Divorce is almost never easy, especially when there are children involved, and it's often seriously rancorous. After seeing your kids every day, you suddenly face the prospect of becoming peripheral to their lives; this can be incredibly painful. The temptation is to fight for every shred of time, every bit of contact, even if it means taking your custody dispute to trial. But my advice is to resist this temptation if at all possible, because going to court is likely to create more damage than you anticipate--to you, to your children, to your relationships, even to your faith in humanity.
Some lessons from divorce court that can help parents and kids alike:
Alan Ravitz, MD, is a pediatric psychopharmacologist and senior director of forensic psychiatry at the Child Mind Institute. For Dr. Ravitz's take on everything from effective parenting to how divorce is portrayed in film, visit childmind.org.
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I have documents to prove what I can financially, but my husband has not been forthcoming with his discovery even after 3 years. I was told by my attorney it's not good...for me.....the judge has nothing to base her support order on. I have to pay for a witness to go over the documents (at the trial) of the forensic accountant who was hired by the court . Documents are not accepted in a trial, witnesses are! That makes no sense! He is a specialist. I have no money to pay him to come to court and testify at the peak of tax season! The trial is 6 1/2 hours. What good was paying for him to investigate our finances if they are not admissable in court?
My husband is a calm, cool, rational sounding guy....I suffer from PTSD due to our 30 years domestic abuse/violence marriage....so I am emotional, can't concentrate, I'm disorganized, my mind goes blank, I have panic attacks , I cry 20 times a day etc.
How can a person like me prepare for this?
Are judge's understanding towards people like me or do we just try their nerves and get them angry? Can you give me some tips? The trial is to be over 6 hours long. I don't want to make the judge angry or make a fool of myself.
Thanks
All parents want the best for their children. Mediation can be a viable option one that allows parents
to make their own decisions while diffusing the conflict. Litigation no doubt increases stress, conflict, distrust and reduces parental cooperation- which are all--necessary to raising healthy well adjusted adults.
Mary Damiankis
I am not saying that divorce should never be an option; obviously there are times when it is the only sane choice. But unless your spouse's behavior is on the dark side of criminal and this can be proven easily and without doubt, court is one place you don't want to go.
The biggest tragedy lies in the choices we are conditioned to make in life--most of them unconscious. The true job of a parent is to give a child a sense of self and respect for him or herself. If a person has those two things to guide him, chances are his choices will be informed and healthy. If not, he or she will always be seeking to gain what is missing--a task more impossible to complete than the twelve assigned to Hercules.