With so much talk about the importance of having passion in relationships, a recent conversation inspired me to consider what passion means to me. This is what I came up with as a working definition: Passion is the rocket fuel of life; it is the energetic driving force behind anything that is done with excellence. When we bring passion to what we do, others can feel it. It feels like enthusiasm and is both focused and expansive. Passion is what happens when we bring all of who we are into what we are doing. It creates a natural flow that builds momentum.
In relationships, people tend to think of passion primarily in terms of a healthy sex life. However, passion is also provides the driving force for romance, fun and adventure; all of which are qualities that can transform our relationship from being hum drum and perhaps even boring, to a source of renewed energy and inspiration.
If I were to compare a relationship to champagne, then a passionless relationship is like champagne without the bubbles. If your relationship has fallen flat, examine yourself first. When we are aligned with who and what we genuinely are, our actions fall in line with the spirit of truth and everything we do begins to energize us. In other words when we understand what makes us tick and make choices based on the directives of our internal compass, we flow from one positively stimulating experience to the next. In this way, we have upbeat, constructive and passion infused energy to share with those around us.
By contrast if we feel stuck, discontent and unable to be and do what really makes us happy, our daily activities begin to drag us down, tire us out and take the shine off our enthusiasm for life. This is because we have lost touch with our inner compass and no can longer see where our "true north" lies. While living in this manner it is almost impossible to be passionate about anything.
When we are living a fulfilling life, whatever that may look like to you -- for only you can know what that is for you -- then bringing passion to your relationship will be easier. In general people love passionate individuals because their energy is infectious. When we enjoy who we are and what we do, our likelihood of creating and attracting relationships that are a good fit increases dramatically. When our relationship with ourselves is working well, it is a simple matter to direct our energy and enthusiasm (passion) into our other relationships.
How do we bring passion to our relationships? I say, simply be the best person you can be:
1. When we like who we are, life flows for us and we naturally have plenty of passion to share with others.
2. When we like what we do, we are happy, fulfilled and more creative; all of which are qualities that generate great energy that we will naturally bring to any relationship.
Sometimes we may be in need a life makeover as a first step. If some areas of your life are dull and passionless, get clear about what you want and then begin to make small changes to bring these things into alignment with your internal vision of yourself. Start with the small and simple. If you hate your job but cannot quit right now, start a hobby or other activity that inspires you and brings out your passion. It may be singing, dancing, traveling, painting, gardening or mentoring young people. Whatever it is that energizes you, begin it now and watch the passion grow in all areas of your life.
For more on relationship advice, listen to Akoshia's radio segment, streaming live every Saturday at 7pm on the show "A Lesson in Affection," airing Saturdays from 6pm - 8pm, with host Mark Lo on www.whcr.org.