome a fear in your past?