Like a Shakespearean tragedy, women may decide the dramatic outcome of this summer's World Cup. In England, the WAG's (wives and girlfriends) of the nation's team will soon be packing their Prada bags and Chloe dresses, along with the no-limit American Express cards. South Africa, here they come, for a safari-shopping spree filled with diamonds!
Until yesterday, the WAG's were looking at a cold British summer shopping in the local mall, taking care of the snotty kids, and washing the nappies alone, as their heroic husbands went south to bring the World Cup out of Africa for Queen and country. England's team coach, the tanned Fabio Capello, had put the ban on "the missus" traveling to the tournament. "We're not going to South Africa for a holiday," he declared, while wearing sunglasses. His banishment of the ladies was prompted by the events that had taken place four years earlier.
On the day before a crucial game in the 2006 World Cup in Germany, England's key players were photographed by the paparazzi being dragged through the ladies fashion racks, emerging laden down with shopping bags filled with purses, hot Germanic lingerie and fur coats. The players looked absolutely knackered at kick off, hampered with groin strains from holding the wife's booty, the day, and the night before. England's World Cup glory was smashed, as the women behind the men, took the blame.
But Capello was forced to re-think his monastic celibacy policy. His friend and compatriot, Marcello Lippi, the coach of World Champions Italy in 2006, advised him against turning his players into lonely men playing with themselves -- They're not priests! Give them barbecues with their families, maybe even let them shag a little. It's done wonders for our Prime Minister Berlusconi! And so the WAG's were welcomed back.
Naturally, the English WAG remains top of the slippery pole although the Queen of the WAG's will be missing from South Africa. Victoria Beckham will not be bringing her spiciness to the games. Hubby David is on crutches and unable to perform for England. It will be down to other Juliet's to keep up the English stiff upper lip. For England must prevail.
For those obsessed readers looking to see who is Top of the WAG's, check out Wag Rankings.
Get thee to a Waggery!
If you fancy it, check out my guide to the upcoming World Cup Finals -- The Glorious World Cup -- A Fanatic's Guide