A Bedtime Story from the Alaska Division of Elections

Tonight seems like a good night for a nice bedtime story... (plumps pillow, tucks you in). Comfy? Let's see....what shall our story be? Maybe something light and amusing. We've had a tough month. Hmmm....(looks on shelf and selects an orange-colored paperback with a stapled binding). Here we go. State of Alaska 2008 Official Election Pamphlet, Region II: Municipality of Anchorage, Matanuska-Susitna Borough, Whittier, Hope. What's that you say? Sounds boring? Well...parts of it, maybe. How about I just skip to the good parts. (You nod in approval and snuggle in).

OK...how about skipping to the Alaskan Independence Party candidates? After all, our potential "Second Dude" was a registered member of the party until 2002, when he became "Unaffiliated." That might be fun.

Let's see... (licks thumb and flips through pamphlet)... OK, here's one - Bob Bird.

Bob Bird is the AIP candidate for the U.S. Senate. That means he's running against Ted Stevens and Mark Begich. He was the President of Alaska Right to Life from 1995-97 and is still on the board of directors. He likes hunting, fishing, sports broadcasting, and is a hockey coach...Wait a minute... Right to Life, Hunting, fishing, sports broadcasting, hockey coach? This seems eerily familiar for some reason....(sudden mental image of Sarah Palin).. Oh dear, I didn't know there was a scary part!....Let's skip ahead.

Here we go. Alaskan Independence Party candidate Daniel DeNardo is running for the House District 31 seat against a Republican incumbent.

You can come out from under the covers, this one looks OK. He's bypassed all the slots where the other candidates have place of birth, spouse's name, children, education, and political/business experience. He's replaced it with one long "Biography" section. Let's have a peek. (clears throat)

"I study the creation and impact of the Luciferian Marxist-Lenninist Dialectical Sovietism that is the most encompassing secular historical force controlling every incorporated political party; the world's exchange systems based on perpetual indentured slavery through interest bearing irredeemable security obligations, i.e. federal reserve notes; Law Merchant advisory panels masquerading as "juries"; bar associations composed strictly of card-carrying Kommunist Komrade Kriminals acting in Alaska under the Alaska Supreme Soviet in conjunction with Soviet counterparts in NKVD through the Khabarovsk-Alaska Collectivization Project; and state sponsored Kriminal Globalism's "perpetual War for perpetual peace."

Quite a biography. I told you this would be good! I'm guessing this guy can see the Soviet Union from his house! But wait, there's more...

CALL TO REVOLUTION

Alaska's Divine Destiny - Holy-Writ Book Revelation repeatedly references Alaska Land of Great Eagle; Independent Republic leading Trinity's force against Lucifer, Antichrist, Kommunist International.

Bar Association - Marxist-Lenninist Kriminals imposing Kommunist Korporate feudalistic perpetual Usury servitudes destroying Common Law Republic. God-Man declared Satan attorneys' father: Eternal Punishment, Insane for Alaskans to allow continued existence.

Yes, quite insane, wouldn't you say? Krazy, in fact.

There's quite a bit more, but it's getting late, and I think you get the idea.

Time for one more... How about Republican candidate Lynda Placek running for House District 25 against Democratic incumbent, Mike Doogan?

POLITICAL AND GOVERNMENT POSITIONS: Honesty and A Follower of Jesus in Every thing. Whats right without Judgement, For the good of the People. in all aspects

BUSINESS AND PROFESSIONAL POSITIONS: Right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

STATEMENT: [snip] I believe that unemployment is to [sic] high here and Alaskans should be trained for Alaskan Jobs, even up North, on the big money Jobs. I believe that Education is very important but so is Healthcare for everybody including our elderly (We all will get Old) I'm not sure what is the correct way; to get started getting these things accomplished, But I'm Ready to Rip into Action towards getting it done. Stand by me on Election Day, as I stand by you. Please vote for Lynda Placek.

I think Democratic incumbent Mike Doogan is sleeping pretty well these days, even without a bedtime story. Well, there's your little peek into the wonderful world of local politics in Alaska. (Tucks booklet back on shelf and clicks off the light) Sweet dreams!

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Comments

[NationalTreasure]

AK:

You missed the point the republican canidate and the Alaskan Independence Party canidate are the main stream up in Alaska. The person who is out of touch is the Democratic canidate, you really need to spend a significant amount of time with Alaskans to understand that it is a different in world in Alaska than in the lower 48.

[RedKnuckles]

If the AIP candidates are, as you say, the mainstream in AK, then why aren't they getting elected there? Also, in terms of religious fanaticism, AK appears to have a very low percentage of their population affiliated with organized religion compared to the lower 48

[Stephanie71]

I'm not entirely sure who the audience of your post was but since you addressed it to AK I'll just say I'm pretty sure AK spends a significant amount of time with Alaskans since he (she? hard to tell - your bio is gender neutral, AK) lives there.

But I get your point National Treasure. By the way, did anyone else feel that the Republican's blurb sounded a bit well... like a Democrat in spots?

[moAb]

AKMuckraker, thanks for a great laugh. Hilarious stuff and a bit thought provoking if not a tad frightening. Glad I read it upon awakening rather than last night before I went to bed.